


The Sum of the Parts

by franscats



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Partner Betrayal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 09:59:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 48,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3724669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/franscats/pseuds/franscats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sentinel Jim Ellison takes pills to keep his senses at normal levels.  Guide Blair Sandburg is sure that if Jim bonded, he would love being a sentinel.  What happens when a Guide thinks he knows what is best for his Sentinel, and changes the Sentinel's life forever?</p><p>Warnings: This story is rated NC-17 for graphic sex and deals with issues of rape and partner betrayal. The story should not be read by anyone who would find these subjects upsetting or objectionable. At the end of the story, there is a short synopsis that explains the issues for those unsure about reading the tale and want a little more information. Please note the warnings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sum of the Parts

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: This story is rated NC-17 for graphic sex and deals with issues of rape and partner betrayal. The story should not be read by anyone who would find these subjects upsetting or objectionable. At the end of the story, there is a short synopsis that explains the issues for those unsure about reading the tale and want a little more information. Please note the warnings. 
> 
> Acknowledgements: I must thank my two Beta Readers: Kelly and Bluewolf. Both combed through the piece looking for all my mistakes, of which there were many! I appreciate their time and efforts on my behalf. They are phenomenal!

_The whole is greater than the sum of the parts- Aristotle_

“He takes it up the ass,” came the whispered comment and Jim turned in annoyance and stared at the two uniformed cops standing behind him who were waiting their turn to get to the counter and order food. It was not the kind of conversation he expected to hear in Wonderburger and certainly not from fellow officers. Glancing across the room at the man the two uniforms were discussing, Jim frowned as the tall flaxen haired man blushed looking away, obviously having heard the whispered comment. The man was another cop wearing the insignia of CSU and Jim couldn’t imagine anyone berating a fellow officer.

Neither noticed Jim’s glare as they continued their snickering, the older cop looking at his younger partner as the younger officer frowned. “Why would you say that?” he asked.

“He’s a bonded sentinel and guides bond by fucking their sentinels,” he added with a leering grin.

The younger officer looked over at the man in question noting the tall muscular man and deciding he didn’t look like someone who would be a bottom for another man. “How do you know he’s a sentinel and how do you know he doesn’t do the fucking. I mean look at him.”

“I know he’s a sentinel because there’s one sentinel in CSU and it’s him and guides do,” the cop emphasized the word with another leer and an impolite hand gesture, “the fucking to form the bond. It’s some kind of weird thing that the sentinel needs the spunk for the bond,” both men gave a nasty laugh at the comment as the flaxen haired sentinel, white lipped, turned and walked out of Wonderburger.

“You two don’t having anything better to do than harass a fellow officer?” Jim growled at the two men behind him, his light blue eyes staring down coldly at the uniformed officers as a muscle in his set face twitched, a clear indication of his anger.

The two men looked up at the man in front of them recognizing two time cop of the year, Jim Ellison. Swallowing, not sure what to say they dropped their eyes and murmured their apologies. Jim turned away from the two cops in disgust and moved forward to the counter as the lady in front of him disappeared carrying her three bags, a small child hooked onto her arm. He placed his order, trying to ignore the patrolmen behind him. He had heard comments about sentinels many times, mostly in the police department, but every once in a while in other settings. Bonded sentinels were rare and were often ridiculed by others for just the reason the two mentioned. Sentinels did have sex with their guides to form the bond that would keep their senses in line and many continued to have sex with their guides after the bonding. Bonding brought the two souls together and the sex was a natural demonstration of that togetherness. Even the army recognized the necessity for co-habitation between sentinels and guides and the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy didn’t apply to sentinels and guides. In the police force, where partners were not allowed to work together if they shared a relationship outside of work because the emotional connection could lead to a lack of perspective and control in an explosive situation, sentinels and guides were again the exception.

Idly, Jim wondered why the sentinel who had just left had opted to bond. Sentinels were rare to begin with but ever since Sencease had come on the market they were almost non existent. Jim knew if he were a sentinel he would choose to take Sencease.

Sencease was a drug that had come on the market 20 years earlier. It was developed by a biochemist whose brother had sentinel abilities. The scientist’s brother, raised in a homophobic family, hadn’t wanted to bond to a male guide to keep his senses in line and by some genetic quirk of fate, the guide gene was connected to the Y chromosome, so all guides were male. Finally, the increasing zones and painful spikes became too much for the sentinel, making it impossible to survive without bonding, and the sentinel committed suicide rather than bond. The biochemist had worked for years after that, trying to find a way to suppress sentinel abilities so others wouldn’t have to endure what his brother had, and the end result was Sencease. The drug was an inhibitor, a sense dampener and a sentinel could choose to take the drug rather than bond. Sencease would take three days to reach appropriate levels in the sentinel’s blood and then would suppress the hyper senses bringing them down to normal levels. The drawback, the sentinel would have to take it every day for the rest of his or her life if he or she wanted to keep the senses at a normal level. Of course, if the sentinel decided he wanted to use his senses, he could give up the drug. Within three days it would clear out of his blood stream, he would go online and need a guide for the zones and spikes. But that kind of undertaking required a lot of thought since bonding was a life commitment. Once bonded, chemical changes took place within the sentinel and Sencease would no longer work. The sentinel would be bonded to a guide physically and with or without any further sexual contact, committed as a partner for life. Psychiatrists and biochemical researchers theorized that part of the reason for a monogamous relationship, sexual or not, was instinctive and psychological in nature, the sentinel and the guide would see a relationship with an outside party as a betrayal of his or her true partner. So, sentinels who did not wish a monogamous relationship with a man, were more inclined to use Sencease, ergo, there were fewer sentinels – especially male sentinels which made up more than three quarters of the sentinel population.

However, though bonding sentinels had declined, guides had not. When Sencease came on the market, there was a sudden drop in sentinels needing to bond and guides, genetically predisposed to care for sentinels and empathically and sexually attracted to them, suddenly, found themselves sentinel-less and frustrated. There had been talk of regulating and limiting the use of Sencease to increase the number of sentinels but nothing had been done since it would require forcing sentinels to submit sexually. As a result, guides had to give up caring for sentinels. This state of affairs was not easy on the guides. Until the sentinel took Sencease guides could tell who was a sentinel, though not always whether or not the sentinel was compatible. Only extremely strong bonding connections could immediately be detected by the guide and not even the scientists could figure out how a sentinel could be compatible with one guide and not another. Adding to the complications bonding did involve “taking” the sentinel. So guides needed to be very careful about who they bonded with and how they approached the bond. Most sentinels tended toward heterosexual relations and would be very upset if they ended up having a sexual relationship with a guide only to find the pair were not compatible. More than one guide had ended in the hospital as a result of a mismatched bond attempt. And sentinels did have to bottom for the guides to form the bond that would keep their senses on an even keel. Scientists theorized that it was nature’s way of having a warrior give up control to a less powerful male. The guide, by taking control of the sentinel sexually, became (at least psychologically) an equal partner and in some cases the dominant male in the relationship and thus would be allowed to take control of the senses when a sentinel spiked or zoned. And through the bonding the guide tapped into the sentinel’s emotional state supporting him or her. The guide had an empathic connection to his sentinel and could sense his/her needs so the relationship truly was symbiotic, the guide getting to care for his sentinel, the sentinel getting a handle on his enhanced senses. Or that had been the case until Sencease. Jim knew all this – everyone did and he shook his head wondering at people’s insensitivity as he paid for his food and left Wonderburger, squinting in the glare and ignoring his third headache that week as he made his way to his truck and headed for home.

Two weeks later…

Doctor McCoy smiled as he walked into the room and looked at Jim sitting on the examination table dressed in nothing but a hospital gown. “Jim, I’m going to give you one final exam, an anal exam and then we can talk.” He grabbed a pair of rubber gloves as he indicated that Jim should stand and asked him to lean over the examination table, legs spread. “This should not be painful but it has proved embarrassing for some men. I’m going to put lubricant on my finger and slide it inside your anus. I will touch your prostate gland and that can cause erections in some men.” Jim leaned over saying nothing as he felt a cool finger pushing into him, the doctor’s finger moving around. He could actually feel himself hardening as the doctor’s fingers rubbed inside him and he turned red gritting his teeth against the stirrings in his groin, wondering why the doctor had used so much lubricant. Two minutes later the doctor stepped back removing and dropping the gloves into a container and handing Jim some tissues. “You can get dressed and come down to my office. One of my assistants will be waiting outside and can show you the way.” Jim nodded as Doctor McCoy gave Jim some privacy to clean up.

Jim dressed quickly and walked out of the examination room where a small middle aged woman stood waiting, stethoscope on her neck. Smiling, she pointed down the hall and Jim followed her to McCoy’s office wondering what the doctor might have found wrong with him. Jim had been suffering for two weeks from constant migraines that caused his ears and eyes to hurt and had finally come to the doctor to get a check-up at his boss, Simon Banks’, insistence.

The doctor was seated behind his large oak desk, diplomas framing the wall behind him, Jim’s file in front of him as Jim took a seat across from him before looking at McCoy’s reassuring smile. Idly, Jim wondered if the smile was the doctor’s way of easing into a troubling conversation but the physician’s next statement proved that thought wrong. He glanced down at the paperwork and then back at Jim. “Actually Jim,” he said in a near monotone, his voice soft. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

“But the headaches, the other problems...” Jim countered and watched the doctor hold up a hand.

“There is nothing wrong with you, Jim,” he repeated. “You’re a sentinel and your senses are coming online. They have become more sensitive to input and that has caused the headaches.” If Doctor McCoy had told Jim he was growing a second head, he would have seen less shock.

“But…” Jim paused a moment and then began again. “I’ve never shown any heightened senses. I’m too old.”

The doctor shook his head his face breaking into a smile, his short white hair moving over his high forehead before he pushed it back. “The abilities were probably latent; and just because sentinels generally manifest their abilities in the late adolescent years or early twenties, doesn’t mean it can’t happen to someone older. I can assure you, Jim, you are a sentinel. Your senses tested high and the rectal exam showed a special lubricant gland that ensures the sentinel is well suited for bonding.” He leaned back watching as Jim turned red, his eyes dropping down to the table. Dr. McCoy gave the man a minute to get used to the idea and then continued. “You are going to have to decide on whether to use Sencease or get a guide and looking at the results of this round of testing, I would say fairly quickly. You are coming online very fast and very strong. You are going to be an extremely high level sentinel and the headaches will get much worse very quickly. You will probably start zoning as well as spiking.”

“Sencease,” Jim answered immediately, once again looking at the doctor, staring into McCoy’s hazel eyes. “I’m not getting a guide.” The doctor nodded. He had read the medical literature on sentinels. Sentinels were rare but there was some data being compiled and it showed that 75% chose Sencease – or at least 75% of male sentinels. Females did not have the same psychological issues as males with regard to sexual bonding with a male guide; usually 25% of females chose Sencease.

“It’s your decision of course.” He leaned forward and made a notation on the chart. “Your senses are going to continue to be overly responsive for the next three days but they will ease down as the Sencease enters your system and the headaches should fade. I would say try and limit the stimulation coming in. Try and stay in low lighting, quiet places. That should ease the headaches while the medication starts to work. Oh, and if you come into contact with any guides during the next three days don’t be surprised if they try rather persistently to coax you into bonding. Guides instinctively want to bond with sentinels and well, with Sencease on the market there aren’t enough sentinels to go round. There never were actually. There have always been more guides than sentinels. I think it’s nature’s way of giving sentinels choice. A guide can live without a bond, though there has been some startling research showing they are more likely to get depressed without a sentinel, but until Sencease came on the market the reverse was not true.” He made another notation and then reached for his pad writing out a prescription. “Guides can sense sentinels and they will be able to tell you are online until the Sencease suppresses the sentinel abilities. So the next three days could prove interesting.”

“Are there that many guides?”

“No, guides are almost as rare as sentinels but they do tend to gravitate towards sentinels. They tend to end up in the same occupations as sentinels. Scientists don’t actually understand how the guide’s empathy surfaces in the presence of a sentinel but that doesn’t change the fact that it does, and guides have an almost obsessive need to bond and care for a sentinel if they find one. I’ve heard of sentinels having to take out restraining orders on insistent guides.” The doctor sighed and handed Jim a prescription. “If you have any adverse reactions to the Sencease you will have to let me know immediately so we can make some dosage adjustments.” He looked up at Jim who nodded. “Take it every day. But should you decide you want to bond…”

“I won’t,” Jim cut him off.

“I understand, but just remember it takes three days to leave your system if you decide you want to bond, and they are not three pleasant days.”

Jim nodded and the doctor gave a sigh and pulled out some pamphlets. “I will ask you to read over these. You should know something about being a sentinel, what your senses can do, what a guide could help you do, and what bonding entails.” The doctor held up a hand his gold band glinting in the light and almost distracting Jim when the detective started to protest. “I know you are not going to bond, but you are a sentinel and need to know something about that.” He handed the pamphlets to Jim and smiled. “Okay, I do need to go over the dials with you.” The doctor could see Jim was again going to protest and shook his head. “Should something happen, should you end up stuck somewhere without Sencease for more than three days, the dials can help you cope. It doesn’t take long to learn to use them, though managing them requires some practice. They don’t replace a guide but they can help when a sentinel is online and you may need them for the next three days.” Jim grimaced, a muscle in his jaw twitching, but he nodded. “Good,” the doctor answered. “I would recommend taking a few days to learn the dials before starting Sencease. Right now your senses are slowly coming online but when coming off Sencease it is neither gradual nor gentle. A few days practicing the dials before starting could pay off in the long run.”

Jim shook his head. “I don’t have a few days available to practice,” he answered with some annoyance and the doctor shook his head, giving in.

“All right then, sit back and close your eyes, I want you to slow down your breathing and relax. Just breathe easily.” The doctor waited until he saw Jim’s body relax. “Okay now picture a radio dial with numbers from one to ten. Right now your hearing is set,” he stopped to check his papers, “at eight. I want you to bring the dial down to three.” He waited. “The sounds should get softer when you do.” He watched and waited and then Jim opened his eyes in surprise.

“It worked.”

The doctor smiled. “It helps but doesn’t work against sudden input or serious overloads or sometimes if you’re just too tired to keep the dials in place, which happens in the course of every day life. That’s where a guide comes in. The bonding reinforces the dials, sets them if you will and allows the sentinel far more control.” Dr. McCoy could tell Jim wasn’t interested in hearing about a guide. “All right, shall we try this with smell?” Jim nodded…

Walking into Major Crimes two hours later, Jim considered the doctor’s advice, “try and limit the stimulation coming in. Try and stay in low lighting, quiet places,” and looked around the bullpen with amusement despite the headache that began to flare as sights and sounds bombarded his newly emerging senses. This was obviously not what the doctor had in mind, there was shouting and glaring fluorescent lights that made him squint, computer monitors that flickered annoyingly and stale smelling air, but knowing what was wrong Jim knew he could handle it, at least for the short amount of time he’d be in the bullpen. He had spent an hour with the doctor lowering three dials: sight, hearing and smell and though he had to concentrate or they slipped going painfully higher he felt reasonably sure he could hold up until he got home. Taking a deep breath and walking over to Simon’s door, Jim waved to Rhonda before knocking and walking in to look at his Captain automatically gauging the other man’s mood.

Simon Banks was a tall African American, taller than Jim’s own six one by a good two or three inches. He was lean, and despite desk duty as Captain, was still in good shape even if he didn’t see as much action as he had when he was a detective. He was just a few years older than Jim, somewhere in his early forties, but he had the air of an older, wiser man. He was respected both as a cop and as a Captain though his subordinates tended to avoid him when he took off his glasses and pinched his nose or when he ran out of coffee – a rare event since his cousin owned a coffee shop and kept sending strange coffee blends. Simon Banks was also, in Jim’s opinion, a friend.

Simon looked up from his desk, his eyes taking in his lead detective’s relaxed posture and guessed that Jim had some good news from the doctor. He had been worried the last couple weeks as headaches would suddenly flare leaving Jim unable to work. It was what had led him to insist Jim see a doctor. Pulling the cigar he had clamped between his teeth away from his mouth, he smiled as he adjusted his glasses, ignoring the trail of smoke and Jim’s wrinkled nose at the smell. “Good news?” he asked as his detective walked in and perched on the window sill ignoring the chairs.

Jim nodded. “Yes and no. I know what’s wrong and it’s easily fixed but the condition is permanent.”

“Well, don’t keep me in suspense man.”

“The doctor says I’m a sentinel. The headaches are caused by my senses coming online but that will stop as soon as the Sencease kicks in.” Jim paused and then added with a shrug, “I’ll need the next three days off while the drug takes effect.”

Simon’s brown eyes were wide as he stared at the detective. “You’re a sentinel?” he repeated and watched his detective nod. “Damn.” He looked down putting the cigar in an ashtray as he considered the information. “Three days off?”

“Yeah, that’s how long it takes for the Sencease to kick in and before you ask, no, I am not interested in getting a guide.” Simon Banks nodded his understanding. A sentinel guide pair in Major Crimes would be the coup of all time but being a bonded sentinel in the police department wasn’t easy on a sentinel. The one pair in the Cascade PD had a hellishly hard time from other cops because of the relationship between sentinel and guide. Old prejudices died hard among the brothers in blue. Most sentinel guide pairs ended up in other fields, search and rescue, the fire department, the armed service specialty divisions, even Quantico and Langley. He knew the PD’s sentinel guide pair were connected with the CSU unit where the sentinel’s extraordinary senses could be put to good use. Every department wanted to use that pair’s input on a case but aside from the unit itself protecting them, no other cops seemed inclined to befriend them.

“You’ll be fine in three days?” Jim nodded. “Should I take you off the Henderson case? Brown just started working with some kid from Criminal Investigations who was tracing the wallet found downtown. I could hand him the lead.”

“No, Sir.” Jim shook his head. “I’ll have H keep me up to date. It’s only three days Simon.”

Banks considered it. “Three days,” he repeated and gave in with a sigh. There really was nothing else he could do. “Fine, but if you think you can’t handle the case -” He watched his detective bristle at the statement and hid a smile before waving him away. “Go home. I’ll see you Friday.”

“Thanks Simon.” Jim turned and headed out the door. Grabbing his gear from his desk he crossed the bullpen squinting at the lighting and headed for the elevator glad to be leaving. The elevator started opening as he neared it and he hurried over relieved to be getting out of the over stimulating environment and was just about to enter as another man came out carrying some files, walking backwards and talking animatedly to Henri Brown a.k.a. H, one of his fellow detectives in Major Crimes. With a bang Jim Ellison crashed into the man. Ellison held his ground, his knees locking to keep him in place when the smaller man banged into him, and he grabbed the man he had collided with to keep him from falling, two strong hands landing on the man’s upper arms to steady him as folders spilled to the floor.

“Sorry,” he said as he righted the man, glancing down at an unfamiliar curly mop of hair and realizing he didn’t know the stranger. “Are you okay?” he asked and watched the man nod as he pushed his hair out of his face and turned to look up at the wall of muscle he had bumped into. “Good,” Ellison answered patting the stranger’s cheek and waving to H before turning and stepping into the elevator just as the doors closed.

Blair Sandburg, recently promoted, and therefore junior detective and (unbeknownst to most of the PD) unbonded guide, watched the man leave, practically in a state of shock, his mind still filtering through the sensations running from his cheek to the rest of his body. The brief contact caused the short hairs on the nape of his neck to stand up and his breathing to become labored. That was a sentinel and not just a sentinel; that was an unbonded, compatible sentinel. Blair had met several unbonded sentinels in his life, but physical contact with the others had not caused the reaction he had to this man. It could only mean one thing, he was an exceptionally compatible sentinel and Blair Sandburg could be his guide. Taking a tremulous breath, Blair turned toward the elevator, everything else forgotten, folders on the floor ignored as he moved to follow the man, his guide instincts kicking into overdrive. If he could find that man-

“You okay Blair?” Detective Brown asked cutting into Blair’s thoughts as Blair stared at the closed door wondering if he could race down the stairs and catch the man, his own body itching with the call of the bond. As a guide, he had always hoped to meet a compatible sentinel but he had never met an unbonded sentinel that made him react quite this strongly. The sudden reaction made him realize that the other sentinels he had met had not been totally compatible, not if this reaction was anything to go by.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Who was that?” he asked softly to keep himself from shouting as he glanced quickly at detective Brown, who was bending to retrieve the fallen files, before his large sapphire blue eyes settled back on the elevator.

“Jim Ellison, he’s a detective with Major Crimes.” Brown paused and looked over his companion noticing the flushed look and thinking Blair was angry at Jim because of the accidental collision. “He’s a good cop, decent enough guy and a good detective but he’s been a loner since the death of his partner some years ago. You’ll meet him soon enough, he’s the lead detective on the Henderson case and is working the murder angle.”

“He’s a sentinel,” Blair whispered with almost desperate need in his voice.

“What?”

Blair turned, blinking and trying to refocus. He needed to find out about this sentinel, and heavens forbid whether he was already working with a possible guide though Blair knew he was not yet bonded. “Nothing,” Blair smiled and turned back to Henri Brown, his eyes moving over to the sign on the door that announced the Major Crimes Division and the place where the sentinel worked.

Henri Brown nodded, handing the younger man some of the files before leading Blair into the bullpen where Blair looked around. He was a detective working out of Criminal Investigations, had been for the last eight months, with a good success rate and positive evaluations from his superiors. He liked Criminal Investigations and the people he worked with but looking around the bullpen of Major Crimes he could see this was where the energy was as people bustled back and forth, calling to each other as phones continuously rang and people shouted to one another across the room. And in any case, this was where his sentinel could be found – and so, this was where Blair needed to be, but getting a transfer into Major Crimes would not be easy. Major Crimes was the crème de la crème of the PD.

Realizing he would need an ally and an “in” if he was ever going to work his way into the department, he turned back and smiled, considering his temporary partner. Henri Brown was a detective, first class, attached to Major Crimes. A big African American man, with a pencil thin mustache, Henri Brown sported no hair on the top of his head, not like Blair’s own long mop of curls, but baldness worked for the detective in much the same manner as it had worked for Yul Brenner.

“It’s busy in here,” Blair intoned looking around and wondering how an unbonded sentinel could survive it. “Is it always like this?”

“What this?” H looked around and shook his head with a smile that clearly showed just how much he enjoyed working in Major Crimes, “This is nothing, it gets a lot worse.” Detective Brown dropped some files on his desk and pulled up a chair. “Have a seat and I’ll check in with my Captain and get us some coffee.”

Blair nodded his thanks and turned to examine the room as the detective disappeared. Looking around he wondered which desk belonged to Jim Ellison and fought back a desire to rummage around the room. Instead he tried to think of a way to get transferred in to Major Crimes. You needed a pretty spectacular record to get in and though Blair knew his was good, it wasn’t good enough. He was still too new as a detective. Glancing over at the file on Henri Brown’s desk, he wondered if this case might be the stepping stone. It was a high profile case being handled jointly by Major Crimes and Criminal Investigations and, since Brown’s partner Rafe was off for two weeks on vacation and Blair had been working on the case in Criminal Investigations, he was partnered with Brown. The junior detective wasn’t the lead, for that matter neither was Henri Brown but he was one of the players. If he could make a name for himself working with Brown, he might have a way in. Smiling at the idea he turned back to the file. He had planned on giving this case 100% of his time and effort, he always did with all his cases, but maybe if he could give 110% he might move up. He turned as Brown came back in the room carrying two mugs of coffee.

“You’re not going to get to meet Jim just yet,” Brown said glancing at an empty desk in the corner, Blair’s eyes following. “He’s the guy you collided with by the elevator and the lead detective on this investigation,” Brown handed Blair a mug. “He’s on medical leave for the next three days. We will have a meeting on this case with him on Friday.”

“Medical leave?” Blair questioned thinking of the healthy looking man who had almost bowled him over as his mind filled in the rest. Three days, exactly how long it takes Sencease to work. “Shit,” he mumbled to himself. Now he knew how the sentinel had survived the environment. He’d only just come online. The brighter side of that theory, Blair realized, was that the sentinel would not have had a chance to meet and link with another guide. Jim Ellison could be his.

Brown nodded, glancing over the younger man. “Ellison is almost never absent but it can’t be anything too bad; I’m to keep him up to date on what’s going on.” He opened the file as Blair nodded, thinking over the effects of Sencease and the time period needed to clear it out of the system for bonding, as Henri Brown pulled out a notepad before turning to the younger detective to get his input.

Henderson was a high profile case that actually began in Criminal Investigations and then got bumped up to Major Crimes. It had started out when a wealthy tourist from an extremely influential California family went missing in Cascade Park, Washington, a 400,000 acre forested area that eventually led all the way to the foot of the Cascade Mountains. It was federally protected land, full of wildlife, lakes and rugged terrain, and people who went through the park were always told by conservation officers to keep to the trails. At first, people thought the woman, Mrs. Henderson, had gotten lost and rescue workers had started combing the rugged terrain looking for her. After a week, when the temperature dropped to near freezing, the search and rescue effort had turned to a recovery effort looking for her remains as her husband and children waited, hope diminishing. At the time foul play had not been considered. However, when Mrs. Henderson’s wallet had turned up in downtown Cascade, the possibility that this was a “wrongful” death had emerged and Criminal Investigations had been given the case. Because of the husband’s influence, three detectives had been assigned the case, two seasoned investigators and a more recent junior detective, Blair Sandburg. The two seasoned investigators began questioning people in the area of the park while Blair had focused on the wallet trying to track where it came from and how it got to downtown Cascade.

While he was out investigating the wallet, the other two detectives brought in and questioned a number of locals who lived around Cascade Park and eventually arrested two men who were less than savory members of the community. Blair had insisted the two men in custody did not match the profile for killers and couldn’t even be placed at the scene or at any point in the city of Cascade where the wallet was found but the other detectives ignored him, leaving his name out when they announced the conclusion of their investigation with the arrest of the two men.

The two men were still in custody awaiting trial when Mrs. Henderson’s body was found – having been burned and thrown into a cave in a particularly secluded part of the woods – along with the remains of two other women. Suddenly, the case became the focus of a lot of media attention and the two detectives had to hang their heads when the coroner reported the additional victims had been killed, one while the suspects were locked up, the other when both men had air tight alibis. That was when the case got bumped up to Major Crimes and Blair Sandburg sent with it as the liaison, leaving the other two detectives behind.

For the next two hours Blair went over what he had done to track the wallet – who he had interviewed – including the homeless man who had been found with the wallet. He outlined his search pattern, his thoughts, and his hunches – mainly that the wallet had been dropped in downtown Cascade to divert the search from the Cascade Park. H nodded listening, before the pair went downtown and walked the area where the wallet was found. After a fruitless search the detectives came back to Major Crimes filling in some paperwork before deciding to spend the next day re-interviewing the homeless man hoping he might be more coherent. Calling it a day, Blair again eyed Jim’s desk with a speculative yearning look before heading home for the night.

As planned, the next day H and Blair interviewed the homeless man and tracked down his “friends,” Blair gently but firmly leading the interrogations. He got more out of the homeless men with his quiet talk than hard nosed interrogators could but they still came up with nothing which should have dampened their spirits but Blair couldn’t hide his excitement at the idea of meeting Jim Ellison on Friday and subtly kept up questions about Major Crimes and Jim Ellison. Blair hoped to get a sense of the sentinel and whether they could get along as a pair. However, he decided he’d better not tell anyone his intentions until he worked them out. In the meantime, he continued working with H who missed his own partner Rafe but found the young detective a funny, insightful substitute. Actually, H thought Blair might make a great addition to Major Crimes even if he looked like he should be attached to vice. Blair looked young. He was in his mid to upper twenties with long hair and earrings in one ear. He was small by PD standards, not quite five foot eight and slim but he had a wiry strength and H had no doubt he was exceptionally bright; you didn’t make detective in two years if you weren’t. Unfortunately, there was only one opening in Major Crimes, only one person who didn’t have an assigned partner and that was Jim Ellison. And Jim Ellison worked alone. Still, H couldn’t help but chuckle as he envisioned Blair as Jim’s partner.

The following day, Thursday, Blair and H went back downtown to once again canvass the area before meeting with Simon. Aside from a very brief greeting, Blair had not had contact with the Captain of Major Crimes and he tied his hair back and made sure he was dressed a bit more conservatively than his usual colorful clothing, wanting to make a good impression. Walking into the conference room right behind H, Blair smiled at the black man sitting and looking at the Henderson case file before taking a seat at the table.

H, taking a seat beside him, smiled at his Captain who pulled off his glasses rubbing the bridge of his nose and wiping his glasses before staring at the man. With a sigh H realized Simon Banks was not happy. When he started rubbing the bridge of his nose things were not going well.

“So detectives,” Banks began. “What is going on?”

H shook his head. “We canvassed downtown yesterday and today, Simon, but we haven’t found anything.”

“And what do you think about that?”

“I think,” Blair cut in nervously, making a concerted effort to keep his hands still, “that the perp dropped the wallet there to throw off the investigation.”

“And so what are you two going to do about that? Or are you gentlemen just going to wait around until Ellison comes back to do some detective work?”

H winced. “We’re heading down to forensics as soon as this meeting is over to see what they’ve found out. Maybe we can get some kind of lead.”

“Good.” Simon pulled a cigar from his jacket and chomped on it to release some aggression. “The Mayor is breathing down my neck since there’s been two more bodies found and I don’t like having the Mayor so close. So get a move on.” He watched H and Blair stand and turn. “Oh Sandburg,” he stopped the young man and Blair turned large blue eyes on the Captain. “Good theory. Make sure you give it to Ellison tomorrow. He’ll be meeting with you at 9:00 tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you sir,” Blair hurried after H as Simon shook his head considering how his lead detective was doing and wishing he had opted for a guide instead of Sencease. A sentinel in Major Crimes would solve a case like this in half the time.

***

Jim had gone home after his meeting with Simon and sat in his apartment unable to eat because of his overly sensitive taste buds and spending his time alternately covering his ears, scrunching his eyes closed and scratching at his skin as his senses – not yet dulled by the Sencease - plagued him. After an extremely difficult day, he spent an equally difficult sleepless night tossing and turning as sounds in the building assailed his ears. Come day two things did get a little better, his senses easing a bit but painful spikes continued though less frequently throughout the day.

By day three the spikes had eased and he finally got some real food and sleep, feeling normal again, and so he was in a good mood when he arrived at work Friday morning.

Gathering his files he carried them into the conference room before getting a cup of coffee and glancing at the clock. It was ten to nine and the meeting would begin at 9:00. Settling in he watched with amusement as a young man came bouncing in.

“Hi,” Blair looked over Jim as he came to a stop in front of the table. At the same time he was trying to see if he could sense anything of the sentinel but no, the Sencease was at work. “Blair Sandburg,” he held out his hand as he moved near a seat.

Jim reached out his hand. “H told me about you, from Criminal Investigations right?” Blair nodded trying not to show he was focused on the handshake looking for some spark of the sentinel but nothing happened. Cursing the Sencease he unconsciously moved closer to Jim dark blue eyes moving over the detective speculatively before he reluctantly pulled his eyes from Jim to the files.

“Detective Brown and I canvassed downtown Cascade and didn’t find anything,” Blair glanced over at Jim again wondering if the lead detective would admit he was out because of his senses and reminding himself that he needed to focus on the case if he wanted to get into Major Crimes.

“Yeah, he told me. I think today I’m going to take another look at the crime scene. I was… a little under the weather when I first saw it.” Blair nodded sympathetically though his mind raced to the conclusion that if it were his senses acting up, he would have done better to focus them and let them loose.

“Are you feeling better?”

“I’m fine,” Jim answered not watching Blair as he arranged some documents before glancing at the clock. H was rarely late and Jim wanted to get started, he had already lost three days and so he turned to Blair. “Why don’t you start and H can join in.”

Blair nodded and gave a quick succinct summary of his investigations prior to working with Henry Brown and even got Jim to smile over his rendition of his work with the Criminal Investigations detectives. By the time he finished it was 9:20 and Rhonda, Simon’s secretary, came to the door.

“Hello Jim,” the pretty blonde secretary smiled uncomfortably. She hated having to bring bad news around the office. “H called, he had a death in the family and won’t be in for the next week.”

Jim frowned in response, “Who?”

“His sister in law. It was a car accident.”

Jim sighed shaking his head in sympathy. “Are we taking up a collection?” he asked reaching for his wallet as Blair leaned forward to pull out his own. He didn’t know H well but had been working with him for three days. Rhonda nodded taking the money from the two men, Jim giving the young man a nod of approval as Blair eyed the remnants of his money noting that he had only another 20 dollars left in his wallet. Blair wasn’t the most financially secure person; he was still going to school at night to get his doctorate in anthropology and had accumulated a lot of university loans and bills from his undergraduate and graduate days so he had cause. Putting back his wallet and thinking how he would distribute his meager funds for the rest of the week he missed Jim’s statement and had to ask the older detective to repeat what he was saying.

“Let’s go. I want to see the crime scene.” Blair smiled and grabbed his stuff, enthusiastically following the sentinel out of the station.

***

Blair looked around at the deep green woods thinking them peaceful and innocent. It didn’t seem like the kind of location where three homicides could take place but his time on the force had taught him things were never what they seemed. Beauty often hid some ugly truths. Wandering around the woods he looked at the small alcove hidden by the trees as Jim turned and inspected the trees.

“It’s a place the killer knows,” he stated, his eyes turning speculatively to look at the landscape as he followed his own line of thinking to its conclusion. “The man is familiar with the forest. This place is too secluded for someone to happen upon. I think he must live near here. This place is too well chosen and he had to have time to deal with each of the victims without fear of interruption.”

“There is a town nearby, about four miles from here, and a local would know this section of the forest.” Blair hesitated looking around and wondering if he should continue. It wasn’t really proper to mention the prejudices of fellow officers and he had been careful when recounting the early investigations with Criminal Investigations. He didn’t want to cast his fellow detectives in a bad light even if he felt they deserved it. “The detectives interviewed a few transients there and a couple of the less savory locals but nothing panned out.”

“What did you think?” Jim turned startling blue eyes on him.

“I thought there were some more likely candidates that we should investigate but I was assigned to follow the wallet.” Jim chuckled at the look on Blair’s face.

“The new guy always gets the grunt work, Sandburg.” Jim spoke softly but he smiled and Blair smiled back, looking around.

“I’m working on my degree in anthropology,” he answered, his eyes on the flora as he carefully picked his words. “And I went to Peru when I was still getting my undergrad degree. I know this forest is not much like that one but the indigenous tribe I stayed with, the Chopec, they taught me that there are always some signs of who had been there if you just looked closely enough.” Blair turned and watched Jim closely as he added. “The shaman, Incacha, said a sentinel could see the signs.” Jim looked away.

“There’s no sentinel here, Chief, so we have to do this on our own.”

“There could be,” Blair whispered and Jim shot him a shocked look.

“I’m a guide. I doubt you remember it but you bumped into me at the elevator the day you started Sencease. I could tell you were a compatible sentinel.”

Jim didn’t answer right away but sighed looking away. Finally, he looked back at the younger detective.

“I don’t want to be a sentinel,” he answered succinctly, his voice saying the topic was closed. Blair nodded his understanding and the two headed for the nearest town to review the local’s police records.

***

George Tass looked out the window of his small rented bungalow and smiled. He lived on the outskirts of town and could clearly see the forest in the distance. Putting his small lunchbox on the table he automatically began emptying the contents, his fingers running over the thermos absently as he watched the last of the sunlight touching the treetops.

The woods were his place, his playground. Once, as a boy, his grandmother had told him the woods were the devil’s playground and he had turned speculative eyes on her. “The devil plays there?” he asked awed and the old lady had nodded. She then told him it was an evil place and he should stay away. He had been eight when she told him that. Ten years later, she had been his first victim, in the woods, the devil’s playground.

He hadn’t liked killing her all that much. He had to report her missing so he couldn’t play with the body the way he wanted too. Her death had to look like an accident. Yes, killing Grannie had been decidedly unsatisfying. But she had been the first and it had happened in the devil’s playground. She had always said he was a devil so it was appropriate that he kill her there.

Killing her had been easy too. When he hit her with the small branch to make it look like an accident she had given a soft whine looking at him in shock. He had smiled squatting down beside her, and as she started to lose focus, told her, “This is my playground now.” And he had guarded his territory ever since.

He had killed five other women in the woods. They had all wandered into his playground. When he killed the first two he had experimented a bit, cutting them before burying them. The next three he hadn’t buried and that had been his mistake. Searchers had found their remains. He would have to lie low for a while. Let people meander through his playground. But eventually, he would play again. Licking his lips at the idea George Tass turned back to start his supper.

***

Detectives Ellison and Sandburg drove from the murder site in the woods to the local sheriff’s office in relative silence, each keeping company with his own thoughts. Jim was considering with some discomfort how Blair, a guide, had happened to bump into him just when he came online as a sentinel. He was hoping the younger detective would keep his status quiet. Of course, Simon knew but no one else needed to know Jim’s business.

Blair’s thoughts were less apprehensive and more forlorn. He was considering the sentinel’s rejection with a heavy heart. He knew a lot of sentinels rejected their senses, some out of fear, others because of the way some uneducated people looked at them. And there were people who didn’t understand the bond, homophobes mostly who insulted and maligned sentinels. But as a guide, he was awed by a sentinel’s abilities and his brain was wired to help and bond to a sentinel.

Entering Sheriff Crawford’s office, Jim smiled at the woman seated at the desk exuding charm as he asked to see Sheriff Crawford. Jim knew a lot of pressure had been exerted to get them here, outside their jurisdiction, and he had been told to play nice with the local police force. Nodding and smiling back with a touch of interest, the secretary went into a small office and then returning beckoned the two men back.

Sheriff Crawford stood as Jim and Blair crowded into the small office and offered each his hand as introductions went round.

“So you are the two detectives from Major Crimes?” he stated looking over both with an appraising eye. “You know you don’t have jurisdiction here.”

Blair was going to answer but before he could Jim jumped in. “Agreed Sheriff, but unfortunately, this has become a big political issue in Cascade. Sorry to invade your territory.” Jim said all this both quietly and respectfully and after a moment the sheriff nodded to himself eyeing Jim.

“You’re ex-military?” he asked.

“Rangers.”

The answer seemed to interest the sheriff as he gave a hint of a smile. “I was a marine ten years ago.”

Jim nodded. “I’ve been told once you’re a marine; you’re a marine for life. The discipline never really leaves you.”

The sheriff nodded his agreement as he turned and stared at Blair. “You don’t look like you were in the armed services.”

“I wasn’t,” Blair answered, deciding Jim should deal with the sheriff. It was obvious they shared some background.

The sheriff considered the two men a moment then turned back to Jim. “Not much I can tell you beyond saying who it is not. The other bozos didn’t listen when I told them they arrested the wrong person.”

“They’re not on the case any longer,” Blair answered softly.

“Good.” The sheriff indicated a seat. “Like I said to the others, our office doesn’t have the man power to track this but here’s a list of people I thought might be worth interviewing.” He handed over the list. “Not that those other detectives used it.”

“We will,” Jim answered succinctly.

“Well, my office is at your disposal.”

“Thank you, Sheriff Crawford,” Jim took the list and stood. “This will give us a place to start.”

“Good luck, I hope you catch the bastard.”

Jim and Blair began their search right at the top of the list, in some cases reinterviewing people the other two detectives had interviewed. Two of the first four people on the list weren’t home, two had fairly solid alibis and the fifth didn’t even come close to matching the profile of a killer though Jim and Blair interviewed Donald Green anyway.

The sixth person on the list was George Tass and Blair and Jim debated interviewing him the next day since it was getting late but as they were in town they went to his address.

The first thing the detectives noticed was that the small dilapidated bungalow was on the edge of the woods. The second thing, Tass lived alone

Stepping up to the door, Jim rapped on the weather beaten wood and waited a moment until the door opened, George Tass standing in the frame.

George Tass was taller than Blair by about 3 inches but thin, wiry even. He had brown eyes that stared out from a round face and a small mouth that made him look as though he was constantly frowning. Blair and Jim guessed he was young but something about his face made him seem old. “Mr. Tass?” Jim asked and received a suspicious nod. “My name is Detective Ellison, this is Detective Sandburg. May we have a few minutes of your time?”

“Is this about those killings?”

“Yes, it is,” Jim answered. “May we come in?”

Jim watched, silent internal alarms sounding as Tass’ eyes shifted around nervously before he nodded opening the door and letting the two detectives in. Jim guessed the man was guilty of something as he and Blair walked in and glanced around the room noting the piles of newspapers in the corner.

“Have you lived here long?” Blair asked pulling out his notepad.

“Yeah, I have.” Blair couldn’t decide if the answer was wary or belligerent as he nodded. “It must be quiet here?” He looked up and smiled his eyes going to Jim who was very carefully cataloging the room.

It was a large room, the living area and kitchen connected with two doors at the back which would lead to the bedroom and bathroom. “Coming from the city, I would find this quiet unsettling,” Blair continued.

“Lived here all my life.”

“You don’t find the woods creepy?” Blair asked. Tass shook his head as Jim looked at the only photograph in the room, one of what was obviously a younger Tass beside a much older woman.

“Is that you?” Jim asked though he knew the answer.

Tass paused and looked at the picture. “Yeah, with my grandmother,” he turned and looked off towards the woods.

“Did she pass?” Blair asked not unkindly.

“In the woods. A branch fell on her three years ago.”

“What was she doing in the woods,” Jim asked trying to sound curious rather than suspicious though alarm bells were going off in his head and he could tell they were going off for Blair too.

“Don’t know,” Tass answered. “She always called the woods the devil’s playground,” he answered with a smile. Jim and Blair exchanged glances as Blair turned to survey the room again. He wanted a look at the dates on the newspapers but couldn’t think of a way to get over there. For the second time that day he found himself wishing Jim accepted his sentinel abilities. He would be able to see the small print across the room.

“If you’re through,” Tass answered.

“Just a couple of questions Mr. Tass. You haven’t seen any suspicious people near the edge of the woods?” The man shook his head and Jim nodded and looked at Blair. “We should go. We have four more people to interview in the area,” he said though both Jim and Blair knew they weren’t interviewing anyone else that day. Jim turned toward the door but turned back his face schooled. “Your grandmother called the woods the devil’s playground. What do you call it?”

“I guess I kept her nickname for it,” Tass answered opening the door.

“Grandmothers like to give things and people nicknames. Mine called me a ‘little monster’ until I was 20,” Blair added.

“Mine called me a little devil,” Tass answered automatically as Jim stepped outside, walking towards the car, Blair beside him. Getting in they drove for a few minutes putting some distance between themselves and Tass before Jim pulled to the side of the road.

“He’s the one,” Blair said softly and Jim nodded his agreement.

“Yeah, now we just have to prove it.”

***

Simon Banks looked up from his report to the commissioner when he heard a knock on his office door. “Come,” he called and watched Jim and Blair enter. “Anything I can tell the commissioner?”

“Yes, Sir, we found our perp. We just have to prove it.”

Sighing Simon rose from his desk and walked over to the conference table indicating the men should join him. Taking their seats Blair glanced at Jim knowing the man was the lead detective but Jim waved to him and Blair, with a grateful smile, pulled out his notes.

“George Tass,” Blair read. “He lives alone near the edge of the woods in an isolated area.” Blair paused looking up at Simon, “where he can see any comings and goings in the woods. He’s a mechanic with access to a lot of industrial tools and he calls the woods the devil’s playground. And he refers to himself as the devil.”

Simon sat back. “That’s it?” he asked and Blair wasn’t sure exactly how to answer.

“He’s guilty,” Jim answered for him.

“And you know this because?”

“Because I’ve been a detective for a long time,” Jim replied and Simon looked at Blair

“You feel the same way?”

“Yes, Captain. He fits the profile and there was definitely something wrong with him.”

“Okay, how do we flush him out?” Simon continued.

“We make him think that the killer’s been caught and then send in a decoy,” Jim answered.

“These woods are pretty big,” Simon began.

“We only need to concentrate in one area,” Blair answered. “Where his grandmother died.”

“Or was killed,” Jim said quietly and Blair nodded with a grim expression.

“Let’s set it up,” Simon agreed. “I’ll talk to the commissioner about sending out a false report.”

“Yes, Sir.” Jim rose and Blair stood to follow Jim out of the door.

“One moment, Sandburg, I’d like to speak with you.” Blair slowly sat back down as Jim walked out the door.

“Any problems partnering with Jim? He’s generally a loner.”

“No Captain, Jim’s a really good detective. Easy to work with.”

“A lot of people find him difficult to work with because he’s so private about his life.”

Blair considered the statement for a moment. “I’m studying anthropology so I observe people. I guess that makes it easier to get along with him.” Blair paused and smiled sheepishly. “And I guess I talk enough for both of us.”

“Jim doesn’t mind?” Simon asked in surprise.

“He hasn’t said anything. You don’t think he’s being polite about my talking?”

“Believe me Sandburg, if Jim wanted you quiet, he’d have no qualms about telling you.” He waved the younger man out of the office and watched through the blinds as Blair moved over to join Jim at his desk.

An hour later, Jim knocked on Simon’s door and poked his head in. “Hey Simon, I’m heading out. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Jim, hold up a second.” The detective paused and entered the room. “What do you think of your partner?”

Jim took a seat. “Simon, he’s smart and observant. He knows how to get information from people and when to step back. He’s a good detective.”

“If this pans out and we catch the perp I could transfer him to Major Crimes as your permanent partner.”

Jim considered the idea and nodded. “As partners go, he’s good.”

“So you’d be okay with him?”

“Yeah,” Jim nodded. “If I have to have a partner,” he held up a hand as Simon started to answer, “better him than some incompetent relative of the Commissioner’s.”

“So get out and solve the crime so I can transfer him in.”

***

Sheriff Crawford was surprised when Jim and Blair entered his office the next day. Greeting the men and offering them seats, he asked politely if there was something he could do. Jim leaned forward and lowered his voice. “We think we found the perp.” Crawford raised an eyebrow and Jim continued. “George Tass fits the profile and has some history with the woods.”

“Wait,” the sheriff glanced at the ceiling for a moment before looking at Jim. “Someone in his family died in the woods, an accident I think.”

“Or maybe not an accident,” Blair answered.

Crawford thought this over and then leaned forward. “I take it you don’t have evidence to back this up?”

“No,” Jim smiled. “But we just might be able to get him with your help.”

Crawford considered the request and nodded. “Tass has always been a strange one so I guess I’m not surprised. What do you need?”

“Release a rumor saying we’ve got the killer under surveillance in Cascade. Make it sound like the killer was a transient. Then we’ll send a police woman into the woods and see if we can catch him.”

“How do you know he’ll go for the woman?”

“We don’t,” Blair answered. “But he’ll think he’s safe since we are looking elsewhere and he’ll hate the fact that someone else is getting credit for his kills. And he has a taste for killing,” Blair added softly.

“Then we’ll have an undercover cop stop to get directions at his house since he’s near the edge of the woods - just before entering,” Jim finished.

“It might work,” Crawford agreed. “And as to starting a rumor, well that’s easy. After you leave, I’ll mention how you have the suspect under surveillance to my secretary in front of Mrs. Green. She stops in at five every day with my dinner. All I have to do is mention it in front of her and it’ll be all over town by tomorrow.”

Blair smiled. “Then we let Tass give directions to a police woman heading towards his little neck of the woods and set up surveillance.”

“You have a woman officer?” Crawford asked.

“One he’ll never suspect,” Jim answered with a smile of his own. “She’s on exchange from Australia.”

“Okay,” Crawford agreed. “I’ll do my part but you better be pretty vigilante. Tass knows the woods.”

“Thank you Sheriff.” Jim and Blair stood and turned for the door.

Sheriff Crawford knew his people. By the next evening everyone in town knew that the Cascade PD were moving their search back to Cascade. Once again, the small town relaxed, people happily realizing there were no killers among their own people.

At the same time, the detectives kept up covert surveillance on the area in case a hapless traveler wandered by, lulled into security by the false reports. Then they went in, Megan Conner acting as bait.

Megan Conner was an inspector in Australia. As such, she was trained in the use of weapons and self-defense and could defend herself quite well. She was not by any means helpless despite the fact that she showed up at George Tass’ door in a flimsy hiking outfit, a backpack fastened to her shoulders and a bottle of water and map in her hands.

Knocking on the door on an early Saturday afternoon, all too aware of Tass’ schedule and that he was home, she smiled. “Hey, Mate,” she greeted. “My cellphone is dead; could I use your phone?”

Tass looked over the girl suspiciously then nodded and opened the door pointing to the kitchen area. “Thanks, I just need to check in.”

Tass watched as Conner dialed the phone. “Hey Frank,” she said making sure her voice was loud enough to carry over to Tass. “I’m hiking through the woods near Cascade.” She paused and Tass watched her smile. “Good, good, I’ll be hiking for another 2 or 3 days so you won’t hear from me till I get back to San Francisco.” Another pause. “Yes, a week or so.” She nodded. “Talk to you then.” She hung up and turned to Tass. “Thanks, Mate. I’m going to head southwest into the woods.”

Tass didn’t say anything and Megan watching him smiled again. “I know the authorities say stick to the trails but I do a lot of walking in the outback so the woods don’t scare me.” As she spoke, Megan seated her backpack better and walked to the door. “My mum used to say the woods were the devil’s place but I could never see it.” She opened the door and deliberately headed southwest and off the path. “Thanks again Mate,” she waved and called back.

Megan Conner made no attempt to hide her trail as she traipsed through the woods. She needed the trail to be easily followed and so she hiked for a good five miles, all the while in radio contact with Ellison who followed covertly. Ellison had been a ranger; as such he knew how to move through the woods unseen. Dressed in camouflage, he followed Megan silently, his eyes and ears always on alert for any movement or sound. And as Ellison followed Conner, Sandburg kept up surveillance on Tass, so he was able to report when Tass entered the woods two hours after Megan left.

That night, Conner lit a small fire in the general area Ellison and Sandburg had identified as “Tass’ playground” and sat down to prepare a meal, humming to herself as she pulled out a small pot and a can of soup. Opening it, she had just started heating the meal when a snapping twig caught her attention and what looked like a shadow flitted between two trees off to her right. “Is there someone out there?” She stood looking around, a hand automatically reaching down to pat the small gun she was carrying in her vest. No one answered, not that she expected someone to and she sat back down sure Ellison had heard her call out and was moving into position.

Humming to herself, but loudly, to give the impression she was nervous, Conner went back to heating her soup as she covertly watched the shadows, her hearing focused for any sound that was out of place. A half hour later, Megan was sure someone was in the trees just to her left, and after putting the pot back in her knapsack stood stretching, and grabbed her sleeping bag. Figuring Tass would attack once she was resting she began shaking out the sleeping bag, hoping to draw him in by pretending to sleep. She had her gun in her vest and she would have it out and ready should he turn up once she was lying down. And she would stop Tass with lethal force if necessary.

She was just laying the bag on the ground, both hands occupied, when the attack came from behind. In one swift motion, Tass jumped out, knife ready. Megan fumbled, surprised by the attack, and dropping the bag to free her hands, she tried to reach for her gun as she saw the blade moving towards her neck. Thinking she wouldn’t have enough time to get the gun out she desperately tried to grab the hand holding the blade as it neared her jugular though the forward momentum seemed to carry it nearer despite her efforts. But before Tass could pierce the sensitive skin and drive home the blade, even as Megan’s hands moved trying to stop the assailant, another shadow dove straight into Tass, a hand wrenching the blade back and away from Megan, as Tass was knocked clear of his would be victim. The momentum of the body crashing into him sent him sprawling to the hard ground, the knife flying out of reach as Jim dove onto the man, pinning him down. With a shaky breath of relief, Megan turned and seeing the two men fighting on the ground pulled out her gun and put the weapon to Tass’ head.

“Freeze,” she demanded as Jim stood, pulling out his handcuffs and looking down at George Tass before turning to her.

“You okay?” he asked and Megan sighed.

“Fine, mate.” She paused and then added, “thanks.”

An hour later, Tass was picked up and Megan and Jim walked out of the woods to find both Simon and Blair waiting near Tass’ home. The attempted murder of Inspector Megan Conner gave the detectives ample grounds to get a search warrant and the CSU team was already combing his small bungalow looking for evidence when Jim came over patting Blair on the back.

“You all right?” Simon asked Megan and Jim and they both nodded. “Good.” He put a cigar between his teeth and took a puff. “Jim, I want you and Blair to run the interrogation. Keep it by the book; I don’t want some lawyer getting him off on a technicality.”

Jim nodded his agreement and headed for Sheriff Crawford’s office, where Tass was being held, pending indictment on charges.

It ended up that Jim and Blair didn’t need to interrogate Tass. He was more than ready to confess and after being mirandized he signed off on the confession admitting to six murders and one attempted murder. The state provided Tass with a lawyer who thought about trying an insanity defense but in the end, after consulting with his client and the DA, Tass pleaded guilty to the charges in exchange for the DA taking the death penalty off the table.

Two days after the confession, as Jim and Blair finished up the paperwork for the case, Simon Banks called Blair into his office. Indicating the detective should take a seat Simon perched on the end of his desk and looked over the young man. In Simon’s opinion, he looked like he should be attached to vice with the young face and long curls but he had proved more than competent and Jim had gotten along with him. There were very few people that Jim could partner with successfully; the detective was too driven and much too intense for most investigators. So, finding someone both competent and agreeable that Jim okayed was tantamount to a miracle in the Captain’s book and he looked down at the young man thoughtfully.

“Jim says you did a good job. He also says he would be willing to partner with you on a permanent basis,” Simon stated without preamble and watched the smile that crept up the young man’s face. Blair had so wanted to be in Major Crimes, actually felt a physical need to be here beside the person he was fast accepting as his destined sentinel. “Jim’s been without a permanent partner for two years. It’s rare enough for Jim to partner with anyone for a short time so the fact that he’s willing to have you assigned as his official partner is unprecedented.” He looked closely at the young man. “Want to enlighten me how you did it?”

“I…” Blair paused unsure how to continue.

“I’ve looked over **ALL** your records, including your college courses,” Simon continued emphasizing the word all. “Could your guide training have something to do with your acceptance?”

“I am a guide,” Blair admitted. “And Jim is a sentinel. Even on Sencease something may have clicked so that we can work together well.”

Simon nodded. “Will the fact that he is on Sencease be a problem?”

“No sir, he won’t be bothered by the fact that I am a guide.”

“And what about you?”

“Sir?”

“Will you have a problem working with a sentinel on Sencease? You are an unbounded guide.”

“I won’t have a problem,” Blair stated emphatically. There was no way he wouldn’t stay near HIS sentinel.

“All right, I’ll put in for permanent assignment and we will see how things go.” Simon put out his hand. “Welcome to Major Crimes and my team, detective.”

Simon put in the transfer request but he already knew Blair would be transferred.

As a direct result of the investigation and the capture of George Tass, Blair Sandburg was transferred to Major Crimes as James Ellison’s partner.

***

Time passed and some things changed. For one thing, Blair’s warehouse home blew up when a drug lab that had moved in next door was destroyed. As a result, Blair came to stay with Jim for a week after the explosion, but the week extended exponentially as Jim realized his partner: was left with almost nothing, was paying for school, and supporting his wayfaring mother. Understanding how strapped for cash the kid was and recognizing how deep the friendship had grown in such a short time, Jim offered to “rent” Blair a room, the pair deciding they could share household chores. Jim then helped Blair track down who had blown up his home and in the process they uncovered a dirty cop and stopped a gang war. They also cleared an innocent cop’s name during the investigation. As detectives, they made a great team, the best in Major Crimes. They were also friends outside of work and Blair found he was comfortable living with Jim. Partners at work, friends at home, they were well matched. Only one thing marred the idyllic picture and it glared mockingly at the younger detective from the kitchen counter every day, the bottle of Sencease. If only Jim would give up on the drug, accept who and what he really was, they could have a sentinel guide bond.

Still they were good friends. They went camping when they had vacations both enjoying the outdoors, Jim teaching Blair to fish, and each time they went Blair hoped Jim would forget the drug but Jim never did. Every once in a while Blair would mention sentinels and bonding but Jim’s answer was always the same, “NO.” The worst part though, was Blair refused to look for any other sentinel. He was sure he was meant to guide Jim, if only the stubborn sentinel would see it.

Blair was feeling particularly frustrated the night he went to meet up with some college friends. “Hey Blair,” they waved and the detective came to sit with three men in a bar called Henley’s near the campus. “How’s protecting and serving?”

“It’s good,” Blair answered with a small smile.

“Funny you don’t seem happy,” Josh answered sitting back. Josh had been a sociology major in school and not only went on to get his PHD but also got a job in Corporate America. Tall with straw colored hair he had always been the most controversial of the three so it was rather funny he had ended up so established.

“It’s not that. I’m happy with work and I am still working on my doctorate,” Blair answered softly as he poured a beer from the pitcher on the table.

“It’s the guide thing, isn’t it?” David asked. David had been a fellow anthropology student. A light skinned African American he had gone on with his studies and was just getting back from a field trip to Africa. Blair shrugged in answer and David frowned. “But I thought you found your sentinel.”

“I have,” Blair took a sip of his drink and looked off. “But he’s on Sencease.”

“Shit,” the final member of the group stated. Blair looked over and smiled at the third member, Mark. Mark was also a guide but had never found his compatible sentinel so he understood better than anyone the kind of frustration Blair faced. “How do you know he’s compatible?’

“I met him the day he started Sencease. I’ve never reacted to any sentinel the way I reacted to him. It was like BAM, Holy Grail Time.” Blair’s eyes lit up but then he sighed and shook his head as Mark nodded his understanding.

“Did you tell him?” David asked.

Blair nodded looking down into his beer. “He doesn’t want to be a sentinel.”

The three friends looked at Blair sympathetically. In theory they all understood how frustrating this was for a guide. “You could force a bond,” Josh said leaning closer. “I mean I have heard of it, a guide kidnapping his sentinel and locking him up for three days and then bonding.”

“Are you crazy?” David shook his head. “That would never work.”

“Why not?” Josh countered. “The sentinel would be online and ready for bonding.”

“But it would be rape,” Blair answered.

“Would it?” Josh countered. “Rape is about power and control. That’s not what you want.”

“It would be taking the power to choose from the sentinel,” David countered.

“Think about it this way,” Josh countered. “You go to a doctor and get a prostate exam. Is that rape?”

“Of course not,” David answered.

“Why?”

“Because it’s not done to take power from you but to make sure you remain healthy.”

“Right,” Josh agreed. “And bonding would make sure the sentinel remained whole and healthy.”

Blair frowned looking at Josh. “Have you ever met anyone who was in a forced bond? Did it work?”

“There have always been stories,” Josh answered. “But honestly, no, I’ve never met anyone who was forced into a bond. Or at least I never met anyone who admitted to it. But there are ways it could be done,” he finished cryptically. “If you think about it, for all their strengths, sentinels are extremely vulnerable without guides. If a guide knew for certain that he was compatible with a sentinel he could force it. Lock up a sentinel somewhere isolated for three days without Sencease and he is ripe for bonding. A little necessary bondage to keep him from escaping, a quick little zone to incapacitate him and BAM he’s bonded. I’m surprised I don’t hear about things like that happening though I guess it has to do with the fact that guides can’t always tell they’re compatible with specific sentinels. Still there are a lot of desperate guides out there. Not you Blair, but guides do sometimes go a little crazy about sentinels.” He glanced at the detective as he lifted his beer to gauge what he thought of the idea.

“It would be wrong,” Blair answered quietly and the others agreed.

But unfortunately, the seed had been sown and Blair couldn’t dismiss it the way he had dismissed the conversation. Not that Blair would force a bond, that would be wrong but after that night, it became his greatest fantasy. He dreamed of forcing Jim off the medication and then making slow passionate love to the man. He jerked off fantasizing about bringing Jim to ecstasy. He was careful never to tell his roommate about these fantasies but night after night they became his greatest, secret pleasure. Eventually, they took on a life of their own and when Blair had the time to think about them he envisioned Jim beneath him, arching up to meet Blair’s thrusts as Blair pleasured the sentinel. Still Blair did nothing, he didn’t tell Jim about the fantasies but in the privacy of his own mind they were constantly rerun.

Life continued on, Jim content, Blair secretly frustrated, until something finally shattered the calm.

***

The detectives were on their way back from a stake out. It was late, just after 2 am and the two detectives were tired, they had been working for more than 20 hours straight filling in for another shift. The stakeout was near a club and they had been forced to leave Jim’s truck parked several blocks away while they watched a small building waiting to see if a known drug lord would be going in. Unfortunately, adding to their weariness was the fact that the drug lord never showed. It was a cool night, not yet cold and the pair had hidden in the shadows watching the building, half an eye on the club next door until their relief showed.

They were just starting the walk back to the car, Blair trailing a few yards behind Jim because he had stopped to tie his shoe when Blair overhead an argument in front of the club. He could hear two men cursing and groaned thinking how tired he was before turning to look behind him. Jim walking in front of him realized his partner had stopped and turned, watching Blair, Jim’s body silhouetted by a small window in the wall behind him as his eyes scanned his partner, waiting.

Blair still watching what was happening across the street, saw the two men move from cursing to fighting and in the glaring light from the club the detective saw them grapple with a gun each trying to claim it. In a heartbeat, Blair realized that as a result of the fight the gun was pointed directly at where Jim was standing.

Jim unaware of what was happening heard his partner scream his name before Blair barreled into him tackling him, Jim hitting the sidewalk hard, Blair on top of him. At that same moment a shot rang out and the window where Jim had been standing shattered raining glass down on the detectives.

Sheet white and breathing hard, Blair looked at the spot where Jim’s head had been silhouetted and then back down at the detective before the two brushed off the broken glass and moved with stealth and caution toward the struggling pair. Holding up his gun, Jim pointed it, identified himself, and demanded the two men lie face down on the ground. Turning in shock they looked up at Jim as Blair pulled his gun and the two realized they were trapped. Following orders they separated and in minutes they were handcuffed and a patrol car was picking them up.

Jim seemed to take the matter in stride, but Blair, white faced, kept looking at the shattered window and considering how close Jim had come to being a victim. It kept echoing through his thoughts as they once again set off for home.

The loft was quiet when Blair followed Jim in, mimicking Jim’s actions by throwing his keys in the basket by the door before hanging his coat on the hook and watching as the detective turned on the lights. He felt numb as he removed his holster hanging it up as Jim did the same if a bit more slowly with a wince of pain from being tackled and hitting the ground hard. The two men still following their normal routine locked up their guns for the night, Blair’s eyes continually returning to and lingering on Jim, aware of how close he had come to losing his sentinel.

All this was done in silence, Jim his usual taciturn self and Blair still in shock, his mind screaming he had almost lost Jim today. The close call scared the younger detective but it also made him angry. Paradoxically, it was not the perps that made him mad, it was Jim. If Jim had used his senses instead of bottling them up with Sencease he would have known about the fight. Fear of losing Jim had turned from cold dread to almost illogical anger and Blair was shaking as he watched his partner, the man he secretly loved with all his heart, as Jim went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer before offering one to his partner. Blair looked at the offered drink and shook his head. “You were almost killed today,” he accused with a growl and Jim looked over at him surprised by the angry tone.

“It happens Chief, it’s part of the job.”

“It didn’t have to happen.” Blair paced his hands flinging out before he rounded on Jim, crowding into the sentinel’s personal space and making him step back. “If you were online you would have heard the fight, you would have seen the gun. You could have been killed.” The last words were shouted as Blair turned and paced angrily.

“I’m not online; I’m not going to be online. If I weren’t a sentinel this argument would be over, so it is over,” Jim snarled before turning and stalking up the stairs, beer forgotten.

Blair watched him go, his lips pressed tight in anger as he considered what had happened before deciding if Jim wouldn’t do something about this situation than he would. He couldn’t let this kind of idiocy go on any longer.

Turning toward his room and thinking he would have to do some careful planning, he snagged his laptop from the table as he went. It was time Blair decided that he take charge, knowing what was best for his partner and sentinel.

***

The atmosphere between the pair was strained for the next few days, Blair silent and angry, Jim distant. They didn’t talk at home or share meals, they barely spoke at work and when they did it was work related and they didn’t keep each other company beyond work. In the bullpen, other members of the Major Crimes unit began to wonder what was going on and to tentatively ask if anything was wrong. Simon, friend to both, tried to talk to them but got nowhere since neither was admitting what the trouble was. But after three days of silence at work and home (two of those days Blair disappeared right after work not saying where he was going and turned up at the loft close to dawn looking exhausted) the young detective went in to see the Captain and suggested that Simon give them a week’s vacation so they could iron out their problems. Simon thought it a great idea, it would relieve the tension between the two and ease the tension in the bullpen. After reviewing the two detectives’ case loads and court calendars, Simon arranged a week’s leave for both. Jim was a bit surprised and not entirely pleased since he hadn’t been consulted, when Simon, Blair beside him, called the detective into his office and announced the vacation for the two. “What?” Jim asked in surprise.

“You need this, detective,” Simon answered and Jim had glared at first him and then Blair but the younger man smiled, trying to soften the command.

“Please Jim. As a surprise I’ve arranged a small cabin. We can go hiking and fishing and just relax. We’ll get in sync with each other.” Jim, watching Blair, shrugged. As far as he was concerned, he wasn’t the one that was being unreasonable.

“Okay,” he agreed at last, relaxing. Maybe, just maybe, Blair was finally getting over his sentinel obsession.

***

The morning they were to leave for the cabin, Blair and Jim started their day much as they always did. One or the other made a pot of coffee and then Jim opened the bottle of Sencease he kept on the counter and pulled out one of the small white pills. Putting the pill down in the cap, he turned to get his coffee but before he could turn back, Blair called out from the other side of the counter while looking down at the small pill, “Jim, the milk is bad, don’t use it. Get another container.” Jim hadn’t noticed anything particularly bad about the milk but he shrugged and turned getting some fresh milk before swallowing his pill. Packing the pills in a duffle he checked the locks, grabbed his keys and headed out the door just behind Blair.

It was a long drive up to the cabin, especially since Jim insisted on stopping to pick up necessities such as toilet paper, hot chocolate and marshmallows on the way up and more than once Jim noted just how far off it seemed to be as Blair provided directions. About three quarters of the way up, Jim began to develop a headache that bordered on being a migraine, the light seeming to bother his eyes and make the headache worse and Blair took over the drive suggesting maybe Jim was tired and his body was winding down from the stress of the last week.

Leaning back against the passenger seat, Jim glanced over at his friend. His headache was getting worse and thinking was becoming difficult so he rummaged through the glove compartment until he found some aspirin and swallowed two tablets dry before again leaning back and closing his eyes.

“Headache worse?” The soft question sounded sad and Jim nodded. “When we get to the cabin I’ll make you something to eat and then you can sleep it off,” Blair suggested.

Jim sighed letting Blair’s voice roll over him. He had never realized just how soothing it could be. After a while the aspirin kicked in and eased the tight bands around his head and Jim glanced around squinting in the afternoon sun. They had left the city hours ago and as they got further and further away he seemed to relax a bit more. “How are you feeling Jim?” Blair asked after a while noticing that some of Jim’s tension had eased.

“Better Chief. The aspirin seemed to do the trick. You want me to take over driving?”

“Nah, you just relax. We should be there in an hour or so.” Jim nodded and leaned back closing his eyes and thinking about his partner.

Supposedly, guides were bisexual and on too many occasions Blair had made it clear that he wouldn’t be averse to bonding with Jim, so a sexual relationship with a man was not out of the cards for Blair. Not that Jim wanted to be a sentinel, he didn’t, period, end of discussion, but he had to admit, at least to himself, he loved Blair and wondered if that love could be demonstrated physically. He had never had or wanted a relationship with a man before, hell he’d never been attracted to a man before Blair but Jim was honest enough to consider what such a relationship would entail and whether Blair might be amenable if it was outside of a sentinel guide bond.

If something did spark between them they would have to keep it quiet. Sentinels and guides were allowed to be partners and be in a relationship – they had to work together for the sentinel to function whether they continued a relationship once bonded or not - the benefits way outweighed the problems inherent in having partners in a relationship working together. But for regular working partners, no relationships were allowed within the same station because of conflicts of interest, objectivity issues, etc. Also, cops took a very nasty view of male/male relations in general even among sentinels and guides and Jim doubted he and Blair would get much support from his colleagues. Thinking that perhaps sometime this week he could put out feelers and see if Blair might be interested in taking a step beyond friendship, he considered what they would need to discuss. Assuming Blair agreed, they would need to discuss the mechanics, Jim didn’t see either of them exclusively as a bottom even if he, as a sentinel, was physically more suited to it. Of course, they could figure out if bottoming was right for them as they went along, after all they would be exploring “virgin” territory - at least he would be. They could take turns he supposed and there were other options beyond penetration that they could consider. And assuming they did start something, would they be exclusive? They lived in the same small space. If they weren’t committed to one another that could turn their relationship into a nightmare. Yeah, things could turn south very easily he decided and wondered if the relationship might be a bad idea. They lived together, worked together and played together. Maybe, he should be content with that; maybe that should be enough. He would hate to lose the most important relationship in his life because of the stress of sex.

As these thoughts rolled through Jim’s head Blair kept his own counsel heading up to the cabin. He constantly checked himself to make sure he stayed calm and at ease. It wouldn’t do for Jim to see just how excited he was about this particular vacation. When he realized that Jim needed his senses and would never accept them Blair had decided he knew what was best for both of them and began the arrangements that would make Jim his sentinel. He had lost two nights sleep traveling to and from the cabin to make sure all was ready but he was as prepared as he could get. Soon, if everything went right and Blair prayed it would, Jim would be a bonded sentinel and he would see just how wonderful it would be. Toward that end Blair had jump started the process by switching his Sencease pill this morning for an aspirin. Glancing at Jim he realized the man’s senses were coming online and becoming more painful, the headache and his eye problems a symptom of the emerging sentinel so he kept up a soft litany of words, hoping Jim would respond to the guide’s voice. And it did seem to soothe Jim’s nerves as they continued on heading for the cabin each keeping their inner thoughts to themselves.

Finally, after hours of driving they reached the small cabin. Jim jumped out to stretch his legs and look around still rubbing at eyes that were for some reason overly sensitive even in the waning sunlight. It was a beautiful place, with dense green trees that showed a colorful hint of the change to cooler climate.

Two miles down hill there was a lake, or so Blair stated, and Jim nodded, for one moment actually thinking he could hear the lapping water before common sense told him he couldn’t as he pulled fishing gear from the truck and inspected the place where they were staying. It was old and small and had seen more than its share of harsh winters but would keep them out of the elements. More importantly, it had a hot water heater, a working bathroom thanks to a cesspool and a small generator so there would be running warm water.

Inside the cabin, a large wood burning stove and small sink practically filled the tiny kitchen and in the corner of the living room near the door was a table with two chairs. A large bed with a heavy metal frame graced the corner by the bathroom and Jim glanced at it and then at his partner questioningly. “You can have the bed, Jim,” Blair answered the unspoken question.

“That’s not fair to you, Chief.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“How about we take turns,” Jim suggested thinking maybe, before the vacation was over they might share the bed as Blair carried over a small cooler and put it down on the table.

“I know it’s not much,” Blair began, “but it is better than a tent.”

“It’s fine, Chief.” Jim turned and put his bag down as Blair opened a small propane stove and began heating food.

“Hungry?” he asked and Jim nodded as he went to get the hot water heater started.

Blair had brought a large dinner and the two men ate in silence but it wasn’t the strained silence of the last few days and the two finished up by cleaning the dishes together and joking about the amenities at this particular cabin. Afterwards, Blair put some water on to heat and glanced at Jim. “Want some hot chocolate?” he asked. Jim smiled in response and Blair made two cups, generously filling them with marshmallows. And to Jim’s cup he added something else – two sleeping pills. Handing the cup over, he watched as the detective sniffed the chocolate, enjoying the smell, before sipping the drink. Ten minutes later Jim’s cup was empty and he was shaking his head to try and clear it. Rubbing a hand across his face he leaned back feeling dizzy. “You okay, Jim?” Blair asked softly and Jim nodded.

“My headache seemed to get better when we got here but now I feel a little dizzy,” Jim answered his voice slightly slurred as he again shook his head to clear it.

“First a headache and now dizzy. Why don’t you go lie down,” Blair indicated the bed and Jim nodded, rising slowly.

“I think I will,” he agreed and stumbled to the bed where he dropped face first onto the blankets Blair had set out earlier.

Blair waited another thirty minutes and then went over to Jim shaking him to try and rouse him. When the detective didn’t respond Blair went to the truck where he grabbed a bag he had left on the floor of the backseat and began rummaging through it pulling out a thick leather collar with rings attached, several heavy duty padlocks and two large, thick link chains. Next he pulled out some of Jim’s flannel shirts, sweat pants and socks. Coming back into the cabin he pushed the bed with Jim on it away from the wall enough so he could squeeze between the wall and bed and reach the floor near the corner. Sunk into the floor and cemented in was a thick ring and he used a padlock to lock the chain to the ring before looping the chain several times around the bed frame and locking the bed frame to the hook. Next, Blair locked the second chain to the hook using another padlock before draping it on the bed and turning to survey Jim. Pushing the bed back, Blair quickly undressed the sentinel, removing all his clothes, his hands trembling with excitement as his guide sense began to feel the awakening of the sentinel within Jim. Blair had been around many sentinels but he had never had a reaction quite as strong as the one he had to Jim and it was starting to surface as the Sencease left his system. Gently, Blair ran his hands down the unconscious man’s torso and over his genitals before snapping back to work. Grabbing Jim’s sweat pants, socks and flannel shirt, Blair struggled but successfully dressed the drugged man before slipping the thick collar around his neck and locking it to the chain with the final padlock.

Finishing, he turned his attention to the small bathroom, unhooking the door hinges and removing the door before pulling the medicine cabinet out of the wall thus getting rid of the mirror and potential glass. Taking another look around he made sure to leave some soap, towels and a toothbrush before moving back into the cabin room and gathering all of Jim’s things. Blair knew the exact length of the chain and had disappeared for two nights in a row to sink the ring into the floor and measure everything. Jim would have access to the bathroom but not much else. Moving Jim’s things to the other side of the room, Blair put down three paperback books within reach of the bed before hanging several crystal sun catchers near the windows. Those he could use to gauge his sentinel’s zones. Going to the kitchen area he prepared some sandwiches and wrapped them putting them in the cooler. For the next two days, sentinel and guide would live on sandwiches and water. Blair couldn’t afford to give Jim a knife or fork or anything else with a sharp edge. Jim, with his covert background was dangerous with anything sharp. Satisfied that he had done all he could he took a seat on the other side of the room, out of reach of the sentinel who would kick his ass if he were in reach and waited for Jim to wake.

It would be morning before Jim woke, morning of day two of Sencease withdrawal. Moaning softly at the sudden brightness when his eyes opened, Jim sat up and stopped in confusion, his brow creasing, his jaw muscles twitching as he looked at the chain. Reaching up he let his fingers run across the thick padded collar from which the chain hung and turned to Blair. “What the hell is going on, Chief?” he demanded rising and trying to walk away from the bed only to discover his limits as the chain pulled taut stopping him and almost making him fall. Turning back his eyes followed the chain and he pushed at the bed uncovering the large ring cemented into the floor and attached to it, the other end of the chain. “What the hell is going on?” he repeated growling angrily.

Blair knew he was about to face an angry eruption by Mount Ellison and mentally prepared himself. He took a deep breath, centering himself, before answering. “Well Jim, I couldn’t think of another way to keep you away from Sencease long enough to get your senses online.”

“Why would you want my senses online?” Jim was practically shouting now and Blair slipped further back in his chair by the table even though he knew Jim couldn’t reach him.

“Because I’m a guide and you are a sentinel.”

“And what the hell does that have to do with anything?” Jim snarled pulling at the collar but it was thick and padlocked around his neck.

“We are going to bond tomorrow,” Blair answered calmly. “I substituted your Sencease for an aspirin yesterday before we left, so today is day two without Sencease. By some time tomorrow you will be ready for bonding.”

“Sandburg…Blair, I don’t want to bond. I think I’ve made that perfectly clear. So release me.”

“You have made it clear,” Blair agreed calmly though his voice shook a little. “Very clear but let me make this equally clear. Tomorrow we are going to bond.” Jim sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at his partner in shock taking a minute to try and understand what he was talking about.

“And I don’t get a say in who I bond with?” Jim asked softly.

For a moment Blair stiffened at the implications that Jim would want another guide, jealousy rearing its ugly head but remembering they were compatible, how right it had felt, he sighed and shook his head. “You’re like a virgin getting ready to experience sex for the first time. You’re scared about it, you don’t know what it will be like, but once you try it, it ends up being wonderful,” he reasoned. “Being a sentinel, man that will be phenomenal.”

“Sandburg….” Jim paused thoughtfully trying to think of how to approach the guide. “Chief,” he continued at last his voice lower and more reasonable as he tried to get through to the young man. “I understand you want to be a guide and you want a sentinel but I don’t want to be a sentinel and shouldn’t I have a right to choose?”

Blair sighed again and looked away, unable to meet Jim’s eyes. “You almost died last week,” he began softly but Jim could hear a note of hysteria creep into his voice. “If your senses had been online you would have noticed those men fighting. I almost lost you.” The last words were choked out, tears in Blair’s eyes. “I won’t lose you because you’re too stubborn to see that being a sentinel is an incredible gift.” He stood and paced around the kitchen, hands flying out as he stared at Jim tethered to the bed. “Don’t you realize what a gift your senses will be? You’ll be a walking crime lab, a monster. No one will be able to stop you. And I’ll be at your side; I’ll protect you while you protect the tribe.”

Jim shook his head in response. “I don’t want to be a crime lab, I want to be normal, can’t you accept that?”

“No.”

Jim watched as Blair made a visible effort at calming himself before he resumed his seat, pulling a book into his lap and putting his glasses on the end of his nose. But he wouldn’t look at Jim as he continued. “Last week I came and cemented that ring into the floor and measured the chain. You can reach the toilet and the shower and I’ll supply you with water and sandwiches. In another day we’ll bond and then I’ll release you,” he finished his voice flat as he clamped down on his emotions.

“Blair please,” Jim begged softly. “Stop this. I don’t want it.”

Blair continued to look down, not meeting Jim’s eyes, a single tear sliding down his cheek, his stomach knotting, knowing this was upsetting Jim, that he was upsetting his sentinel. “You will want this, Jim. I promise, you will love being a sentinel,” he whispered before putting on headphones to drown out Jim’s words.

Realizing he couldn’t get Blair to change his mind Jim had examined every inch of space he could reach looking for a means of escape, but Blair had been thorough, there was nothing he could use to pick the locks, break the bed frame or cut the leather collar. Turning back to the weakest link, Blair himself, he had tried to reason with the guide but Blair was obsessed and wouldn’t listen. He would shake his head and promise Jim over and over that he would love being a sentinel. For the rest of the day and through the night (when he wasn’t spiking or zoning as his senses became more and more acute) Jim alternately cursed, threatened, and begged Blair to stop the insane plan and let him go as he became more and more desperate but his threats and pleas fell on deaf ears.

At that same time realizing that Blair was not going to let him go, Jim tried to work the dials that the doctor had showed him but having never practiced them, with this emotional disaster looming over his head and breaking his concentration, he couldn’t seem to get them to work. If he could keep the zones and spikes at bay he could grab Blair when he came close to bond and stop this madness but every few hours he realized he had lost time and had, despite his attempts to hold onto the dials, zoned. In addition, his body was becoming too sensitive to the environment around him; things were becoming increasingly painful.

As for Blair, at first he tried to use headphones to block out Jim’s requests but over time as the pain the sentinel was experiencing became more acute, Blair dropped the headphones thinking he should at least endure Jim’s pain with him. As a guide, he had an inborn need to comfort a sentinel and every time Jim pleaded, zoned or spiked Blair wanted to go to him but he knew better. He needed to steel himself if he wanted to reach his objective. So Blair watched in absolute misery as Jim became more hostile, swearing he would not have a guide and promising to hurt Blair if he even came near and Jim swore he would throw Blair out of the loft and his life as soon as they got back to Cascade.

Blair ignored the threats. They hurt but he knew they were brought on by anger and fear and the guide knew a bonded sentinel would never harm his guide. The relationship they would share would be intense and loving, the two becoming one and he couldn’t wait for this torture to end so they could bond and be friends again. He hated watching Jim zone and spike but he knew he couldn’t go near to help. If he was within reach of Jim the detective, far more capable physically, would end the bonding. Instead, he tossed Jim sandwiches, which he didn’t eat, water which he drank sporadically and waited.

Finally, as the afternoon daylight filtered into the room on day three, Blair decided enough time had passed. Jim was in pain as his senses finally came fully online and spiked to the point of being debilitating. Watching the sentinel react to stimuli by tightly shutting his eyes, his hands covering his ears to muffle noises that were too loud, Blair decided he couldn’t wait any longer. Bonding would end this torture for the sentinel. Regretting what he was about to do but knowing it was necessary to incapacitate the sentinel before he could get close enough to bond, Blair turned away from Jim and with his back to the sentinel reached into his pocket pulling out a dog whistle. Lifting it to his lips he let out one quick blast knowing it would send his sentinel’s over stimulated senses into a deep zone. He didn’t hear anything but Jim gave a cry as the high pitched sound assaulted him and then he zoned, going still, his hands still covering his ears. Blair turned back, feeling horrible for having caused his sentinel additional pain, but he told himself the ends would justify the means as he grabbed the bag he had placed in the corner the night Jim had taken the sleeping pills. The bag held the key to the locks. It also held wrist and ankle restraints that he would need to secure Jim.

Walking over, Blair gently caressed the soft fine hair of his captive before unlocking the collar that had kept Jim tethered to the limited confines of the bed and bathroom, ignoring the sound of the heavy metal links hitting the floor as he slipped Jim’s shirt off and rested him back on the bed before pulling out padded wrist cuffs and handcuffing a wrist to the bed frame. Pulling a second set of cuffs from the bag, Blair locked down the other wrist and then slipped off the sweats the sentinel had been wearing. Finishing Blair smiled standing and looking at his sentinel’s magnificent body. He had loved and wanted Jim for so long. With a shuttering breath, already hard from just knowing his fantasies were about to be fulfilled and that he would be Jim’s guide, Blair gathered the ankle restraints he had brought and being as gentle as possible fastened the ankle restraints to the bed frame tying Jim’s legs open, his knees bent back exposing the sentinel.

Thinking it over as Blair examined the restrained sentinel, he decided to prepare Jim and enter him before pulling him from the zone. This way the sentinel whose sense of touch was spiking wouldn’t feel the initial pain of first time penetration and could enjoy the sensations that would follow.

Removing his clothes and sliding onto the bed, he rested his nude body on top of his sentinel’s, reveling in the feel of skin against skin before sliding a finger tenderly between Jim’s cheeks and into his body to start it lubricating. In minutes the internal stimulation caused the sentinel to excrete fluids preparing Jim’s body for penetration and Blair already hard at the idea of making love to Jim, teased and stretched the entrance with his fingers before he eased in pushing past the tight ring. Stilling, though panting at the effort to do just that Blair leaned down to kiss Jim’s slack mouth, his tongue sliding into the unresponsive mouth so that Jim would have Blair’s taste in his mouth. Pulling back, his breathing heavy as he tried to keep control, he considered how best to pull Jim from the zone. The sentinel had zoned on hearing so Blair quietly called Jim’s name for some minutes while stroking up and down his chest and rocking gently inside him to break the zone and then as the sentinel blinked coming aware, kissed him again quickly before leaning back to look down at the man beneath him with adoration in his eyes.

Jim woke to the feeling of being filled and tried to struggle as Blair rocked thrusting in and out slowly. “It’s all right,” he whispered hands cupping Jim’s face as the sentinel struggled, his head thrashing, his body arching trying to throw off the guide, hands jerking at the cuffs, his wrists turning red as skin was torn in his bid to get free. “We’re bonding,” Blair soothed as he continued his movements, his fingers closing around the sentinel’s wrists trying to stay the convulsive movements damaging the sentinel as Blair continued thrusting, hitting Jim’s prostrate.

“No, don’t do this,” Jim pleaded with something that sounded like a sob but he realized there was no stopping the guide, as Blair’s movements increased, each thrust and stroke sending sparks of pleasure through both men. Closing his eyes so he didn’t have to watch Blair’s face alight with pleasure, Jim wished he could shut off his ears not wanting to hear the whispered words of love, the murmurs of how wonderful and tight Jim’s body was, or the grunts and moans of satisfaction coming from the guide’s mouth as he gritted his teeth against the building orgasm that Blair’s thrusts and strokes were triggering. He could feel something within him building, something besides the pleasure that each stroke across his prostate brought, and realized the sentinel within him was cataloging and responding to the guide and the bond was building as they neared completion. Clamping his mouth shut, Jim refused to cry out as his own body betrayed him, his body already super sensitive to touch, tensing and then coming across his and Blair’s stomachs as he felt Blair thrust one more time before he came, crying out Jim’s name as he released his semen in Jim. And finally, as Blair’s seed entered Jim, he could feel Blair enter his mind, his own senses locking on to Blair’s heartbeat as his mind spun with the invasion, losing awareness of where and even who he was.

“Jim,” Blair, still buried in the dazed sentinel whispered, his hands moving to frame and hold Jim’s face guiding him, “lock your senses on me. You know about the dials. Set the dials at three and use my heartbeat to regulate them. Match the beats to the setting. Count the beats and when they hit three lock your dials there, so your senses calm. Lock your hearing, using my voice. It’s pitched normally,” Blair ordered and silently counted to three slowly watching the disoriented face between his hands, knowing that because Jim was still in shock from the physical and mental bonding the sentinel within him would instinctively rely on his partner, now guide, to help him. “Now, your sight,” he continued as Jim looked at him with a vague disoriented expression, again silently counting, “your touch,” he added rubbing his hands up and down Jim’s body, his hands running over Jim’s arms and down to his fingers, ignoring the fact that he loved the feel of those muscles beneath him, “your smell,” he leaned close so Jim’s nose rested against his neck for a moment, “and your taste,” he licked Jim’s lips, his tongue running across Jim’s teeth. Blair waited, watching Jim closely for a moment and then reaching down, dipped his fingers in Jim’s semen, scooping up as much as he could and tasting it, letting it slide across his tongue with pleasure, thinking this was the true essence of Jim. And this final act of sharing fluids with his sentinel stabilized and locked the bond in place for the guide. With a smile at having completed the bond Blair slowly eased out of the sentinel. Resting on top of Jim’s sweaty muscular chest he sighed contentedly realizing that this had been the most mind blowing orgasm he had ever experienced and wondering if Jim had found it as exceptional. He knew Jim had come, both needed to, it was a necessary part of the bonding for both guide and sentinel to share sexual fluids, so it was fulfilling but this had been far more than sex and Blair hoped it had been just as good for Jim. Pushing himself up, he looked over the still figure beneath him.

Jim would be out of it for a few more minutes, he knew that. He had been trained in the mechanics of bonding and knew the sentinel’s body was adjusting to the shifting of his senses and the chemical changes going on as was Blair’s own body if a bit less dramatically, his link with Jim solidifying. The exchange of fluids and the high degree of released endorphins as well as the psychic linking were locking the bonding down. It would take a few minutes but when Jim came out of it they would be linked in body and soul. It was awe inspiring to the guide and he tried to see if he could detect the changes taking place in Jim but the sentinel remained still, eyes wide, pupils dilated.

Looking over Jim’s body and seeing the hands cuffed and the feet tied, his own feelings of guilt lost in a sea of joy and pleasure at bonding, Blair rose and untied the legs easing them down before getting the keys and unlocking the wrists and first kissing, then gently caressing the red welts and scratched skin left from Jim’s struggles. As soon as Jim was aware Blair would put something on the irritated skin.

It took a few minutes for Jim to recover from the sexual encounter and bonding but as soon as he realized he was free he sprang away, his hands jerking free of Blair’s as he ran to the bathroom where he dropped to his knees his head over the bowl as his empty stomach heaved and he retched bile. Blair surprised by the sudden flight jumped up following, a hand reaching to rub Jim’s back as his sentinel’s feelings began to take shape in his mind. It was a new sensation, he had read about it of course, all bonded guides could sense their sentinel’s feelings but this was the first time he was experiencing it and it gave him a warm glow to know he could feel Jim in his head. But then the whirl of emotions began to coalesce and Blair suddenly wished he didn’t have the ability as he felt anger, disgust, and betrayal coming through the link that now existed between the two. Sliding his hand onto Jim’s back, he rubbed soothing circles up and down the tense skin trying to think of how he could explain that the link was not a betrayal, that Jim could reach his potential, that he could let his senses soar.

“Don’t touch me.” The voice hoarse from retching still conveyed disgust and cut into Blair’s thoughts like a knife as Jim jerked away from the contact. “Don’t ever touch me.”

“Jim,” Blair whispered his own emotions a confusing mixture of: love, desire, surprise, anger, and suddenly fear. “I’m your guide, I have to touch you.”

Light blue eyes looked up coldly at Blair and the guide swallowed. It was a look Jim had offered to criminals, men such as Lash and Kincaid. It was not a look Blair had ever seen directed at anyone but a criminal and he faltered his face going pale as he took a step back. “I know this was a surprise and, and it was not what you wanted but…” Blair stopped tears welling in his eyes. Swallowing he continued. “You’re whole Jim. The way you were meant to be. Please, I know this was a shock but…”

Jim turned away from the guide though he could not help but feel the unwelcome link between them and recognized that he now needed it. He could sense Blair’s presence and his senses were calibrated to the guide’s heartbeat, his sight and hearing no longer as painful, his sense of smell toning down to normal. Jim could only guess that touch and taste were also settling. At the same time he could still feel the remnants of Blair’s touch on his skin and inside him, the strokes having caused pleasure, making Jim desire the touch, and yet some part of him was rejecting it completely wanting to kill this man who had raped him. Not that he would ever knowingly be able to beat his guide; the sentinel within him would never allow it. All in all the different emotions were warring within him leaving him totally confused but very unhappy. Rising Jim shouldered his way past the guide heading for his bag of clothes in the corner, grabbing it and ignoring the bottle of Sencease that fell out and rolled away across the floor, away from him, as he turned back to the bathroom. He needed to get Blair’s scent off him and out of him, the latter thought causing another spike of anger. Blair was inside him now, in his head, in his senses, and in his ass. Turning he looked at Blair still standing in the bathroom, looking lost and a little frightened as he watched his sentinel’s rigid movements and posture. “Get out of the bathroom, I want a shower and you are not welcome.” The voice was cold, hateful even, and Blair nodded, stepping out of the way as Jim again shouldered passed him.

Moving near the bed and sliding down the wall, Blair collapsed to the floor with a quiet sob, wondering what to do to make this better. He realized he had not clearly thought out his actions, all his scheming had been directed at creating the bond, not dealing with the aftermath, but he hadn’t really thought there would be any fallout. All the books said that the sentinel found the bond wonderful, that he or she settled into it immediately, that it became a welcome part of the relationship. But that wasn’t what happened here and Blair wondered whether he had simply deluded himself to get what he wanted as a guide. Belatedly, he wondered who had written the books and from what viewpoint. Grasping at a last hope he speculated that maybe the bond took a little time to settle and he would have to deal with Jim’s animosity until the bond settled. Rising he walked over and picked up the bottle of Sencease, looking at it until a tear splashed down on the bottle and then Blair threw it against the wall, the plastic bottle dropping and rolling away

An hour later having scrubbed himself raw but still unable to get Blair’s scent off him (though Jim knew it had more to do with his sentinel abilities than actual smell) Jim emerged from the bathroom and looked over at the guide in disgust. Blair stood by the table watching him and Jim realized he could hear Blair’s heartbeat, going too fast. The speed of the beating worried the sentinel and he felt a desire to comfort the guide but he suppressed it ignoring the fact that the heartbeat soothed his senses - which made the sentinel even angrier.

“Jim?” Blair whispered tentatively. “I know this is a shock but I did it for you.”

“For me?” Jim’s face muscles clenched with suppressed anger, his voice flowing with disdain as he glared at the guide. “Lie to someone else Sandburg, maybe they’ll believe you but don’t lie to me.”

“What…what do you mean?”

“You did this because you wanted to be a guide. It didn’t matter what I wanted.” Blair paused as Jim voiced the very doubts that had been plaguing him for the last hour but he pushed those thoughts away to consider later.

“You’re a sentinel. Living on this,” Blair picked up the bottle of Sencease off the floor and smashed it down on the table with enough force to dent the wooden table and crack the bottle the pills spilling out on the wooden surface, “This isn’t life.”

“I was happy with it. Instead I’m saddled with you,” Jim spat the words out with contempt, “for the rest of my life.”

Internally Blair cringed at the harsh words from the man he had fallen in love with, but looked his sentinel in the eye trying to muster up all the conviction he could even as doubts suddenly assailed him. “I swear you will love being a sentinel, letting your senses relax. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t know that.”

“It’s all about what you would have done, what you wanted.” Jim’s voice finally cracked as he strained to keep control of his own emotions. Blair had been his best friend and this was the single greatest act of betrayal that he had ever faced. “Never mind what I might have wanted.” He turned away, desperate to get out of the confines of the cabin where his every sense was locked on Blair. Looking around he found his keys on a counter and stuffing them in his pocket turned toward the door, his back to Blair knowing that as much as he wanted to he couldn’t leave Blair behind and function. The sentinel in him did not have enough control. “I’m leaving in five minutes. If you’re not in the truck, I’ll leave without you.” Jim grabbed whatever he saw of his stuff and began filling his bag.

“Leave? What, we have three more days.”

“You think I want to vacation with my,” there was a fractional pause as the sentinel took a breath before finishing bitterly, “rapist.” Jim turned then and looked at the white faced young man seeing the effect of his words as Blair’s eyes again filled with tears. Something in him was pleased at the effect, knowing he had hurt Blair. Something else in him felt like it was dying.

Blair paused, obviously distressed by the comment. He closed his eyes momentarily trying to center himself, reminding himself that Jim had been through a shock and needed time to adjust and then shook his head trying to bring reason into the emotionally charged atmosphere. “Your senses, Jim, you need some time to get them regulated. There’s less stimuli so you are less likely to spike here than Cascade.”

Instead of answering Jim turned back to the door. “You have five minutes.” He grabbed his bag and walked out.

Blair looked around the room with unseeing eyes not sure what he should do. If this was the way the bond settled, if this was the way Jim would feel for the rest of his days than Blair had become exactly what Jim accused him of being; a rapist. There would be no way to fix this. Blair groped blindly for whatever was in reach stuffing some clothes and books in the bag his mind whirling with questions as his stomach convulsed.

He didn’t know if he had left anything behind as he stepped outside and watched Jim stiffen at his mere presence but he didn’t care. He needed to make this bonding thing work and his main concern was Jim. He could feel his sentinel’s emotional state through the bond and as a guide he had an inborn desire to alleviate the sentinel’s distress, to nurture and heal his sentinel. A part of him was horrified at the fact that he was the cause of his sentinel’s emotional pain radiating through the bond and the mere thought that he had hurt his sentinel caused him almost physical pain. Keeping his distance to give Jim some space he watched as the sentinel moved to get in the truck and then called out. “I’ll drive, your senses are still settling.”

“If you’re afraid of dying in a car accident stay here,” Jim snarled in answer but Blair shook his head.

“What if you kill someone else because your senses spike or zone?” he whispered knowing Jim would hear.

Jim turned back to the guide and Blair saw the absolute misery in his face as he flung the keys at Blair. “Fine, you drive.” He stalked around to the passenger seat as Blair moved mechanically to put his backpack in the truck before getting in.

He waited, watching as Jim took his seat and then turned to him but Jim held up an accusatory finger. “One word out of you and I’ll jump out of this truck. Don’t speak, don’t tell me about the bond, don’t say anything.” He turned away to stare out the side window, not even willing to look at the guide as Blair nodded his understanding, fingers white on the steering wheel and tears swimming in his eyes as he turned the ignition key.

***

The ride back to Cascade was silent. Jim could hear Blair’s labored breathing as the guide fought to control his own emotions and could already recognize the slight elevation in his heartbeat. Again, the sentinel in him wanted to comfort his guide but Jim, the man, would have none of it. Instead, he set his jaw and opened the window so Blair’s scent wouldn’t be as concentrated and watched the passing scenery in silence. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do now that he was an online sentinel. He couldn’t handle the idea of being a cop in the police department, knowing how other cops would address him: the sneers, the rude comments. He’d seen how the other sentinel was regarded, and guessed that he'd be looked at the same way. He would end up killing one of his fellow officers but what else could he do and more importantly could he do anything without Sandburg at his side. Fists balling at the last thought, he heard Blair’s sharp intake of breath and realized the guide was feeling his emotions, the intense spikes of anger. Deciding that was not a bad thing, Jim did not even attempt to rein in his anger as he tried to figure some course for himself. If he couldn’t be a cop what could he do and who would hire an online sentinel without his guide counterpart?

His senses were online though all the dials were currently set at three, just slightly better than average, the guide’s heartbeat helping to keep them steady there but Jim supposed with a little practice he could raise or lower them so that was a selling point. However, he didn’t know how well he could contain them for long periods of time without Blair and most employers wouldn’t hire a sentinel without his guide for fear of spikes and zones. Still, there had to be some jobs out there where a sentinel could work solo. He would need to do some investigating to find out.

Lost in thought, Jim didn’t watch the road and was surprised when he realized it was evening and they were parked on Prospect, probably because he had at some point zoned, he decided as Blair turned off the engine. Not even thinking about his actions, Jim snatched the keys as soon as the truck was turned off and grabbing his gear from the back headed into the building without a word to Blair. Upstairs, he uncharacteristically threw his things on the floor and turned towards the bedroom stairs deciding he could afford to miss another meal as Blair slipped in the door. Turning back in the dim light from the streetlights outside as Blair moved to turn on some lights in the loft he glared at the ashen faced guide and indicated the loft bedroom. “I’m going up to bed. You are not welcome up here. I know some sentinels have sexual relations with their guides but I don’t have relationships with rapists. You are not welcome upstairs at all. If you come up to talk to me about anything I will throw you down the stairs.” It was an empty threat, Jim knew it. As a sentinel he doubted he could bring himself to physically harm his guide but the sentiment was real and Sandburg would realize it through the link. So with that threat he turned and stalked up the stairs as Blair slowly bent to pick up the gear on the floor with shaking hands.

Stepping into the bedroom, ignoring Blair’s soft sob at the emotions that triggered the threat, Jim tossed on some old sweats and threw himself down on his bed in the gathering darkness. Usually, he slept in boxers or nude if the weather was warmer but he felt exposed and vulnerable and needed the protection of clothing after what had happened. Not even thinking about it, he listened to Blair moving downstairs, putting away the gear before heading to his own room. He could hear the guide as he sat down on his bed and then heard chocked sobs as Blair buried his head in a pillow crying. Sighing at his own mixed feelings, Jim turned over and looked at the clock. It was only 9:30 and though he was exhausted physically and mentally his emotional state wouldn’t let him sleep. He tried to think what he should do but he couldn’t think straight. In the past when things upset him he would turn to his best friend Blair for advice or comfort now he refused to talk to Blair. Finally, after an hour of tossing, knowing he needed to talk to someone or go crazy he picked up the phone and dialed Simon.

“Hello,” Simon answered the phone on the second ring and heard a long pause as someone hesitated. “Hello,” he repeated again a little more gruffly.

“Simon.”

“Jim, what’s wrong. Are you and Sandburg in trouble?” the Captain’s voice had changed from curious to concerned in one second flat. “Where are you? Do you need me to send help?”

Jim looked around his bedroom thinking over the question. Was he in trouble? Yeah, he was; big trouble. He was a sentinel and for all the power his enhanced senses provided it balanced that gift with vulnerabilities and dependencies. Just looking around this room he noted that his sheets were too rough against his skin, the light filtering in from outside was too bright, the smell was too stale and the night’s sounds were too loud. He couldn’t even sleep comfortably in his room without some support from his guide. Yeah, he was in trouble, he was a sentinel with all the baggage it entailed.

“The loft and no I don’t need you to send help,” Jim hesitated, not answering the first question, knowing what he needed more than anything else was help but not the kind Simon was offering. “Simon, can you meet me at the coffee shop down the street. It’s open until 12:00.” He heard the Captain hesitate and guessed Simon had probably just gotten into bed after a long day at work but something in the tone of the request must have clued the Captain in and he agreed. Jim immediately donned sneakers before silently moving down the stairs to grab his jacket and keys. He let his senses drift over to Blair’s room and noted that the younger man was tossing in a troubled sleep. Jim’s dials were set to three, had been since the bonding and he figured he could hold them there for a short while without Blair’s heartbeat and he was close enough that should they really begin to slip he could get back fast and so he walked out of the loft. Sounds, smells and sights assaulted him as he moved away from his guide but he ignored them as he made his way to the coffee shop down the street.

Jim was sitting nursing a cup of coffee squinting a little in the fluorescent lighting as his senses made small spikes before sliding back to normal when Simon walked in and took a seat across from his lead detective signaling for coffee as the waitress came over. Looking back at Jim he noted the dark circles and considering the man was supposed to be on vacation he decided something had gone very wrong. The fact that Jim hadn’t even looked him in the eye gave him a very bad feeling.

“Where’s Sandburg?” he asked thinking something had happened on the camping trip.

“The loft,” Jim answered locking both hands on his cup to keep them from shaking. “Simon,” he paused giving a sigh of resignation before continuing, “I have to resign.”

“What? Jim’s what’s going on?”

Jim finally looked up at his Captain and Simon could see a world of hurt in the light blue eyes as he shook his head and looked down again. “I’m a sentinel,” he said softly and then as if a dam had ruptured, the entire rest of the story came out in a burst of emotional dialogue that left Jim wiping moist eyes as he forced back tears of frustration and pain.

Simon, realizing Jim was still in shock tried to keep his own emotions at bay though his own eyes were glassy as he sat silently through the outburst, saying nothing, his gaze darker and darker as he listened to the heartache and pain of his friend. Finally, as Jim finished the Captain sighed knowing there was no way he could fix this. Only Blair and Jim could do it. “I could arrest him,” Simon said softly raising a hand as Jim prepared to protest. “I know, it wouldn’t help you having your guide in prison and bonding is a life commitment. Still what he did...” Simon stopped shaking his head in anger though he knew better than to say something aloud or threaten Sandburg, knowing if you valued your health you did not threaten a sentinel’s guide. Protecting the guide was a sentinel imperative. “Still you don’t have to resign,” he said at last. “You and Sandburg are both detectives on my budget.”

“Would you stay? Would you work with him?” Jim asked looking at his friend for advice and Simon met the gaze thoughtfully.

As a Captain and cop Simon wanted to say yes. Jim would probably be the single greatest detective Cascade would ever see with his senses online as a sentinel and the brilliant if slightly unorthodox Blair Sandburg at his side. His closure rate was already the highest in the state and he took on more than his share of hard cases but Simon was more than just his boss and finally he admitted honestly, “Maybe, I don’t know.” He leaned forward a large dark hand closing over his detective’s with concern. “But what else would you do?”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to think of something.” Jim pulled his hand free not wanting physical contact with anyone at the moment even if the contact was meant to comfort and Simon, understanding this, patted Jim’s hand before putting his own around his coffee cup, his expression carefully neutral as he again considered what he would like to do to Sandburg. This was truly a mess. Jim would be forced to live and work with his rapist for the rest of his days and, if Simon’s understanding of the sentinel guide bond was correct, he would be emotionally tied to the guide and need Blair to keep his senses in line. And the bonding would remain in place until one of them died and should something happen to the guide, as an online sentinel Jim would have to find another guide or as was more often the case follow his guide into death; he could never go back to being a normal man, his hyper senses would prevent it. Considering this, Simon knew there was even more of a quagmire here. Jim and Blair had loved each other before this mess, neither man seemed to realize it or if either did they hadn’t admitted it but all of Major Crimes recognized the love that had grown between them and wondered when they would move from partners at work to partners at home. So, this bonding was betrayal on so many levels but Simon suspected it also was an act of desperation by someone deeply in love making this even more of a tragedy.

“Listen Jim, you are entitled to two weeks bonding leave and I’m going to put that in tomorrow. And then I don’t even know how much vacation time you’ve accrued but I’ll put that in as well before putting in the resignation. It will buy you some time to consider your options. You might even consider the PD.” He held up a hand as his detective prepared to protest. “No one outside of Major Crimes needs to know you’re a sentinel.”

Jim smiled sadly at Simon’s efforts knowing news like that couldn’t be hidden for long but he nodded his agreement. “So, I’ll bring all the papers for you and Sandburg to sign tomorrow.”

“Thanks Simon and thanks for coming to talk to me.” The sentinel rose and threw some money down on the table before turning to the door.

“Jim,” Simon asked from beside him as they walked outside and he watched Jim’s eyes scanning the area. To Simon everything seemed like dark shapes surrounding pools of light from the city street lights but to a sentinel everything had to be fairly clear. “What’s it like?”

Jim thought about it for a moment before answering with a shrug, “Painful,” and walking back to the loft.

***

Simon Banks, Captain of the Major Crimes Division, had trouble sleeping after his meeting with his lead detective. In his mind he kept seeing Jim’s grim face, set jaw and watery eyes filled with unshed tears and he tossed and turned trying to think of a solution. Finally, when sleep failed him he showered and went into the office, rummaging through his desk until he found a small business card. Glancing at the time and deciding 7:30 was late enough he dialed Dr. Edward Corey. Dr. Corey’s service picked up and Banks left a message asking that Dr. Corey call him at his private office number. Thirty minutes later, Dr. Corey, psychiatric consultant to the Cascade PD returned his call and Simon arranged a breakfast meeting at a nearby diner.

Simon was sitting in a back booth drinking coffee when Dr. Corey came into the diner at 8:30. Waving the man over, Simon held out his hand; the two shook hands and sat down, ordering their breakfasts. Having placed the order Simon had no idea what to say to the man sitting across from him and sighed, looking down into his cup.

“I was surprised when you called, Simon,” Dr. Corey realized he would have to break the ice. “I wasn’t aware of any consulting the PD needs.”

Simon grimaced. “It’s a sensitive matter.” Dr. Corey gestured for the Captain to continue and Simon nodded. “Can you tell me about Sentinels and Guides and bonding?”

“Sentinels, Guides and bonding?” the psychiatrist repeated, frowning. “Not a question I was expecting.” Corey leaned back and watched the Captain. “Sentinels and guides bond. When they do the guide links mentally with the sentinel and can sense his or her emotions and can therefore calm a sentinel and control spikes and zones. The guide doesn’t take control of the sentinel despite the way it is represented in the media, but he does influence the sentinel and help the sentinel adjust to both internal and external input. The guide buffers the senses of an online sentinel and an online sentinel certainly needs the support because his or her senses are extremely acute and can be horribly painful. In turn, the sentinel can use all his senses to the fullest. A sentinel is an amazingly powerful person - unfortunately, that very power makes him or her susceptible to a lot of painful input. The guide guards against that and has an innate desire to protect the sentinel. It is an incredibly deep commitment of love and devotion flowing with synergy that truly makes the whole greater than the sum of the parts.”

“And the bonding?” Simon asked.

“Bonding is for life. Chemical changes occur in both the sentinel and guide once the bonding takes place and until one dies they are a pair. That’s why bonding is such an important step. Many sentinels are slow about bonding because they know this and don’t take the step lightly.”

“And Guides?”

“Actually,” Dr. Corey answered. “It is a much bigger problem for guides. Unlike sentinels they instinctively want to bond and there is no equivalent to Sencease for guides. Bonding is genetically hard wired into their brains and with Sencease around they are extremely frustrated. Quite often you hear about an unbonded sentinel getting a restraining order against a guide until he is ready to bond. That’s because guides feel a need to bond and will chase sentinels not on Sencease. Ultimately, they want nothing more than to care for and protect sentinels and their empathic abilities are always focused on sentinels. Make no mistake, a guide’s first priority is his sentinel and he will do whatever he must to protect the sentinel.”

“What about forced bonding?” Simon asked looking into his coffee cup. Dr. Corey looked over Simon’s face, his brow creasing for a minute thoughtfully and then shook his head.

“A forced bond is usually a nightmare. The guide rapes the sentinel and still they physically and emotionally connect. Worse than that, once bonded the sentinel needs the guide to deal with environmental stimuli despite what has happened between them. So the sentinel has to rely on his rapist for support. You can imagine what that must be like for a sentinel. It will complicate and sour everything the pair does unless the pair can get past the initial assault and come to some terms.”

“Can’t they just stop relying on one another once the sentinel gains control?”

The doctor shook his head. “When a guide bonds with a male sentinel and that is where 99% of the forced bonding cases occur, rare though the cases are, the guide penetrates the sentinel anally and ejaculates within him while sexually stimulating the sentinel so he too has an orgasm. The sentinel has special lubrication glands for that particular purpose and penetration is easier on sentinels than non sentinel men because sentinels have additional cellular wall protection that not only makes penetration easier but also protects against infection. I’m not talking about STDs, those can still be transmitted though that is uncommon among sentinels and guides but sex will not result in infections etc.” Dr. Corey paused to take a sip of coffee. “Once the guide’s semen is introduced into the sentinel during bonding some chemical changes occur and the sentinel continues to need contact, not necessarily sexual but mental, physical and emotional contact nonetheless with his guide. So, in a forced bond, despite the fact that the guide raped him he needs his partner and sentinels and guides live in a monogamous relationship. The only sexual relief the sentinel can get is from his rapist. Psychiatrists theorize that the monogamous relation stems from an instinctive and unconscious deep seated belief that having sex with another is partner betrayal but I don’t believe that. I believe it has more to do with the actual bond, even if we can’t see it and measure it. In a primitive tribal culture, the sentinel and guide would patrol the borders and they would need to support each other. Because they would be together, they would partner to alleviate sexual needs and somehow I think the bond makes sure that can happen.”

“I see,” Simon pushed his plate away his food mostly untouched. “Hypothetically, how would we support a sentinel who was forced into a bond?”

“Hypothetically,” Dr. Corey answered quietly watching Simon and guessing who he was asking about. The doctor was more than aware that Jim Ellison of Major Crimes was a sentinel taking Sencease and Blair Sandburg his partner a guide deeply and desperately in love with said sentinel. He couldn’t condone it but he could understand why Blair might force a bond. Dr. Corey only wished that Blair had come to him. He could have counseled the young man into giving up such a rash idea. “Let’s say one of your detectives, Jim Ellison for example, were a sentinel and was forced into a bond say by Blair Sandburg, the results could easily destroy the friendship.” He paused looking at Simon. “There is one hope. If Ellison could see why Sandburg did it, the instinctive need of the guide and the desperate love that caused it, he might be able to get past the initial act and build the relationship into one that is shared.”

“Then he might come back to work,” Simon answered realizing that Dr. Corey knew who he was talking about.

“That might be a little harder. Do you know why there are so few sentinels in the PD and almost no males? The boys in blue can’t seem to get past the fact that sentinels can be sexually satisfied by anal penetration and they see the sentinel as being controlled by the guide. It is an erroneous but common view of the sentinel guide relationship because most people see the guide supporting the sentinel’s senses. They see the guide leading but that is not actually the case. It is a much more evenly balanced relationship since emotionally the guide needs the sentinel for stability. But unfortunately, especially in the PD, it is the perception. Even the military is more enlightened. In the armed forces if anyone says something about a sentinel’s sexual relationship, they can be called up for disciplinary action, even dishonorably discharged because the military values sentinels and their guides. However, someone like Jim Ellison might weather the situation better than most. He is so obviously a dominant male personality with his military covert background that he could possibly change the opinions of many of his fellow officers. It could mean a step forward for the PD if he didn’t resign.” Dr. Corey paused and then proceeded cautiously. “If it were a pair such as Ellison and Sandburg you might suggest that the pair speak with me. I could counsel them off the record and help them come to terms with the trauma. Maybe even help them understand why it happened and how they could move beyond it. Oddly enough the very problem could be their salvation. Because they are bonded the guide will know what the sentinel is feeling and move to support him and the sentinel can figure out the guide’s feelings by just listening to his senses.” Simon smiled his thanks, thinking about the resignation forms Jim was about to give in.

***

Blair was up early the next morning, his mind on his sentinel. Jim hadn’t eaten anything substantial in days and what little he had been able to eat had come back up right after the bonding and so the guide have every intention of seeing to it that his sentinel ate a full breakfast. After showering and shaving he logged on to his computer to find if there were any references to timeframes in adjusting to a bond. Slowly, reluctantly, so reluctant that he misspelled the words three times fingers shaking badly before finally typing them correctly, he did a search for “forced sentinel bonding” and glanced at the titles that came up. Some were scientific from medical journals and psychological journals and he would definitely look into them, some made his stomach retch so that he swallowed back bile with their pornographic titles, but obviously there was some literature to consider. Unwilling to read any of the articles yet, afraid of what he might find, he closed the computer and moved into the kitchen.

Blair knew the next two weeks would be an emotional roller coaster. Bonding leave was very important for both sentinels and guides because just as sentinels needed time to adjust to the bond so did the guides. Where sentinels needed time to physically adjust to changes, guides needed time to emotionally adjust because they had to deal with not only their own emotions but a second set of emotions, namely their sentinels’. Most guides became overly emotional dealing with the empathic link during the first two weeks of bonding until the bond itself settled, tears were not uncommon, but usually they were tears of joy as they experienced their sentinels’ feelings of protection and care.

However, Blair knew the emotional issues would be far worse in his case. Dealing with the strong emotions was problematic enough when they were positive but he would have to deal with something regular guides didn’t. In general guides didn’t deal with the additional burden of negative emotions such as outrage, anger and betrayal.

Sighing, knowing the next two weeks would be a mess, he moved on to more important things. He needed to get his sentinel fed. Opening the door, Blair looked over what was in the fridge thoughtfully, realizing he would need to buy some very different foods since Jim’s taste buds were online, before deciding to make omelets, toast and despite the fact that he didn’t approve of too much fat, bacon. Putting on the coffee, he was still considering adding pancakes to the meal when the sentinel came down the stairs, ignoring him and his morning greeting and heading for the bathroom. Despite the snub, Blair kept up a smile as he put the food in the oven to warm and moved to set the table. Some time during the night, after a few fitful hours of sleeping that left him tired he woke and brainstormed ideas of what to do. He knew if the bond didn’t settle better his friendship with Jim would need rebuilding from scratch (if that was even possible but he threw that thought aside) and considered how to start. He would need to show Jim he would be there for him in whatever capacity he needed and be patient with the man as he came to terms with the bonding and his sentinel abilities. Step one in this plan, get the sentinel fed and on an even keel.

So he looked up and smiled when Jim walked out of the bathroom and indicated the table as he pulled the food from the oven putting it down beside a cup of coffee and taking a seat. Jim looked at the table, the food, and Blair his face expressionless though Blair could feel the anger and hurt through the bond and then Jim ignored the cup of coffee already poured for him and walked around Blair to grab the coffee pot and pour some coffee. He had no intention of sitting down at a table with Sandburg.

“Jim, you have to eat,” Blair whispered, unsure what to do if Jim refused.

“I won’t eat at the same table with you,” Jim spat out and Blair swallowed before nodding his understanding. Rising he grabbed his own plate and moved to the counter.

“Fine, I’ll eat here.” Blair placed his plate on the counter beside the sink and turned his back to Jim but kept a close ear to his movements hearing the scrape of a chair as the sentinel sat to eat. Afraid to speak, to say anything that might make his sentinel leave his food, Blair glanced around with an inward sigh of relief that Jim was finally eating. He looked at the kitchen as he slowly forced food into his own rebellious stomach and considered the room. Just as the food needed to be adjusted to meet the sentinel’s needs so would the cleansing products. He needed sentinel safe cleaners and toiletries. He began a mental list as he ate; his back to Jim. He would have to get some shopping done today but that would mean coaxing Jim to come with him or leaving Jim alone and he wasn’t sure he could. Not because he was afraid of Jim zoning or spiking in the short time he would be away but because the bond was so new he was terrified of the idea of not being near Jim. As much as a sentinel needed a guide, a guide needed his sentinel. Maybe, he decided he could call and have the food and household supplies delivered. He was considering this option as he thought about his wallet and what was in it, silently tabulating costs when Jim rose and walked to the balcony door, opening it. Cool early fall air filtered into the room as Jim stepped out and Blair turned to look out on the balcony with an ache in his heart.

Blair watched Jim for a few minutes, trying to not look as if he was watching the sentinel even as he continued the surveillance. After several minutes he frowned when he realized Jim wasn’t moving and walked out on to the balcony staring up into Jim’s vacant expression. The sentinel had zoned. For one moment Blair studied the face looking at the cool blue eyes and the strong set jaw. He had dreamed about Jim for ages, about the love they would share when bonded and bright future as partners. Sighing in regret for all they should have had Blair gently stroked the sentinel’s arm calling his name until Jim blinked and looked down pulling away immediately.

“Don’t touch me,” Jim snarled and Blair pulled back palms up.

“Hey, you were zoning,” he stated softly.

“I don’t care; I don’t want you touching me.”

“Jim, I’m your guide, I have to touch you to bring you out of zones, to help with spikes. When we go back to work at the PD you’re going to need me to help with your senses. This is where we learn to control them together,” Blair said trying to suppress the pain he was feeling at Jim’s words and waited for a response but Jim said nothing and after a moment Blair turned his attention from the sentinel to the bay. “What did you zone on?” he asked. “I have to know so I can help you avoid zoning in the future.”

“You’ve helped me enough,” Jim growled before turning and entering the room leaving Blair standing on the balcony looking out at the water.

“Patience,” Blair told himself glancing out and trying to figure what exactly his sentinel had zoned on. “Give him time and some room.” He was still watching the bay when he heard Simon’s voice. Walking into the living room he looked at his boss and smiled as Simon, glaring at Blair with barely controlled anger, pulled out some papers.

“Here are the resignation forms.” He handed over the paperwork as Blair gasped, watching the men.

“What?” he looked from Simon’s angry face to Jim’s stoically set one. “Jim, you can’t do this.” Neither man answered as Simon pulled out some other papers.

“Here’s the paperwork for bonding leave. Both you and Sandburg have to sign it and a sentinel/guide doctor has to approve it but it is just a formality.” Jim nodded opening a counter draw and pulling out a pen. Glancing over the form as a muscle in his jaw twitched, he signed his name and dropped the pen.

“Thanks Simon.” He turned and glared at Blair. “Sign the damn form, Sandburg. I want to get this over with.”

Blair came forward feeling numb and signed the bonding form his eyes moving over to the resignation forms beside it. “Jim, can we at least talk about the resignation?”

“You have no say in what I do, guide,” Jim growled, the word guide sounding like a curse and Simon glanced at him and then Blair.

“Jim, I would like to talk with Blair in private. Do you think you can leave us alone for a little while?” Jim glanced up, sentinel instincts immediately coming to the forefront with the single purpose of protecting his guide as he glanced over Simon’s angry face before looking at Blair.

“I haven’t had a chance to test Jim’s range yet but I can guarantee it will be far. He’s a highly sensitive sentinel.” Blair glanced at Jim gauging his response and saw a look of disgust on Jim’s face. “If we want to talk we should maybe go to the jogging trail by the bay?”

“We have to go that far?” Simon gasped in awe looking at Jim as Blair nodded.

“I’ll go,” Jim answered and Blair’s eyes widened in fear.

“No, it’s too soon for you to be on your own with all that stimuli, man,” he paused realizing his mistake. It wasn’t a good idea to tell Jim what he couldn’t handle. Jim glared at him.

“I said I’ll go.” Jim turned to Simon. “Simon,” he didn’t want to say be careful he’s my guide but he needed the police Captain to understand that despite his anger and pain the sentinel within him would not allow his guide to be physically hurt by anyone else. Simon nodded, understanding.

“I want to have a talk with Sandburg, that’s all, Jim.” The detective glanced at his boss wondering if he could trust Simon with his guide. Could he trust anyone any more? He certainly couldn’t trust Blair any longer but he nodded. He would be nearby and he wouldn’t be gone long.

“I’ll be back in half an hour,” he said, his eyes going over Blair daring him to say a word. The guide nodded knowing where Jim would be if anything happened as Jim grabbed his jacket and walked out the door. Walking over to the balcony he watched Jim cross the street and walk down by the bay before turning back to Simon and closing the balcony doors.

“You have something to say, Simon?” he asked steeling himself and looking up into the eyes of the man obviously condemning him.

“I have a lot to say, starting with never call me Simon again. That is a name friends call me. After what you’ve done to Jim I’ll never call you a friend again.”

Momentarily, Blair closed his eyes clamping down on pain. The bond hadn’t worked out right and he deserved this as punishment. Nodding he opened his eyes and looked again at his Captain. “I have to give you credit Sandburg, you did what the criminals couldn’t, you stopped Jim Ellison.”

“I didn’t mean to.” Blair’s voice was obviously full of pain but Simon ignored it.

“Didn’t mean to what? Rape him?” Blair flinched, his face pale as he looked up at Simon knowing there was no defense. “I would throw your ass in jail if it weren’t for the fact that Jim would suffer.” Simon paced back and forth and then sighed turning back to the guide.

“Jim’s resigning. I can’t say I blame him, it’s wrong but a sentinel in the PD is treated differently by cops, not that you’d care. You’re the guide, you wouldn’t face what Jim would have to. What you decided Jim would have to face.” He stared coldly at Blair’s white face, inside he knew Blair was hurting but he couldn’t stop the cruel words. He wished he could strike out physically at the guide as well but knew better than to lay a hand on a sentinel’s guide. “I’m making him take his vacation and bonding leave first but understand this Sandburg, if Jim doesn’t come back you have no place in Major Crimes. Transfer out. You could fight me on this but you’ll lose and I will personally see to it that you get every miserable case there is.” Simon turned away not looking at Blair. “Are you going to say anything?”

Blair looked away, wiping at his face as tears filled his eyes but he couldn’t hide the quiver in his voice as he answered. “I didn’t mean to hurt Jim. Bonding is supposed to be a wonderful thing between sentinel and guide and -” He stopped before saying he was so in love with Jim that making love to him fulfilled all of Blair’s fantasies. That didn’t matter anymore. Jim would never forgive him much less love him. Blair looked up at Simon knowing there could be no defense that would work. He had destroyed his friendship with Jim and Simon, Jim’s career, and even his own; he had no love to show for it and a bond that was painful for his sentinel. All in all he was a failure as a guide.

“And what?” Simon barked out.

“Nothing,” Blair finished again swiping at his eyes as Simon watched him.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Simon tried to keep his voice hard but it softened at the sheer pain coming from Blair and watched the guide nod. “Shit, Blair,” Simon answered not even aware that he was again using the younger man’s first name. “I think you both need to see a counselor if you ever want to have anything like a normal life.” Blair nodded thinking he wouldn’t mind seeing a counselor but he doubted Jim would want to go. Sighing, Simon looked at his youngest detective. The kid had fucked up big time but Simon knew Jim loved the kid. Maybe with some outside help something could be salvaged. Simon couldn’t imagine how painful their lives would be if they didn’t fix this.

“What will you two do for the next two weeks during bonding leave?”

“I’ll get Jim’s senses under control.” Blair didn’t add if Jim lets me. Simon nodded.

“I want a call every three days to hear how the bonding is coming along.” Blair nodded. “And I want to hear that you and Jim have set up an appointment with Dr. Corey.” The Captain paused momentarily. “If Jim refuses to go, I still want to know you went. Are we clear on this, Blair?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good.” Simon turned. “I’m going back to work.” He glanced at the bay windows. “If he’s not back in ten minutes, I’m going down there,” Blair answered understanding the glance. “I have to give him the full half hour. He needs to know I’ll respect the boundaries he sets.”

“Too bad you didn’t do that before.” Simon’s voice was snide but he regretted it. Blair, it seemed, was a victim here too by some weird genetic quirk of faith. Gathering his papers Simon left.

***

If Blair could describe the next week he would call it pure hell. Jim still refused to eat with him or talk to him. When Blair replaced household items with sentinel safe items Jim became angry that his linens, cleansers and toiletries were no longer good enough and was more than willing to show his anger at the changes in household items that Blair initiated on his behalf.

However, Jim, realizing that if he was ever to live a normal life he would have to learn to control his senses, agreed to Sentinel Guide Institute testing. He needed the doctors to sign off on bonding anyway. Blair, pleased that Jim was willing and hoping that it was sign that he was settling into his new life, made the appointment and drove them to the institute. Walking up to the desk, the pair looked down at the receptionist, Jim with a frown, Blair with a smile, and gave in their names. A few minutes later they were ushered into a room with soft ambient lighting and high tech sound proofing.

Doctors immediately began running tests on Jim, constantly asking Blair to ground the sentinel as they worked. Blair did though he felt Jim stiffen every time he touched the sentinel. By the end of the day, Jim had a major migraine as they sat across from Dr. Stevenson waiting for the results. Beside him, Blair fidgeted with excitement but Jim was cold and distant, hating the fact that he even had to go through this. Things were silent for a few minutes as Dr. Stevenson reviewed the file and then he pushed it across to sentinel and guide for their perusal. Blair immediately reached for it but then stopped as he glanced at Jim before sliding it closer more sedately though he did lean forward to review the results.

“Well gentlemen,” Dr. Stevenson considered the pair. He had been told by his staff that this had been an unusual pair and that they didn’t act like a bonded pair despite the fact that they obviously were. Sentinels and guides were warm and caring, aware of each other at all times, and quick to reach for each other. Generally, they were excited about the tests and the results, sharing their thoughts and ideas but not in this case. “We completed tests on all Jim’s senses and I must report he is a very high level sentinel. His tests all ranged at the highest end of the sentinel spectrum.” Stevenson glanced up at Blair’s happy smile and then glanced at Jim’s frown before looking down and rubbing his forehead. Jim’s reaction conflicted with everything he knew about sentinels. Clearing his throat he looked up again. “So Jim will need some support, not a problem with a guide at his side, and he will need a bit of training. Blair, start with the dials and over time extend his senses further and further outwards until you reach his upper limits. Make sure he can identify those limits to reduce zones.” Blair nodded - as a guide he had been trained in how to help a sentinel. Stevenson rose extending his hand first to Jim and then Blair. “I’ll be signing off on your bonding for the PD. I can only imagine how successful you two will be as detectives.” He watched as Jim turned and stalked off without a look in his guide’s direction.

After the testing, Jim, thinking he would never be free of his guide if he didn’t learn control, resigned himself to working with Blair and spent several hours daily, pushing his senses out to their limits and tamping them down and then focusing them on one specific object. As the days slipped by the number of spikes and zones lessened exponentially but if Blair hoped their friendship would return he was disappointed. Missing was the easy banter, the amusing trivia Blair spouted, even the friendly arguments. Jim remained cold and distant when not working on his senses and balked every time the guide touched him when they were working together. And Blair noticed he constantly wanted to touch his sentinel, it was part of the bonding, the need to touch and caress and the desire to make love to Jim. As a guide he felt this need far more than the sentinel.

Additionally, Blair felt lost every time he looked around the loft, his home, a home he now felt like a criminal in. He knew Jim could not throw him out; Jim’s sentinel instincts would not allow it, they were hard wired to protect his guide so Jim was stuck enduring Blair’s presence day in and day out. Worse yet, he came to accept the hard truth that he had not only destroyed his own life, which was bad enough but he could live with that, but he had destroyed Jim’s life too. He had, unfairly, with premeditation, made Jim into something he didn’t want to be, fooling himself into thinking Jim would eventually welcome the change. And there was nothing he could do to fix it. He had been so sure as a guide he knew best, that he had ignored all of Jim’s pleas. The realization and what it would mean to both sentinel and guide for all the years to come hit him with a force that made him gag and he held a hand over his mouth to keep from throwing up. And as the implications were laid out before him Blair found himself wishing he had never heard of sentinels or guides.

At the beginning of the second week of bonding leave Jim began seriously researching his options for the future trying to consider what he would and could do. In the back of his mind he wondered if he could weather the derision he would receive as a sentinel in the PD or if he should just drop his career. He doubted the others in Major Crimes would say anything about his status as a sentinel at least to his face but he would lose most of the friends he had made among the uniforms. They would look at him as some type of freak which, to Jim’s thinking, without the Sencease, he was. Jim even considered a return to the military. He had left after he lost his men in helicopter crash because of faulty intelligence swearing never to go back but the military was open, even encouraging of sentinels and guides. Eventually, he discarded that idea; the military would not take a bonded sentinel without his guide and though he was sure Blair would follow him into the army, the guide was not military material. It would impede a career in the armed forces and the army would push the bonding agenda to keep their sentinel healthy.

Jim could see Blair watching him as he looked at possible careers. He knew the guide well enough to recognize that Blair wanted to discuss options with him, to convince him that he would be an incredible detective, “a human crime lab” to quote Blair, but Jim ignored Blair, usually with a growl of anger. He just couldn’t bring himself to communicate with Blair. He hated being an online sentinel and he had been too badly betrayed by the guide though some deep inner part of him reminded him that Blair was just the latest in a long series of betrayals that started with his mother. The worst part about the whole situation was Jim still cared about Blair and it wasn’t just a sentinel thing. He had loved his young roommate before the sentinel business and had even begun to wonder about the possibility of some relationship with Blair but a private one, not some public display that announced he needed Blair to survive. He felt a festering wound every time he considered what Blair had done, some part of him wanting and needing the guide’s touch, while another part wanted to punish him and a third sentinel part hated himself for hurting the guide. Psychologically he was a mess and realized it. So he became even angrier when Simon called and talked to Blair about counseling. He could clearly hear both sides of the conversation despite the fact that Blair was in the kitchen and Jim on the balcony. He heard Simon ask if Blair had spoken to Jim about seeing Dr. Corey and if Blair had made an appointment for himself and the guide’s admission that he had not yet but only because he wasn’t ready to leave his sentinel alone. That statement had made Jim even angrier. Suddenly, he had been reduced to the status of a three year old unable to care for himself in the guide’s mind and Blair didn’t mind sharing that information with others. However, the next part of the conversation had both surprised and interested him.

“Has Jim decided what he is going to do?” Simon had asked.

Blair shook his head and Jim watching had almost smiled. Blair always spoke with his body. “He’s not talking to me.” Blair paused and Jim could fill in the word “Simon” and realized Blair was avoiding calling Simon by his first name and could guess the reason why.

“Dawson Quinn is transferring to another prison today so he can be tried for crimes he committed outside of Washington and I’m going to personally supervise the transfer. The commissioner feels that some cops might not want Quinn, a convicted cop killer, to reach his destination. When I get back I’ll come and talk to Jim. I haven’t put in his resignation yet, I’ve been saying he’s on sick leave and you’re taking care of him. I was hoping he’d change his mind.” There was a pause. “If he doesn’t come back, Sandburg, you may need to resign. Jim’s a sentinel; he needs a guide at his side.”

“I know that,” Blair answered sadly. “If it comes to that, I’ll resign and do whatever I have to, to support Jim.”

Simon’s voice softened. “Look Blair, I know I was hard on you but…”

“You don’t have to say anything. I deserved everything you said and more. I’ve destroyed my friendship with Jim and he’s so unhappy.” Blair’s voice started to choke and Jim turned his hearing down unwilling to listen to his guide’s pain. He mentally reviewed his career options and tried to consider what he would tell Simon. Jim actually looked forward to seeing the Captain. Simon was a friend and Jim could bounce some ideas off of him.

***

Simon never turned up that evening which surprised Jim, and didn’t call, so the next morning after a breakfast of eggs and coffee Jim called Simon. Getting no answer at home Jim tried the office. Rhonda answered and immediately inquired after Jim’s health. Obviously, the secretary knew he was on some kind of medical leave. So Simon was keeping his status quiet. Silently thanking his friend, Jim asked for Simon and Rhonda gave a dismal sigh.

“Jim, it’s being kept very quiet but Simon’s missing. Quinn had an accomplice who blew out the tires on the vans and killed two of the cops before Quinn and the accomplice escaped into the Cascade forest and we think they took Simon with them as a hostage. We figure Quinn is heading for the millions he hid. We don’t know if Simon’s even alive,” the secretary continued in a hoarse voice that reflected her emotional state. “There are teams in the area including H, Rafe and Joel but it is a huge tract of forest.”

“Damn,” Jim swore as Blair walked into the kitchen watching his sentinel closely, his empathy picking up the change in Jim’s emotional state. Instead of the slow simmering anger that had been his constant companion for a week he could feel concern rolling off Jim. However, unlike Jim, he could only hear one side of the conversation though he already guessed something had gone wrong with the transport. When Jim finally hung up the phone Blair glanced at him.

“What happened?” he asked wondering if Jim would even give him an answer. They hadn’t talked in over a week and a half. But distracted, Jim answered. Blair listened thoughtfully and then looked over the sentinel.

“With your heightened senses we could track him,” he whispered, knowing he was walking a mine field by suggesting Jim act as a sentinel. He held his breath watching as Jim considered those words, his eyes on the phone. He could feel Jim’s resentment but he could also sense some hesitation, some uncertainty as Jim weighed his abilities against his desire to leave them unacknowledged.

“Right, until I zoned.” The answer was bitter as Jim started to turn away deciding to turn his back on his abilities.

“I’d help you. I’d keep you from zoning,” Blair answered, looking away, not wanting to see the condemnation and dismissal in Jim’s eyes.

Jim watched the guide thoughtfully for a moment weighing his desire to dismiss his sentinel abilities and ignore the guide against his desire to save Simon and get Quinn. “There are plenty of trackers around,” he began uncertainly.

“How many are sentinels?” Blair countered. There were so few sentinel guide pairs that it was unlikely that a pair was involved. Not unless it was some major public figure.

“You think I could do this?” Jim repeated and watched the guide nod. Deciding that he couldn’t not try and save Simon, he picked up the phone and called Rhonda back getting details before turning back to the guide. “Understand this, Sandburg, doing this changes nothing between us.” Blair nodded, swallowing and turned to his bedroom to get ready.

A half an hour later sentinel and guide were on their way down the highway heading for the Cascade forest reserve.

***

The search parties had been formed and had already set out when Blair and Jim pulled up. Hopping out of Jim’s truck, the pair greeted Joel at the command center, near where Simon’s convoy had been ambushed before Jim looked around. Blair watching him closely noticed Jim’s nostrils flare as he scented the air before turning and scanning the woods. Most of the parties were heading south or southeast, thinking Quinn was making his way out of the difficult terrain but Jim standing by the wreck that had been Simon’s car pointed north. “I think they doubled back and headed north,” he announced to Joel and the wilderness team leader, Tennyson.

“Why?”

“There seems to be a lot of ground trampled that way,” he answered loudly while leaning close to his guide. “I smell his cigars,” Jim whispered and Blair smiled.

“Then we go north,” Blair agreed going to the command center to tell Joel where they were heading and getting two backpacks filled with gear, a compass, map and supplies.

“You’ll get lost heading up into the north woods,” Tennyson shook his head. “That’s hard terrain.”

“Don’t worry about Jim,” Joel answered from beside the team coordinator. “He’s a former army ranger. He’ll find his way in and out.” Joel waved them off as Blair and Jim hoisted their packs and headed into the dense terrain.

***

Blair and Jim traveled for about an hour before Jim stopped looking around, unsure. Blair beside him automatically put a hand on his arm. “What is it?”

“I’m losing the scent.”

Blair considered the statement for a moment. “What is your scent dial set to?”

“Five.”

“Okay, use my heartbeat to raise the dial to seven.”

“I get too much forest smell when I do that.”

“We’ll filter it. Raise the dial.” Jim did wrinkling his nose and Blair leaned in closer. “Smell me,” he said softly and Jim did his body automatically relaxing a little as he focused on his guide’s scent. “Now filter out the smell of grass.” Blair waited and then continued having Jim filter out scents. Twenty minutes later, they were on their way again, Jim following the trail of cigar scent.

After three hours of moving steadily and quietly through the forest, Blair completely concentrated on his sentinel watching for possible zones since Jim’s scent dial was high, Jim came to a halt and looked around before stooping down and lifting a cigar case. “Simon’s,” he said showing it to Blair. “Daryl gave it to him for Christmas. He always carries it.”

Blair nodded looking around. It was getting darker; he knew Jim could see perfectly well in the gloom but he couldn’t. Not thinking about what he was saying Jim put out his hand. “Give me the map, Chief,” he asked and Blair produced it from the top of his backpack handing it over. Jim took it and studied it as Blair studied Jim. His chest hurt at being called Chief because he knew, the nickname was said out of habit and because Jim was distracted. He would never knowingly call Blair “Chief” again. Fighting back another emotional onslaught Blair turned away ostensibly to look around but actually to keep Jim from seeing how upset he really was, though Jim glanced up momentarily at the increased respiration and heart rate of the guide.

Jim, holding the map and compass, looked around thoughtfully and then focused on Blair’s back. “There’s an old abandoned mine about fifteen or twenty miles east of here. I’ll bet that’s where Quinn is headed.” Blair wiped at his eyes and turned with a nod.

“Should we radio it in?”

Jim shook his head. “We won’t get a signal in this dense overgrowth. Maybe when we get closer.” Blair nodded, balancing his knapsack as Jim set off again. They traveled another few hours and stopped only for a half hour to eat, Blair stumbling behind Jim unable to see anything until Jim finally took hold of his arm, leading him forward until they stopped for the night.

“How far ahead do you think they are?” Blair asked, pulling off his pack and dropping to the hard ground with a sigh.

“Three or four hours at most,” Jim said, glancing around. “I’m going to get some wood. I think we can have a small fire. Quinn’s far enough away that he won’t see anything. Stay here.”

Blair nodded at the command and unpacked a small pot. He sat down unable to see anything beyond his hand in front of his face and considered just how amazing Jim was. The Sentinel Guide Institute had said Jim was a high level sentinel and that was clearly demonstrated. A lesser sentinel could never follow the trail. Blindly, Blair had followed, trusting Jim’s instincts honed by his abilities and his time as a ranger and knowing he could pull Jim from a zone if his concentration went too deep. But as he sat waiting Jim’s return another thought occurred to him. What if Jim zoned getting firewood? Blair couldn’t find him before morning. The thought set off a wave of panic in the guide and he stood trying to think of what to do. He had a flashlight but in this type of darkness, not even knowing which way Jim went, he would have trouble finding the sentinel. Unsure what to do he glanced around but before his panic turned into a full blown panic attack Jim returned.

“What’s wrong, Sandburg?” Jim asked looking around, his arms full of firewood.

“I…uh…nothing. I just thought…” Blair paused realizing he didn’t want to tell Jim his fear of Jim zoning. “It’s a little scary out here when you can’t see anything,” he obfuscated. Jim nodded, dropping the wood and setting up the campsite. He had a small fire going a few minutes later and glanced at Blair. “There’s a stream about half a mile south. I’m going to get us some fresh water. You see what you can do with the provisions.”

Blair nodded, for one fleeting moment feeling like they were on one of their camping trips but reality slapped him in the face immediately. Jim would never want to go camping with him again. Not that that would matter. Jim would never be able to go without him. So Blair guessed that was just another thing he had stolen from Jim.

The next morning Jim had Blair up before dawn and the two continued toward the mine. After about two hours of walking, as early morning light filtered through the trees, Jim pointed at a charred area. “They were here yesterday,” he said. “We’re only an hour behind them.” He stooped down glancing carefully at the ground. “It looks like there were three here. Simon tied up there.” He indicated the tree. “There are rope fibers there and two other tracks here by the fire,” Jim continued to study the ground. “Three sets of prints head off that way so Quinn has someone with him.” He stood. “As soon as we can get a signal we’ll radio it in.”

Blair nodded as the two moved on more cautiously, Jim listening intensely as they walked, Blair carefully watching his sentinel for a zone. They were about a quarter of mile from the mine when Jim stopped Blair and ducked down behind some trees, resting his back against the bark. “The mine is just ahead and Simon’s there,” he whispered. “Quinn’s there with some woman named Lisa so there are two we have to watch out for. I’ll see if I can circle around and get a signal by the mountain. Then I’ll move in from that side while you move from this side. Wait for my signal before going forward.”

“Jim, wait,” Blair whispered insistently as the sentinel started to rise, his heartbeat jumping so that Jim looked at him in confusion. “We should do this together,” he practically ground out but Jim shook his head.

“Quinn is making Simon go down the well to get the missing money. You think Simon’s going to live after that?”

Blair glanced around. “You are a newly bonded sentinel. You can’t do this alone.”

“You know what, Sandburg; I’m going to have to.”

“And if you zone what good will you be?” Blair shot back angrily. It was time Jim realized sentinels had guides for a reason. Jim glared at Blair and the constant beat of anger Blair felt through the bond intensified. But Blair was used to the anger and ignored it. Jim was his sentinel and he had to keep Jim safe, even from himself.

“I’ll keep everything dialed down,” he finally answered dismissively and started to move away as Blair checked his own radio for a signal, frustration evident in the tight lines of his face. The chance of getting a signal in the trees was still unlikely but on top of the rock pile where Jim was heading the chances would be better. Unfortunately, Jim would have a lot less cover. Blair watched Jim move away almost silently and then turned his attention back to the campsite thinking he would do something to stop Quinn and to hell with Jim’s plans.

Sliding around a small crop of trees, Blair eased his gun out of his holster and pulled the safety. His eyes remained locked on Quinn and his accomplice, the blonde haired woman named Lisa, as they held onto ropes.

Taking a quiet breath he moved closer, sliding along the ground, gun in his right hand as he slid forward, aware that Quinn and Lisa were busy pulling Simon up the well. He was only a few yards from the mine, with no cover left, as Simon neared the top and Quinn demanded that he send up the money. Blair guessed Simon would know he would be dropped the moment the money was handed over and Blair could hear the Captain demand that he be pulled up first. Quinn and Lisa didn’t look inclined to do that and Blair stood quietly, gun pointed at the pair, and demanded that they pull up Simon. Quinn and Lisa spun in surprise and eyed the gun trained on them as Jim, gun drawn, repeated the command from the other direction as he slipped around the pair to stand beside his guide. Turning, Quinn reached his hand down and pulled Simon up, the Captain sliding over the edge of the well and leaning against it breathing heavily, the captivity and forced march taking its toll. Seeing the guns trained on him, Quinn leaned in close to Simon, trying to put Simon’s body between himself and the guns, his face a mask of anger as he glared at the cops.

“Get Back,” Jim commanded, trying to shift his position to get a clearer view of Quinn while still remaining close enough to protect his guide. It was then that the weakened wooden edge of the well Quinn was pushing against gave way and broke off, falling down into the shaft. Simon, who had been leaning against it, gasped, teetering at the edge before falling backwards to the ground, and Quinn, pulling out his gun, swung the weapon around and fired at the two cops facing him.

In that moment, Blair saw the gun point at Jim and with a shout dove straight into his sentinel knocking him backwards. Jim was sent sprawling but ended up out of the range of Quinn as the guide took a bullet in his leg, collapsing. Jim had only a moment to decide what to do and knowing he couldn’t get Quinn from the angle he was at but needing to disarm the man before he could do more damage, turned and took aim for a shack with some old explosives stored in it, consciously turning down his hearing dial as he took aim and fired. The resulting explosion sent all the people sprawling to the ground, weapons flying out of the combatants’ hands as Jim turned and quickly assessed his guide. Blair was hurt but the sentinel could tell his vitals were strong and knowing he had to secure the threat before helping his guide, turned back to the criminals. At the same time, Simon jumped up to stop them, Simon making a grab for Lisa as an enraged sentinel went after Quinn.

Punches flew as Jim fought with Quinn and forced the man back towards the abandoned well until he was holding the man over the well, the sentinel within him demanding that he kill the man that had hurt his guide. Simon, watching Jim and Quinn as he pushed Lisa down onto the muddied ground, handed Blair Quinn’s gun that had flown several feet away after the explosion, and walked over to the well calling Jim. The sentinel, holding Quinn over the well, turned and looked at the police Captain and then after a moment’s pause, threw Quinn down, handcuffing him before turning back to his guide and grabbing some cloth to stem the bleeding from Blair’s leg.

Forty minutes later, the area was swarming with cops and feds and Blair was being airlifted out to a hospital, the sentinel going with him in the copter.

***

Jim glanced over at the hospital bed where Blair slept. The guide had needed surgery to remove a bullet that had lodged against the bone and had come through the surgery without any complications, the bullet retrieved as evidence. Because Jim told the doctors he was a sentinel and Blair his guide, he had been allowed up as soon as Blair was settled in his room. It was standard operational procedure for sentinels and guides to be given a special private room (with extra sound proofing and specialized lighting) and allowed to share the room with their bonded partner.

The doctors told Jim that Blair wouldn’t wake for hours as the sentinel took a seat in the reclining chair beside the bed. That was another piece of the specialized room. Sentinels and guides needed to be near each other when one was injured and hospitals kept a reclining chair in the sentinel guide room.

Jim was sitting in the chair reading when Simon arrived. “Hey Jim,” he greeted, walking in. “How’s Sandburg?”

“He’ll be fine in a couple of weeks.” Jim let his eyes move over the sleeping figure. Simon nodded and pulled up a chair.

“I never did get to say thank you properly. You and Blair saved my life.”

“Sandburg said I could track you.” Jim indicated Blair.

“I figured it was a sentinel thing, you finding me.”

Jim nodded and reaching in his pocket pulled out the cigar case handing it over. “It wasn’t all that hard,” Jim admitted reluctantly.

“So what have you decided to do?”

“Simon, I don’t know.”

The Captain glanced at Blair. “He loves you, you know. He’s been in love with you for a long time. Everyone at the station knew it. It’s not an excuse but it’s not just a sentinel thing.”

“I know he does.” Jim paused thoughtfully and then added, “Part of me loves him too. I just can’t forget what he did.”

“Jim, before you make a decision why don’t you see the department shrink?” Simon watched Jim and relaxed a little seeing that the detective hadn’t rejected the idea outright. “At least you can make your decision with a clear head.” Once again Jim scanned his guide and then he nodded.

“I need an appointment without Blair. I don’t want him there when I speak with him.”

“You want me to set it up? I can see if Dr. Corey can come here?”

“I’ll be here,” Jim agreed. “So call me here. As a sentinel they’ll let me stay. Hell, they’ll give me food and access to a shower but if you could stop and get me some clothes I’d appreciate it.”

“Sure,” Simon stood, “I’ll arrange it.” He glanced at Blair. “Let me know how he’s doing. I’ll stop back again tonight.” Jim watched his Captain go and then went back to reading.

Simon headed down the stairs thinking about Jim. If they could just convince him to try staying Simon was sure things would work out. And so, Dr. Corey got a call from Simon as soon as he was in his car and hearing that Jim Ellison needed to speak with him agreed to get there in the late afternoon. Jim smiled minutes later when Simon called with the appointment time. Simon was pushing, hoping Jim would come back.

Blair was still out of it and would be for another few hours when Dr. Corey entered the room. “Hello Jim,” he said looking at the sentinel seated beside the sleeping guide. “Should we talk here or go somewhere else?” he asked with a look at Blair.

“We can talk here. I’ll know if he’s waking,” Jim answered putting down the magazine he was reading.

“How strong a sentinel are you?”

“The institute says I’m at the high end.”

“Simon gave me some information but I’ll need to hear what happened from you.” Jim nodded and in as dispassionate a voice as he could maintain told Corey what had happened.

When Jim finally finished, Corey leaned forward. “Jim, how do you feel?”

“Angry, betrayed.”

Corey nodded. “What else?”

“Do I need to feel anything else?”

“Humans are complex creatures. We can’t always control what we feel and sometimes we feel things we don’t want to.”

Jim nodded. “I feel hurt, powerless against what was done to me.”

Corey nodded again. “How do you feel about Blair?”

“Angry.”

“And about being an online sentinel?”

“Disgusted.”

Sitting back Corey considered Jim for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “If we took the sentinel part out of the equation, how would you feel about a relationship with Blair?”

Jim sat silent for a few minutes and Corey considered this might be a key to some kind of recovery if Jim were honest. If he weren’t the two would have a long hard road. “I loved him. Some part of me, not a sentinel part,” Jim added quickly, “still loves him. When we went on the camping trip I was going to discuss the possibilities of starting some kind of relationship.”

Corey glanced again at Blair as he considered Jim’s words. “There are three different issues you need to consider here. One, Blair taking away a decision that should have been shared, namely, whether or not to have a sexual relationship. Two, his taking your control away and forcing you to be something you weren’t prepared to be and three, your own disgust at what you are. None of these things are insurmountable but all are difficult.

“If you weren’t a sentinel would you have minded others finding out about a relationship with Blair?”

“No.”

“What makes it different adding the sentinel piece in?”

Jim thought about the question for a few minutes and then glanced at Blair and back at Corey. “It’s no longer an equal partnership,” he said at last. “It’s as if Blair owns me, controls me. No one will see me as their equal anymore.” Corey nodded. It was unfortunate but Jim was to some extent right, especially in the PD, but before he could comment Jim continued. “Do you know what it’s like to have to be dependent on someone because your body requires it? You’re given no choice in the matter?”

“No I don’t,” Corey admitted. “But do you think Blair understood any of this when he forced the bond?”

“He understood some of it but no, not all. He had a crazy idea that I would turn into the happy sentinel.”

“That is a problem,” Corey admitted. “Guides are always told about the wonders of the bond and for receptive sentinels the bond is phenomenal. And since a forced bond is rare they think the bond itself will resolve all the issues. It’s a delusion most guides live under mainly because they need a sentinel. The way your senses can control you their empathy can control them and drive them to extremes. It’s not a commonly known statistic but guides who don’t bond are 60% more likely to commit suicide than any other group. The call for a sentinel drives them to depression.” Corey considered Blair for one more minute. “Living with you, working with you, in love with you and feeling the call to bond.” He shook his head. “It must have been torture for years.”

“He knew we were compatible,” Jim added quietly as he took in the psychiatrist’s words. “He told me the day we met he reacted to me in a way he had never reacted to any other sentinel.”

“I think we can both see what drove Blair to this. He was far more out of control than you will ever be. The question is where do you want to go from here?”

“I don’t know,” Jim answered and Corey nodded. “Think about it. Tomorrow when he’s awake and alert I’d like to speak with both of you.”

“Okay,” Jim agreed as Corey rose, “and thank you, doctor.” He settled down, Blair’s heartbeat relaxing him. Slowly, the exertion of the hunt caught up with him and Jim drifted down into some much needed sleep.

As sleep took hold, Jim found himself in a blue jungle. He knew he was dreaming, after all there were no blue jungles, but even so a natural caution kept him searching the flora and fauna around him. Moving into an obvious clearing he watched as the leaves parted and a sleek black jaguar moved into the clearing, its cornflower blue eyes staring up at him. Turning, it started back into the woods but stopped at the edge, waiting, and Jim realized he was supposed to follow the graceful feline. Deciding dreams had their own set of rules and he wasn’t going to argue with them, he followed as the Jaguar moved through the brush until it reached a large stone temple. The temple was obviously abandoned and ancient; the forest reclaiming it as lichen discolored the stone and ivy crawled up the sides and pillars so the jungle could reclaim its domain. Reaching the temple the jaguar turned and gave a growl that stopped Jim in his tracks and then in one giant leap, powerful muscles rippling, it jumped to the top of the stairs and turned to stare at Jim.

With even more caution Jim approached until he stood at the foot of the stairs looking up into the intelligent eyes of the cat. Slowly the cat sat and then a warrior stepped out of the temple behind the great cat, a hand coming to rest on the jaguar’s head as he stood next to the animal. The warrior was dressed in pants made of animal skin, his chest bare and bronzed by the sun to an almost chocolate brown which contrasted with some blue turquoise beads that hung from his neck. He was adorned with red and black paint across his arms, chest and face with symbols that obviously had some meaning though Jim couldn’t guess what and his eyes were dark and black much like his shoulder length hair. He was tall, statuesque even and held a spear in his right hand as he looked down at Jim.

“We have waited a long time for you, sentinel,” he said in a deep bass voice as his eyes swept over Jim. “We were beginning to fear you would not come.”

“What do you mean, why have you led me here?”

“It is the place of beginning. From here the first sentinels emerged. It is a place of importance to all sentinels.”

Jim started to protest to say it wasn’t a place of importance to him but the native held up his hand and for some reason Jim fell silent.

“You did not accept your destiny so your guide did it for you.” The warrior shook his head in displeasure. “Choosing to ignore your ordained path in times past would have led the tribe to certain death. Even in this time it is unsafe for the tribe.” The warrior looked down at Jim thoughtfully for a moment and Jim had to force himself to keep from fidgeting under the scrutiny. “Many sentinels turn their backs on their path and though they do not know it they lose something precious by taking the medicine. In knowing this your guide was wise.” The warrior turned and held out his spear beckoning towards the jungle and Jim turned to see a gray wolf slowly limp into the clearing.

Its fur was matted and dull and its nose dry and cracked as it slowly entered the clearing and though its dark blue eyes showed intelligence there seemed to be something lost about the wolf. It inched forward slowly and came to a stop beside Jim before lying down on the hard ground with a soft whine. “This is your guide’s spirit animal,” the warrior continued. “He is dying slowly, painfully, much like your guide because you reject him.”

“What are you saying that Blair will die if I don’t want to be a sentinel?”

The warrior looked at Jim sadly. “You were given a great gift, sentinel. You were given your true guide, your soul mate; not all sentinels are so fortunate. But your guide will die if you reject him and you will soon follow. You can not live without your guide.” Turning the warrior moved back into the temple, the jaguar at his heels, as the gray wolf stood and slowly shuffled forward following the warrior. “Remember my words sentinel,” the voice echoed back and Jim shot up in his seat at the hospital, turning to stare at Blair who was asleep, a soft smile relaxing his features for the first time since becoming bonded.

Blair was having a wonderful dream. He and Jim were in a blue jungle walking together, friends and lovers both happy and relaxed. He didn’t want to wake from the world where his sentinel loved him but slowly his body demanded it and he found himself in a hospital bed, hurting.

Jim, beside him, glanced over. “They took a bullet out of your leg but you’ll be fine.”

Blair nodded as Jim put his book down and poured some water into a cup, the soft thrum of his empathy coming back online. He could feel the anger that had been his constant companion for two weeks but beneath that he could feel something else, concern, and he tried to ignore it. It made him feel worse that Jim was concerned but it was only an automatic reaction to a sentinel’s guide being hurt.

“Yep,” he thought bitterly. He had done a great job of fucking up both his and Jim’s life. He couldn’t imagine what Naomi would say when she learned her bouncing baby boy had actually raped his best friend. Sighing, hurting inside far worse than a bullet would or could, he glanced at his sentinel. “Hi Jim,” he whispered taking the cup and drinking some of the water. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine; you on the other hand have a bullet hole in your leg. What the hell did you think you were doing?” Jim’s voice was low but Blair could still both hear and feel the anger growing.

“Protecting you,” he answered as if it was the most expected and normal answer. “It’s what a guide does.”

“And tell me, Sandburg, if something happened to you what do I do?”

“The bond is new enough that you could still get another guide.” The statement was said calmly but hurt far more than the bullet wound. It was unfortunate but in long term sentinel guide relationships if one died the other followed right after. The sentinel wouldn’t bond with another and a replacement guide couldn’t be forced on a sentinel and so the sentinel usually fell into a deep zone or sometimes committed suicide before that could happen. A guide who lost his sentinel, while capable of surviving the day to day existence had his empathy running amok and either lived like a zombie the rest of his life – drugged up to his eyeballs or, as was more often the case, followed his sentinel into death.

“That’s just great,” Jim growled. “Just pick someone else to shove his cock up my ass.” The taunt was said to hurt Blair and it did but in the back of his mind the dream warrior’s words took root reminding him this was slowly killing the guide.

Blair didn’t answer but looked away sadly. He supposed he deserved that answer.

“Sorry,” he whispered at last. “It’s not an excuse but I never thought it would be like this for you.”

“I think I made it clear how I felt about it. But you ignored my feelings, my dreams, because you thought you knew better.” Jim stopped. He couldn’t continue, he was just torturing himself and Blair.

“You’re right,” Blair admitted, tears threatening, as his voice turned hoarse with emotions he couldn’t handle. “But being a sentinel, man it is the most amazing thing. I can’t imagine someone not wanting it. I still can’t imagine you not wanting it even though I know you don’t. But my God, what you can do, Jim.” He turned away realizing once again he was projecting his own values, his own beliefs on Jim. “Sorry,” he whispered again. Jim didn’t answer but picked up a book and started to read.

Blair slept on and off through most of the day and night. The following day when the doctors examined him they announced he could go home the next day if he continued to improve. Both Jim and Blair were relieved. For Jim, at least at home he could relax; the hospital was keeping him on edge. At around lunch, Corey arrived and greeting both took a seat.

“Hello Blair, how are you feeling?” he asked and Blair mumbled that he was fine. “Jim and I had a chance to talk yesterday,” he continued and noticed Blair’s surprise. Mentally Corey noted that there must be absolutely no communication going on between the two men. “So I’d like a chance to speak with both of you.” Blair nodded his agreement and Corey sat back. “Jim told me you forced a bond,” he stated bluntly and Blair looked down, unwilling to meet the therapist’s eyes as he nodded. “I think I understand why. It’s not easy being a guide before he or she bonds.” Corey was careful not to say before he or she has a sentinel. It would just add to Jim’s ideas of ownership. “Tell me Blair, as a guide, how do you see yourself?”

Blair thought about it and Corey and Jim waited several minutes in silence while he gathered his thoughts. “I should see myself as Jim’s partner, his protector, his anchor. But as a guide all I see myself as is a failure,” he admitted, brutally honest.

Before Corey could reply Jim answered,” You’re not a failure as a guide.” Both men looked at him in surprise as he continued. “As a guide you’re good. You do the job well. You help me keep everything on an even keel. What you are a failure as - is a friend.” Blair turned away and nodded his agreement, trying to keep his face calm. He didn’t want to start crying again. It would only embarrass Jim.

“Jim’s right,” he whispered.

“Blair do you think you are a friend who made a colossal error in judgment?’

Blair shrugged. “Does it matter?”

“Oh I think it does,” Corey answered watching Jim watch Blair.

Finally, Blair answered, “The day I met Jim I knew he was a compatible sentinel, more than compatible even and I wanted the bond. Then I got to know Jim the man and…and I fell in love with him, not with the sentinel, with Jim. I wanted him to be everything he could be and I wanted to merge our souls.”

Corey nodded, he knew bonding had levels, at the deepest two souls became one, their souls merging. “And you expected this type of bond with Jim?”

Blair nodded. “I thought he was just afraid of his senses. That he would see how amazing they could be. How amazing he is.” He paused then added in a flat voice, “I thought we could share our lives. That it would be something wonderful for both of us.”

“Sexually how did you see it?” Corey asked as Jim turned red looking at everything but Blair or Corey.

Blair shrugged. “I know I took Jim to form the bond and that as a sentinel he can bottom without complications but I had hoped that he would want me in the same way, would claim me.”

Jim looked at Blair in surprise as Corey, with an inner smile, picked up the conversation. “That’s unusual for a guide.”

“But not for a lover,” Blair answered sadly and Corey nodded watching as Jim turned to Blair.

“You really wanted me to top?” he asked and Blair turned red and nodded.

“I wanted to share and be together in all things, Jim,” he answered sadly.

“I hate being a sentinel,” Jim addressed the guide directly, for once without the cutting anger. “I never wanted to be one. People look at you like you’re some kind of freak in need of a guide keeper. Hell, a lot of people get nervous seeing a sentinel and a lot more get disgusted. I was brought up in a traditional home so I know how even my family will see me.”

“Absolutely none of that is true, man. You are incredible and beautiful and…” he stopped and looked away as Corey looked at Jim. It was time for the sentinel to decide what would happen next.

Jim looked at Blair thoughtfully and then looked at Corey. “Doctor, I think I need a private talk with my guide, with Blair,” he added with some force and Blair looked over in surprise hearing Jim use his name.

Corey nodded. “I know you will be going home tomorrow. You know how to reach me if you need me.” He stood and left the hospital room hoping the pair would come to some kind of resolution but more than aware they still had a long road to travel.

“What do you want to talk about?” Blair whispered wondering and at the same time dreading the conversation.

Jim looked at Blair and then looked away. “I never wanted to be a sentinel, Blair,” he repeated softly and Blair could hear the pain in the quiet words, the emotions wafting off Jim wrenching at the guide’s heart. “And I just don’t know how to get past what you did. You have to tell me how to do this; I know all I am doing is hurting us both.”

Blair looked away as unshed tears made his eyes glisten. “I’m sorry,” he answered, his voice cracking with emotions. “I don’t know how to fix this, how to make you comfortable with what you are or how to get you to forgive me for what I did. But I do know one thing, you are incredible. Nobody, absolutely nobody could possibly think of you as anything but a God.” Jim snorted and shook his head but undeterred Blair continued. “Sentinels are the most amazing of God’s creatures and you are the epitome of a sentinel: a warrior and a guardian.” Blair stopped and looked at Jim big blue eyes searching the face he loved most in the world as his empathy, for the first time since the bond, didn’t pick up anger and pain just a vague sense of curiosity. “I think what you really need is to accept who and what you were born to be. No one should have made you think you needed to change that.” Slowly, hesitantly, he continued, “Let me help you see who you are Jim. Please.”

The final plea was heartfelt and crammed with emotions Blair couldn’t control and from where Jim sat he could tell that Blair was being painfully honest. Sitting back with a sigh, Jim ran his hands through his short cropped hair, trying to think before slowly picking his words. “Blair, you are a guide, as a guide, you see things differently. As a guide you see a sentinel through rose colored lenses. The rest of the world doesn’t see us like that.” He reached out and took Blair’s hand letting their fingers entwine. It was the first time since bonding that Jim had actually reached out for Blair and the guide caught his breath as other sensations began to pass through him. The anger was still there but something warm was shining behind it and in the emotionally charged and confused state he had been living in for two weeks he couldn’t process that Jim still cared for him and tried to ignore the feelings he was receiving. But his empathy spiked with concern as Jim looked at Blair’s crumbling expression and Blair gave a soft sob of pain, relief, and wonder that Jim could still care about him and turning, buried himself in his sentinel’s arms, crying softly.

Jim looked down at the curly head resting against his chest and let one of his hands reach up to touch Blair’s silky hair as he thought of the warrior’s words. “The guide will die if you reject him.” As angry as he was, and yes, Jim was still angry and knew he would be for a long time, he couldn’t imagine life without Blair Sandburg. And in that moment, despite all that had happened, despite the anger, the pain, the betrayal and the disappointment, he realized he still loved Blair and he let his arms come up around the younger man pulling him close and resting his own head on Blair’s, holding him.

Letting his hands slide up and down Blair’s back he whispered in an almost choked voice, “It’s all right, Blair, we’ll find a way through this.” And as his guide grabbed him in desperation, Blair’s arms encircling Jim’s waist and holding on for dear life, Jim knew it would not be easy and would most certainly still be painful, but together, they would find a way to bridge the chasm that had sprung up between them.

***

Blair slept off and on through the rest of the day, some part of his body curled against Jim at all times. He never questioned the miracle that allowed Jim to tolerate him, he simply rejoiced in it. Despite the bullet wound, he was far more relaxed and in far less pain than the last two weeks and the guide within him reached out connecting with his sentinel, easing the severe stress.

By nightfall, the continued contact had done more good than the medicine and when Simon arrived that evening a lot of color had returned to Blair’s cheeks.

Simon walked in carrying magazines, coffee and Wonderburger and pulled a chair up beside Jim, glancing at the sleeping guide; Blair’s head resting against Jim’s hip as the sentinel perched on the side of the bed.

“Hi Simon,” Jim picked up the remote and turned off the television smiling as he looked at the Wonderburger bag.

“How’s he doing?” Simon gestured toward Blair handing over the food.

“He’ll come home Saturday and need another week to recover before he can start getting around.”

Simon nodded his understanding, looking from Blair to Jim. “And then what will you do?”

Jim sighed. “I think we’ll need a lot of counseling,” Jim admitted. “But I think we’ll be okay.”

Simon smiled with relief. “What about work?” Jim considered the question for some minutes saying nothing. Finally, Simon continued. “What would get you back to Major Crimes?”

“Honestly, I don’t think I could stand coming back to the contempt of friends.”

“Friends or the PD?”

“You know I don’t give a shit about the rest of the PD but Major Crimes would be another matter entirely.”

“And if they were supportive?”

“I would give it a try,” Jim agreed.

“Fair enough, I’ve been thinking about this and I have an idea. Take next week as a vacation week,” he indicated Blair. “You need to take care of your guide anyway. Next Friday, I’ll have a meeting with Brown, Rafe, Conner and Taggart. I’ll tell them what’s happened and you can monitor their reactions. That way you make an informed decision.”

Jim nodded his agreement before opening the bag of Wonderburger and pulling out some food.

“What about Blair?” Simon asked after some hesitation.

“What about him?”

“I know you were heterosexual but would a relationship with Blair be so horrible? He loves you.”

Jim looked down at the figure pushed against him and then reached down a hand to tenderly lift a curl between his fingers enjoying the feel of the silky strand. Looking back at Simon he shook his head. “I love him, have for a long time. A physical relationship with another man isn’t the problem here. I just can’t get over what he did to me.”

“You understand what prompted him?”

“Yeah, Corey explained it and intellectually I get it. But that doesn’t change the fact that it was a betrayal. I begged him not to do it and I was ignored. I can’t get past that. I can’t forgive him. At least not yet.”

Simon considered Jim’s words wishing he could light a cigar, cigars helped him think. “Maybe, in time you’ll forgive him.”

“Maybe.” He paused and then nodded. “I’m sure I will, eventually.”

Simon stood. “I’ll arrange a meeting for next Friday afternoon. I’ll use an interrogation room so you can see everyone but they won’t know you’re there.”

Jim nodded, the muscles in his jaw twitching with tension. “You’d better bring Corey to explain some of the details.”

“Will do.” Simon turned to leave as Jim picked up the remote but he turned back after a moment. “I know it was a betrayal and I know you’ll need time and help getting past it but the guide within him is awed by sentinels and he wanted what he thought was the greatest possible thing for you.” For one moment Simon stopped, realizing he was defending Blair’s actions, something that really couldn’t be defended, but Simon owed Blair, not forgiveness, that only Jim could give, but some kind of acknowledgement.

“Be all that you can be,” Jim answered his voice pitched somewhere between amused and sarcastic.

“If you think about it, as a detective what you could be now is off the scale.” Jim thought this over and then nodded, glancing at the sleeping guide.

“So what you’re saying is he took away my right to choose but gave me something?”

“Something he considers a treasure,” Simon countered.

“Unfortunately, I think of it as a curse.”

“Because you have to depend on Blair?” Simon turned back towards the door not expecting an answer and hesitated again, his back to Jim as he continued. “My marriage fell apart because I didn’t let Joan into my whole life. Yours fell apart for the same reason according to both you and Carolyn. Maybe the problem was about letting someone else take control for both of us.” He turned to look one more time at Jim and then the sleeping guide, his body silhouetted in the door, “I know I couldn’t do it, but if you can let go, with him at your side, you’ll be one lucky son of a bitch.” Turning Simon walked out as Jim considered Blair.

***

Jim brought his guide home Saturday, Simon having dropped his truck by the hospital Friday night. It was the first time since coming online that Jim had driven and though Blair was a little nervous (Jim was still adapting to his sentinel abilities) he said nothing.

Once Blair was firmly settled on the couch, Jim set about making dinner. It seemed to Jim this was a day of firsts: first drive since coming online, first time making Blair a meal since coming online, and when he called Blair to the table first shared meal since coming online.

Grabbing the crutch he would be obliged to use for the first few days, Blair moved slowly to the table and looked down at the two plates, his face lighting up immediately as he realized Jim would be sitting with him. Slipping into his seat, Blair glanced over at Jim as the sentinel carried a tray of lasagna to the table. “I didn’t have time to cook so I defrosted this.” Jim placed the food on the table and served up a large helping for himself and Blair.

“Thanks.” Blair tried to sound casual as he lifted his fork, glancing at Jim as he took a seat. “This beats hospital food.”

“Yeah, the food was pretty bad,” Jim agreed. “It’s a good thing Simon snuck in Wonderburger.”

Blair said nothing, pushing a fork full of food into his mouth to keep silent. There was a time when he would have commented about the salt and fat content of Wonderburger but that had been when they were friends. He had lost that right. Now he was just the guide and he knew he should be grateful for that but truthfully knowing what he had lost still hurt.

After a moment’s awkward silence when both men knew the teasing was missing, Jim stood and brought a wine glass and a regular drinking glass to the table. In front of Blair, he placed a bottle of water mumbling about Blair’s medicines and for himself picked up a bottle of wine speculatively. He hadn’t had a drink since coming online and he wasn’t sure how he would react. Blair watching looked at his own glass. “It’s okay Jim. The wine might seem a little stronger is all. Just take it slow.” Jim nodded and poured himself a glass, tentatively sipping some of the wine. Finding it okay he drank some before taking in more food.

“Foods and drinks taste different,” he said after a moment and Blair looked over at him.

“How?”

“Stronger… more complex.”

“You’re breaking down the food components,” Blair answered. “Where are your taste and smell dials?”

Jim took a moment then answered, “Four.”

Blair reached out and rested a hand on Jim’s arm. “Bring taste down to a three, use my heartbeat to bring it down.”

Jim closed his eyes for a moment obeying and took another taste of the food. “Better, thanks.”

Blair smiled, “We’ve spent a lot of time on hearing, sight and smell. We need to work more on taste and touch.” Jim made a face but said nothing and the guide took that as a tacit sign of agreement.

They continued eating in silence for a few minutes and then as Jim pushed his plate away he looked over his guide. “I get angry every time I have to do anything with these senses.”

Blair nodded, “I know. I’m sorry. I never thought anyone wouldn’t want to be a sentinel. It was stupid of me and self-centered.” He paused and gave a bitter laugh. “Pretty bad huh, a self-centered guide.”

Jim gave a snort in response and slowly reached out his hand to close it over Blair’s, ignoring both his own reaction to touching the guide and Blair’s. “I get angry,” he repeated. “But I miss Blair.”

Blair’s face went blank for one moment his defenses dropping as he told himself Jim couldn’t possibly be saying what Blair thought he was saying but Jim continued to hold his hand and after a minute he choked out, “I miss being with you, Jim, not the sentinel.”

“How do we get past this, Chief?”

Blair looked at his plate. He knew Jim wouldn’t like the answer. “Counseling, Jim, in my case to get over the fact that my self-worth is tied to being a guide and how obsessed I was, and where it led,” he added quietly. “In your case, to accept what an amazing person you were born to be.” He looked up while trying to suppress his empathy so he wouldn’t feel Jim’s anger in response. He could guess Jim’s reaction to the idea of counseling. “And lots of patience.” He sighed, seeing Jim hadn’t rejected the plan. “However, being a bonded sentinel and guide gives us a leg up on counseling. I can tell when things upset you. I’m a guide, I feel your emotions and as a sentinel you know how I react to things. You know more about what’s going on in my body than I do.”

“I’ll tell Dr. Corey to pencil us in.”

“Does that mean you want to go back to the PD?” Blair couldn’t keep the hope out of his voice.

“Maybe,” Jim shrugged and picked up the dishes carrying them to the sink. “Simon’s going to have a meeting with Major Crimes next Friday. I’ll see how they react and then decide.”

“They’re your friends, they’ll be fine with your status.”

“We’ll see.”

“They might not be as happy with me,” Blair mumbled picking up his water glass. Jim turned and stared at his guide thoughtfully. There was some truth in the statement and if he did go back he would have to make it perfectly clear there would be no open season on his guide.

“We’ll see,” he repeated and turned to do the dishes.

***

Though the camaraderie was still missing, the week passed with less stress than the preceding two. Blair ran tests on Jim’s sense of taste and then helped Jim with some of his sensitivities to food and drink. After all, what good would it do to love chocolate if you zoned when tasting it? And Blair was right about something else. Jim could read some of Blair’s emotions simply by tuning into the guide’s responses. That was why he knew on Thursday night that Blair was nervous.

“Worried about tomorrow?” Jim asked that night at dinner.

“No, yes…” Blair paused and Jim considered him thoughtfully. “I’m nervous about how some of the PD may react to you,” Blair finally admitted. “I don’t want you hurt.”

“Having second thoughts about Major Crimes?”

“No, not them. The others.”

“The others don’t matter,” Jim informed him.

“But I don’t want them insulting and harassing you.” Dropping his fork he looked at his plate. “What you said about how others will see you, it is completely wrong, but completely true.”

“You’re just realizing that now?”

“I guess I never really thought this out. I was so focused on you becoming a sentinel. I didn’t think about the fall out and long term effects.” Blair glanced up to meet the clear blue eyes of his sentinel, his own sapphire blue eyes troubled. “I don’t want people saying things about you just to be funny or derogatory at your expense.”

“They’ll be saying things about you too,” Jim answered with a shrug.

“Jim, they’ve always said things about me. Look at me, long hair, earrings. It doesn’t bother me. The difference is you will be able to hear it.”

“We’ll just have to see what happens,” Jim answered with a degree of patience that Blair didn’t feel as he stood to take his plate to the sink. He was no longer using a crutch though he still had a bit of a limp as his leg continued to heal. If he stood too long, it started to hurt but he was on the mend. Jim joined Blair at the sink and began washing the dishes, Blair grabbing a towel to dry. “Dr. Corey mentioned it could be difficult at first,” Jim stated as his sensitive fingers ran over the dishes, soap in hand.

“He also said you were in a unique position to change people’s perceptions of sentinels,” Blair added. They had already had one counseling session with Corey that week, Blair voicing his fears for Jim.

“Let’s take it one day at a time Chief,” Jim repeated his mantra.

Blair nodded and went into the living room to light a candle and do some breathing exercises to calm himself.

***

No one knew what to expect when Simon asked Conner, Rafe, Taggart and Brown to meet him in interview room three. A meeting on a Friday afternoon was an unusual occurrence unless something major was going down and meetings were usually held in conference rooms. So the four gathered at the appointed time and place and waited speculating until Simon walked in, Dr. Corey beside him, and took a seat.

Simon glanced for one moment at the one way glass knowing Jim and Blair stood behind it, the pair having received a signal to come up just after the MC detectives entered the interrogation room. The intercom was turned on for Blair’s benefit and Simon looked around the table at his most trusted staff. He had always been proud of this team and he hoped they would all live up to his expectations now. “Thank you for coming,” he started, not sure how to continue. Jim had told Simon he should tell them everything and he would watch their reactions but Simon was uncomfortable discussing what had happened to Jim so he couldn’t imagine Jim hearing and living through it again. With a quick glance and nod from Dr. Corey he cleared his throat and began. “What do you know about sentinels?” He threw the question out and looked at the surprised faces. This wasn’t even in the ballpark for a conversation they expected.

“They have enhanced senses,” Joel answered after a moment. “And I think we have one online sentinel in the PD.”

“In the CSU unit,” Rafe added as Megan frowned before turning to Simon.

“Sentinels have enhanced senses,” she repeated, “but online sentinels need guides to support them so they can use their senses fully. They receive so much input they overload on the information without a guide to buffer the input. The sentinel imprints the guide’s heartbeat as a baseline to control his senses. And the guide bonds with the sentinel so he can sense his sentinel’s needs.” She looked at the surprised faces and shrugged. “Sentinels are honored in Australia.”

Simon nodded seriously as Rafe and Brown glanced at each other, both trying to hide grins. Dr. Corey, seeing their looks, turned and signaled to Simon who nodded for him to continue. “As Detective Connor suggested, online sentinels do require the support of their guides and the empathic connection between a sentinel and guide is created by sexual bonding. The guide has sex with the sentinel and this causes a chemical change within the sentinel and guide that allows the sentinel to use the guide as a baseline for his or her senses and the guide to connect empathically with the sentinel.” Dr. Corey ignored the soft snickering of the two male detectives seated across from him as he continued. “Many people mistakenly believe the guide controls the sentinel but that is not correct. The guide is an anchor, a support if you will, but not a control and there are other misconceptions, some around their close relationship. As a matter of fact, beyond the initial bonding, sexual relations between sentinel and guide are no longer necessary.”

“Are we getting a sentinel?” Joel asked.

“I’m hoping we are,” Simon answered with a glance at the window before continuing. “Jim Ellison is a sentinel and Blair Sandburg a guide,” Simon said and watched as the detectives blinked in shock.

“But…” Rafe shook his head. “How, when?”

“Jim came online during the Tass case and began taking Sencease.”

“But then he must have decided he wanted to be an online sentinel?” Joel answered and everyone heard Simon sigh.

“No,” he said at last. “The bond was not forged willingly.”

“What?” Brown gasped. “You’re telling us Blair…” He shook his head unwilling to finish.

“That is just what I am saying,” Simon agreed softly. “Blair locked Jim up for three days and then forced a bond.”

“But why?” Megan whispered.

“Blair Sandburg is a guide,” Corey continued before Simon could answer. “Guides honor a sentinel’s abilities above all else. They are practically in awe of what a sentinel can do. Part of that feeling is ingrained and instinctive, part is training. And guides are taught that sentinels are happy when bonded and most are because they choose the bond. However, a forced bond is a very different thing.”

“So you’re saying Jim’s coming back to Major Crimes an online sentinel?” Joel continued side stepping the issue of what Blair had done.

“Yes,” Simon answered, “And I want us all to support him. Major Crimes takes care of their own. Jim will probably get a lot of grief from other divisions but I expect our department to support him.” He watched his detectives nod in agreement.

“What about Hair…Sandburg?” Brown asked his tone less friendly and more neutral.

“He is Jim Ellison’s guide,” Corey answered. “Jim needs him and because Blair has to ground him Blair will need to touch him quite a bit. You will have to understand what is going on and be sensitive to the situation.”

“But you’re telling me Sandburg gets away with…doing that to Jim?” Rafe asked.

Simon knew this was going to be a difficult part of the conversation, his detectives accepting not only Jim as a sentinel with all it entailed but Blair as a guide. Before he could form an answer the interrogation room door opened and Jim walked in Blair, eyes downcast, beside him, a slight limp the only indication that he was still healing.

“I can’t say we’ve worked out the problem.” Jim watched as the group looked at him. “But we are working on it and I won’t say I’ve forgiven him but at least I understand where he was coming from.”

“Jimbo,” Megan said softly. “Are you okay with this?”

“I don’t have much choice,” Jim answered but gave her a smile of thanks before turning to look at Rafe, Brown and Taggart. “Blair made an awful mistake, in part because of his own need to be a guide, in part because of misconceptions that had been drummed into his head. And he and I will have to learn to live with the consequences of his actions.” Jim glanced at Blair his face revealing none of his feelings as the guide looked up. “But he is my guide and good at it.” Jim turned back to the assembled group. “And I will not have anyone saying or doing anything to hurt my guide.” This was classic Jim Ellison, former warrior and black ops trained soldier, in control and commanding respect and to some degree obedience, and the detectives nodded almost unconsciously relaxing as they realized Ellison had not changed.

Leaning back in his seat Henri Brown smiled. “I pity the division that decides to harass you Jim but I’ve got your back.”

“So do I,” Rafe agreed with his partner.

“You know you can count on me Jim,” Taggart responded.

“And you’re my mate,” Conner added.

“Welcome back Jim,” Simon said with a smile and Jim nodded to each.

Blair had stood silently through the discussion unwilling to look anyone in the eye but now, knowing he deserved the derision he looked up. Rafe and Brown glared at him but said nothing, one did not in any way shape or form threaten a sentinel’s guide, especially not if the sentinel was Jim Ellison. Oddly enough, Megan and Joel did not have the same hostility reflected on their faces. What he saw on their faces was pity. “I’ve already apologized to Jim and to Simon, Captain Banks,” Blair said quietly though his voice shook. “I guess it’s time for me to apologize to you.” Blair looked at the assembled group. “I didn’t know it would be like this for Jim. I…” he stopped and swallowed his words while trying to moisten a dry throat. What mattered was he had broken the law, betrayed his partner, all but destroyed his friendship with Jim and because he was a guide got away without jail time. “I’m sorry,” he repeated and looked down shaking his head.

Jim for one second glanced at the younger man and let a hand rest on Blair’s arm squeezing it in support before turning back to the MC detectives. “It’s nice to know you guys have my back,” Jim said. “I know there will be problems with some of the other departments but I think I can handle it if Major Crimes is behind me.” He moved over and took a seat at the table pulling a chair beside him for Blair. “I know you have questions so you might as well start asking and get them out of the way.”

The four detectives looked at Jim uncomfortably and then Megan leaned forward her eyes moving over Blair before turning back to Jim. “Where I come from, a sentinel in any investigative department commands respect. We believe sentinels protect the tribe. No one would harass a sentinel or a guide.” It was a statement not a question, but there was a question in it.

Blair glanced at Megan and smiled and then back down as Dr. Corey answered the unasked question. “In many fields sentinels are respected, for example, search and rescue, Detective Conner. Unfortunately, the police department has some less tolerant views of the bonding relationship.”

Megan thought this over a moment then nodded. “I wondered why there were no sentinels.” She glanced again at Jim, far more comfortable with the sentinel piece than any other detective in the room. “How strong a sentinel are you?”

Jim glanced at Blair and the guide answered. “Jim is an extremely strong sentinel. He tested at the end of the sentinel scale and there were indications that he might be higher than the scale itself. As a matter of fact,” Blair continued not realizing his voice had gained some animation, “they might have to recalibrate the scales based on Jim’s results.”

No one in the room could miss the excitement at Blair’s words and eyes turned to Jim in surprise.

“Jim, what will this mean for investigation purposes?” Joel asked.

“I’ll have to meet with the DA to find out.”

“We will set up a meeting next week,” Simon answered. “Jim wouldn’t consider coming back till he spoke to our department and got your reactions. I’ll call the Commissioner about Jim’s return and start the ball rolling today.”

Jim looked around the table at the detectives and then stood. “I’ll head home and see you on Monday. Thanks everyone.” He glanced at the people he had been working with for years. “It is good to know you have my back.” He turned to go and Blair looked over the group momentarily mumbling another apology before following Jim.

***

The weekend passed quickly. Jim ran some errands in preparation for the coming week’s work and went to pick up food alone – another first since coming online while Blair took over the laundry and cooking. After the week of calm interactions between sentinel and guide, the weekend seemed almost normal, Jim chatting with Blair about the cases they would need to review on Monday. The pair were more relaxed in each other’s company and if the friendship was strained, at least it appeared to be reviving.

Blair was up early Monday morning preparing a big breakfast for Jim. In part it was to fortify Jim for the day but in part this day it was to do something to take his mind off going back to work. He wasn’t worried for himself but the idea of Jim subjected to derision and ridicule by fellow brothers in blue had him on edge.

Placing bacon and pancakes in the oven to keep warm, he was setting the table when Jim came down the stairs heading for the bathroom. He nodded to Blair as he headed in but turned back to look at the guide, frowning, “Blair, calm down. Nothing is going to happen today. Simon’s going to be there to make sure of it.”

Despite his concerns, Blair couldn’t help but smile at how easily Jim was calling up and using his senses. “I just don’t want anyone bothering you, Jim.” The sentinel didn’t answer but continued into the shower biting back the comment that he should have considered that before starting the bonding business. Things were doing better between them and he didn’t want to upset the calm.

An hour later, Jim pulled his truck into his usual parking space in the PD garage and walked, head held high, toward the entrance. Blair, walking beside him, was not nearly as calm; his eyes were constantly darting around nervously. Opening the door, Jim stopped in surprise, his guide almost crashing into him. The police commissioner, chief, and deputy chief were standing at the entrance, Simon beside them.

“Good morning detectives,” the commissioner called out in a loud voice so everyone would hear. “And welcome back after your bonding leave. I can only imagine the great things that will come from your sentinel guide pairing.” The commissioner put out his hand and Jim took it giving it a hard shake before Blair took it. “I understand there could be some slight adjustments you might need to make with your senses online but if you have any problems, any at all, let me know.” As he said the words the commissioner let his eyes move over some of the beat cops scattered around the entrance. Jim nodded his appreciation before shaking the chief and deputy chief’s hands.

“Thank you Sir,” Jim answered before moving to the elevator bank. He stepped in, Blair following and then stiffened, turning, his eyes scanning the group of officers in blue as Blair’s hand automatically came to rest on Jim’s arm, the guide’s senses alert to the sudden shift in Jim’s emotions.

“What’s wrong, who said something?” Blair practically growled, his own instincts to protect his sentinel surfacing as the elevator door closed.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jim answered but his face was set, his jaw twitching.

“It does matter,” Blair answered and Jim shook his head, his eyes on the floor numbers flashing by, ignoring the guide’s question.

With no response from Jim, Blair sighed and followed Jim into the bullpen where Jim was given a warm welcome by H, Rafe, Megan and Joel. The “hellos” to Blair were less enthusiastic and far more tentative and Blair nodded to them before taking a seat at his desk and sorting through his files, his eyes glued to the paperwork.

After the initial welcome on Monday, the rest of the morning went quietly. Jim and Blair spent most of the morning catching up on paperwork and reviewing their cases. It was obvious to Jim that the Major Crimes detectives were keeping an eye on things; at least one detective was in the bullpen at all times and he wondered if this was the detectives’ plan or Simon’s. Every time the door to Major Crimes opened a pair of eyes would go to the door, assessing who entered. In addition, the MC detectives seemed to be tiptoeing around Blair, uncertain how to approach him.

Just before lunch, Jim decided it was time to do a little investigating of his own. Standing and stretching he glanced at his partner, “I’m going to head down to CSU for a few minutes,” he said picking up papers. “Then we will go to lunch.”

“I’ll go with you,” Blair jumped up but Jim shook his head.

“Blair, stay and finish up,” he answered loudly indicating the papers on Blair’s desk but he leaned in to whisper, “If I can’t go anywhere in central booking alone then I don’t think I belong here.” Blair paused a moment and then nodded, biting his lower lip nervously as Jim turned to go.

CSU was one floor down and Jim walked through the door, his cool blue eyes looking around until they came to rest on Officer Robert Fredericks. Fredericks was CSU’s sentinel and the only other sentinel working in the PD. Fredericks looked back at Jim’s entrance and stood before whispering to his guide, Officer Mike Monroe, and turned toward CSU’s break room indicating Jim should follow. Walking in, the CSU detective reached in the fridge and pulled out two bottles of water handing one to Jim. “It’s better than the coffee,” he warned.

“Thanks,” Jim answered and Fredericks nodded taking a seat and indicating that Jim should do the same.

“My guide will make sure we have some privacy,” he stated as Jim joined the detective at the table. “I wondered how long it would be until you showed up. I figured you’d want to know the lie of the land.” Jim nodded and Fredericks sat back with a sigh. “You’ll get a few nasty comments here and there but for the most part people will just leave you alone. SVU and Vice, except for Andretti, are pretty sensitive. They deal with alternate lifestyles all the time so it doesn’t phase them. They’re a tolerant bunch and will watch your back.” He paused momentarily his eyes glancing around the room before continuing a bit more reluctantly. “Burglary is a different story,” he finally finished. “Steer clear of them.” Jim nodded hearing the anger in the warning, his mind flashing over the fact that he had several friends in burglary, maybe ex friends now. Fredericks stood and turned to go. “It’s a pain but you wouldn’t have chosen to be a sentinel if you couldn’t handle it.” Jim glanced at Fredericks not answering the comment but cleared his throat and the CSU detective looked over curiously seeing color creeping into Jim’s face.

“I’m new to this sentinel thing, can I ask you a personal question?” Jim asked and Fredericks gestured for him to continue. “Your guide, is he your soul mate?”

Fredericks considered the question for a moment and then shook his head. “He is my bond mate. The sex is good and we care for one another but we’re not soul mates. I’ve heard of sentinels and guides joining as soul mates but I’ve never met any sentinel who had found a soul mate.”

“And the sex,” Jim asked hesitantly looking at Fredericks, knowing he was delving into sensitive areas before continuing quietly. “Do you ever top?” For one second Jim saw a wistful look cross Fredericks’ face before he shook his head.

“Mike and I discussed it but anatomically I’m more suited to bottom and as a guide he feels he should top but as I said the sex is good.”

Jim nodded offering his hand to Fredericks. “Thanks for the info.”

Fredericks returned the smile before heading back into the CSU room. “It’s in my best interest. It’s good having a second sentinel at the PD,” he answered as Jim turned toward the stairs.

Through the rest of the day, Jim silently considered Blair. He had wanted Blair as a lover before the sentinel mess and Blair had stated he wanted to be Jim’s lover. Their relationship would have been nothing like the bond Fredericks had with Monroe. It would have been much more of a shared thing, not just a sentinel guide relationship. Blair had even admitted he wanted to be taken by Jim. And Jim remembered the vision in the hospital. His spirit guide had said he was given a great gift, his soul mate. Now, Jim needed to decide if he had the strength to get past what was done and accept the gift being offered. It kept his thoughts and emotions in flux and Blair would often look at Jim questioningly through the day but Jim stayed silent, grappling with his own emotions.

Jim and Blair actually had an escort out at the end of the day, Simon declaring he was taking them for a drink to celebrate their return. Neither Blair nor Jim were fooled by the gesture but said nothing as the three took the elevator down to the garage before heading for a small bar.

They chatted quietly about the day, Simon talking about things that had gone on while Jim and Blair were away before calling it a night and heading home to make dinner.

Day two at work was not a repeat of day one by any means. Jim and Blair arrived as usual, parked in the garage and headed up to Major Crimes, Blair acting far more like the old Blair, his body bouncing along, his hands waving while talking about the cases they had reviewed yesterday and the work they would be doing today. They were still desk bound, there were more files to review before they moved on to investigations and they needed to meet with the DA about the legal aspects of sentinel/guide investigations but they were moving steadily forward.

Entering and taking a seat, more relaxed than on day one, Jim watched the other detectives shuffle in, giving Jim a warm welcome and a tentative one to Blair before moving to their desks to start their own work.

Jim, watching the interactions, glanced at the Major Crimes detectives aware that they were uncomfortable as Joel stood and walked over.

“Could we have a word with you?” he asked with a glance at Blair, “in private.”

Jim, expecting this, nodded and stood, following the four detectives into the break room, Blair’s eyes following them.

Once in the small area, Rafe poured a cup of coffee as Joel closed and leaned on the door. “I guess we should tell you we’re not sure how to treat Sandburg.” Joel waited for a response but when none was forthcoming he continued, “We know he’s your guide but, well, he did… uhm, force you,” Joel finished.

Jim considered the question and statement and the four detectives standing around and then smiled, appreciating their honesty and openness. “Thanks everyone,” he said softly. “I appreciate the concern and the care.” Jim paused and then chose his next words carefully. “Blair made a mistake, a colossal one, mostly because he was conditioned to believe all sentinels were happy when bonded.” Jim paused and looked at the team, all eyes on him. “It was a desperate act by a guide who needed his sentinel but it was also the act of a man in love with his partner, who wanted his partner to be everything he could be. I’m not excusing his actions but Blair considers being a sentinel the greatest thing in the world and wanted that for me. That pretty much sums up guide indoctrination.” Jim paused again and poured himself a cup of coffee, grimacing at the taste. He never remembered it tasting this bad and guessed his sense of taste was rebelling. He’d have to remember to ask Sandburg. Turning back he looked at the four detectives. “Blair and I have a lot to work through but we’re going to try. Treat him the way you always do. He made a huge mistake but it’s not one he’ll ever make again and he is depressed and beating himself up over it. Right about now he could use some friends to help him work through it.”

Joel nodded and smiled. “We weren’t sure so we thought we’d ask.”

Jim nodded and then tilted his head listening in the bullpen, a frown creasing his forehead.

“Jim?” Megan asked softly but Jim held up a hand.

“Andretti’s in the bullpen talking to Blair,” he answered as the detectives turned to go. “Wait,” Jim ordered and they stopped. “Give Blair a chance to work through this.” He tilted his head, listening and after a few moments turned signaling them to follow, a slight smile playing across his features. “We’ve got to get in there; Blair’s going to kill him.”

***

Michael Andretti was a uniformed officer originally from the 36th precinct. He’d been transferred to central booking three years earlier when he’d had a serious altercation with his partner Danny Calla. Neither man would discuss what caused the fight but rumors about Danny Calla being homosexual had led to speculation about the cause of the altercation. Andretti was known to be something of a bigot, cracking a lot of jokes about gays with a few less than popular cops.

Sauntering into Major Crimes, he looked around the room and then spotted Blair sitting at his desk. With a smirk, he walked over and eyed the detective and the empty desk where Jim normally sat.

“Hey Sandburg,” he called out. “Where’s your sentinel? Shouldn’t you have him on a leash?”

Blair’s head shot up at the comment and he stared coldly at Andretti as he rose from his seat looking up at Andretti. The man was at least four inches taller than Blair and had a good forty pounds on the guide but Blair did not act in any way intimated by the larger man’s size. “Get out Andretti, you don’t belong in Major Crimes and you are polluting the area with your narrow minded bigotry.”

“I just wanted to see if Ellison walks funny now. You know after getting a dick shoved up his ass.”

Blair took a deep breath trying to calm himself as he eyed the larger man.

“What I and a few of the guys were wondering,” Andretti continued with disdain, “is how much lube did you need to get in it? After all, Ellison’s always been a hard ass.”

Not even thinking about the difference in height and weight, Blair stepped forward into Andretti’s space, his breathing hard and shoved the larger man backwards with a push to his chest. “Get out,” he demanded in a growl and Andretti smiled, not moving.

“Think you’re so bad because you’re on top of Ellison,” he whispered with a smile as Blair pushed him again.

Andretti’s hands came up as he saw Blair’s hands curl into fists at his comment but before either of them could react, Rafe, hurrying in, grabbed Blair, arms going around his chest to hold him tight and pulling him back while Jim’s hand closed on one of Andretti’s wrists from behind.

In seconds, Andretti was gasping in pain, his knees buckling so he landed on the floor, Jim’s hand still holding his wrist.

“Let go,” Andretti growled as all of the detectives looked at Jim, the sentinel calmly standing behind the cop, the wrist still in his hand.

With a predatory smile that the detectives in Major Crimes recognized as one they never wanted directed at them, Jim leaned down. “I don’t take kindly to people bothering my guide, Andretti.” Jim leaned lower till his mouth was beside the prone man’s ear. “And I’ll tell you something else, Andretti. You should be thanking me, what I’m doing won’t cause permanent damage but Blair would have mopped the floor with you.” Andretti whimpered as Jim applied more pressure. “Nod if you understand,” Jim said softly and the cop did before Jim dropped his wrist and glanced at Blair. Rafe was still holding him and Jim automatically ran a quick scan of his guide as Blair glared at Andretti, muttering curses before yanking himself free.

Looking down at the cop, Blair practically snarled, “You can go back and tell the idiots you hang with that I bottom too and when I get it from Jim, I enjoy it.”

“Get out of here Andretti before we let Blair kill you,” Brown demanded. “And don’t ever come back.”

Andretti looked up at the six detectives from his place on the floor and, knowing better than to say anything, stood rubbing his wrist before turning and walking away. All the detectives looked at Jim and then Blair as the sentinel took hold of his guide and moved directly to Simon’s empty office. Pushing Blair in and closing the door, he leaned against it. “What on earth made you say that, Chief?”

Blair looked over at Jim. “He was saying that you were a bottom and implying that it made you weak and insulting you, man. I couldn’t allow that.”

“So you set yourself up as a target for narrow minds instead?”

“Well, when you put it that way…” Blair paused, looking over his sentinel. He could feel no anger coming off Jim and he gave a tentative smile. “I’d rather I was the target than you,” he admitted softly and Jim, watching him, slowly returned the smile.

“This might actually work out,” Jim admitted. “They may decide that sentinels share a relationship and are not just followers of their guides.” He considered his guide thinking over the relationship they had once shared and where it could possibly lead if he let go of what had happened. It was not an easy moment for Jim, standing there, watching Blair, weighing all that had happened, as he debated with himself. Finally, coming to the decision that if he was going to let go, now was the right time, Jim slowly stepped forward and for one second pulled Blair into his arms, letting his nose rest in Blair’s soft curls. “I might have to do something to ensure that you aren’t a liar, Blair,” he whispered into his guide’s hair. He could immediately sense Blair’s heartbeat and respiration speed up but before he could even think that it might be a fearful reaction, his nose picked up the pheromones coming off the man in his arms.

“Oh man, I know you don’t mean it but I’m going to have a hard on all day thinking about it,” Blair whispered and Jim chuckled releasing his guide. Blair had made the comment lightly, but his empathy had picked up Jim’s emotions and something in him uncoiled even more realizing Jim could really mean what he was saying.

Cupping Blair’s cheek with his hand, he looked down at his guide and smiled tenderly for one moment. Adoring sapphire blue eyes looked up at him and slowly, hesitantly, Jim leaned down and pressed a light kiss on Blair’s lips before reluctantly pulling away. “Come on, we have work to do and everyone out there is worried about us.”

Blair nodded taking a deep breath to calm himself before he and Jim stepped back into the bullpen just as Simon came through the door. Seeing the detectives standing around looking at Jim and Blair, Simon raised an eyebrow.

“Something going on here?”

“Nothing my guide couldn’t handle sir,” Jim replied as he took his seat beside Blair and the four other detectives smiled, each thinking things might just work out for Major Crime’s sentinel guide pair.

***

In Blair’s opinion, the day dragged endlessly. Nervous and strung out over the possibility of being WITH his sentinel, Blair was jittery and hyper all day. Jim watched his guide with some degree of amusement, all too aware of how hyped up he really was and more importantly why.

Blair did calm a little for the meeting with the DA, the two detectives receiving detailed instructions on how sentinels and guides could investigate crimes and what their legal obligations and limits were. Blair focused on the information being given, letting go of his very active libido as he switched into scholarly mode, asking insightful questions about such mundane things as documentation, his mind revolving around the rights of criminals against the investigative powers of sentinels and guides.

At the end of the meeting, Jim and Blair headed back to Major Crimes to meet with Simon and again go over the rules for sentinel investigations, the three discussing all the ramifications on ongoing investigations. Finally, at the end of their shift, they grabbed their coats and headed for home, Blair practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. On the way home, Jim considered stopping somewhere for dinner but after a quick scan of his guide he abandoned the idea opting for drive through Wonderburger. Usually, Blair would complain about fast food and Jim chuckled realizing Blair was not going to complain this time, the word “fast” having some extra incentive for him.

Getting in the loft door, the pair followed their usual routine, removing their guns and locking them away before Blair disappeared into the bathroom. Jim was just wondering if Blair might be having second thoughts and hiding out in the bathroom when he emerged his heartbeat and respiration a bit high as he looked at Jim with bright, expectant eyes and a slight smile. Jim turned and considered his guide, letting his senses roam over him. Blair was hyped up but he was so open and vulnerable looking at his sentinel, his guide senses completely focused. Jim realized he could crush him with a word and all the sentinel could think was to go very slowly. Deciding it was time to give a full confession, he moved into the living room and taking a seat on the couch patted the cushion next to him and indicated Blair should sit beside him.

“Before we go any further, I want to state for the record, I was going to discuss having a relationship when we went camping. I thought it was time we stopped dancing around each other.”

“You were,” Blair smiled almost tenderly. “You know I would have welcomed it.”

“Yeah I do but you need to know something else. I’m still angry; I probably will be for a very long time. I’ll snap at you when being a sentinel is a burden but despite that I do love you. I have for a long time.” Blair looked at his sentinel his face lighting up at the statement and Jim wondered if he should dial down sight because the loft suddenly seemed very bright.

“I love you too, I have for a very long time,” Blair answered in kind as Jim hesitantly leaned forward, his mouth claiming Blair’s.

It was almost as if an electric shock went through them as they joined and the two could feel the building of tension as Jim gently pushed his guide down on the couch and playfully unbuttoned his top shirt. Seeing the shirt under, he shook his head. “You wear too many clothes Sandburg.” As he said this Jim pulled off both shirts and let his hands run over Blair’s hairy chest, his fingers playing with the sensitive nipples that peaked under his attentive fingers. The moan this elicited from the guide made Jim smile and he sat up ignoring the whimper at the loss of contact. “We’re going to do this right,” he said in a hoarse passion filled voice as he stood stretching out a hand. “Up in my bed.”

Blair didn’t need a second prompting but took Jim’s hand and the two hurried upstairs before Jim indicated that he should lie down on the bed. Jim had never explored a man’s body before and so he notched up his sense of touch, letting his fingers run slowly down the chest hair and hard muscles of Blair’s stomach, noting the firmer skin and the small responses to his touch. Blair’s stomach muscles fluttered as he slid his hands lower, touching the sensitive skin just below his navel and Blair groaned.

“Please Jim,” he ground out, “I need you. I prepared myself in the bathroom.”

Jim smiled at the almost desperate moan from the guide as he slid one finger under the waistband of Blair’s pants, feeling the heat rising from the hard skin below. “I like to see you like this,” Jim admitted, “all hot and needy.” He leaned back to look down at his guide’s face, seeing the desire and decided Blair was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. With that thought came the realization that despite everything that had passed between them, he wanted not only to possess Blair but have Blair possess him too and that it was okay to let Blair claim him. Shifting as his own pants became confining, he slid his fingers over the zipper of Blair’s jeans before sliding it down and letting his hand rest on the hard bulge.

“Please,” Blair moaned again and Jim grabbed the pants and boxers, pulling them off and releasing Blair’s erection. Entranced by the view, Jim slid his fingers over the hardened flesh, his sentinel senses mapping out the skin and feeling the blood pumping beneath the erection. Needing to taste Blair, to get the real essence of his guide, Jim leaned down and tentatively licked the sensitive crown, Blair’s essence bursting on his senses. Blair gave a cry as Jim slid his tongue down the shaft and Jim realized Blair was close to climaxing.

Stepping back Jim quickly removed his own clothes, letting them drop to the floor while watching his guide’s half closed passion filled eyes. “Chief, I’ve never done this. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Blair nodded trying to pull himself back from the edge. “In my nightstand,” he whispered, “get the lube and use and your fingers to loosen me.”

Jim nodded and disappeared returning moments later already opening the tube and coating his fingers as Blair bent his knees and spread his legs. Kneeling between Blair’s legs, Jim let his finger run over the puckered entrance, the guide shivering at the sensation before Jim slid a finger in. Jim was trying to be slow and careful but Blair was too impatient for anything so tender. He would have slow and tender next time, this time he needed to be claimed and pushed up against the finger burying it inside him. “Add two more fingers,” he instructed, his voice heavy with desire and Jim did, feeling the muscles clench and then relax before he slipped his finger over Blair’s prostate. Blair yelped in surprise at the spike of pleasure and Jim chuckled as he removed his fingers and generously coated his own erection.

Moving slowly to be sure he didn’t hurt the guide, Jim pushed into Blair, feeling Blair’s muscles clench around him as the guide panted. Dialing down his own sense of touch so he could move slowly he inched in until he was completely sheathed within the guide and then slowly he began to rock, letting his cock slide slowly within the passage.

In response to the slow gentle motion running over his prostate, Blair cried out, thrusting up as he grabbed the sheets his hands fisting. “More,” he demanded and Jim, notching up touch, began to move faster until Blair screamed, “Jim,” and climaxed. Jim, feeling the muscles tighten around him, tensed and came in that moment too and sizzling electric current ran through both men that fried their brains and left them both disoriented for a moment.

Slowly, coming back, Jim gently pulled out of the guide and rolling over pulled Blair into his arms. It took a moment for him to realize that there were tears on Blair’s face. “Blair, did I hurt you?” he gasped in distress as he looked into the tear stained face, a hand reaching up to touch a tear. But Blair shook his head no and wiped at his eyes.

“After…after, I never thought you would be willing to touch me and I’m happy, you idiot.”

“I didn’t hurt you.”

“No. It was incredible,” Blair answered leaning into his sentinel.

“It was,” Jim agreed. “It was.” He stopped. There were no words for what had just happened or at least none he could think of.

“The bond of a soul mate,” Blair answered, his own arms coming around his sentinel. “We are one. I can feel you everywhere, inside me, on me.” The joy in that statement was unmistakable.

“I never thought anything could be like that,” Jim admitted, settling comfortably with his guide in his arms. “And I’ll tell you something else, Blair.” He paused to look in the dark blue eyes of his guide. “I want you to claim me too.”

Blair, surprised by the statement, looked up. “Jim?”

“I want a chance to feel you inside me, I’m choosing it and welcoming it,” the sentinel answered, his own eyes misting. “We’ll take turns.”

“I love you, Jim,” Blair blurted out, settling down against the strong chest and sighing contentedly.

As sleep took hold, Jim found himself once again in a blue jungle and with a resigned sigh turned and followed the black jaguar to the temple. Again the warrior stood before him on the steps of the temple, considering him.

“You have chosen your path,” the warrior stated with approval. “And you have chosen well. You and your guide will be one, soul mates, and as such you will protect the tribe. Listen to him closely sentinel, he will never betray you. As you protect the tribe, he will protect you.” Lifting the spear he gestured and out of the jungle bounded the wolf Jim had seen on his last vision walk. But unlike the last time, the gray wolf no longer looked sickly, its coat was glossy and lean and it was full of energy as it ran to the steps to stand beside Jim. “Your guide’s spirit heals as does his spirit animal. Keep the light within him sentinel. That is a sentinel’s obligation.” With those last words the warrior turned and entered the temple, jaguar and wolf following.

Blinking his eyes and looking around, Jim was once again back in his own bed, Blair sleeping in his arms. Thinking this was where Blair needed to be and that they would need to move Blair’s stuff upstairs, Jim settled back down using the guide’s heartbeat to relax.

The next morning it was a light slap on the backside that got Blair up and he looked at his already dressed sentinel and then at the clock with a groan. Blair nodded at Jim’s command to get up and winced as he stood Jim looking at him sharply. “You okay?”

Blair couldn’t help the smile that followed. “Yeah, just a little sore. It’s been a while since I…uhm…”

“I get it Sandburg, no need to explain.” He looked at his guide. “Maybe tonight you might consider returning the favor.”

“Oh man, I wish you wouldn’t say things like that when there’s no time to follow up. I’ll be hard all day.”

Jim chuckled as he went down the stairs to grab a second cup of coffee and Blair gathered his clothes before heading to his room. “Oh Sandburg,” Jim called just before he disappeared into his room. “Don’t make plans for this weekend.” Blair turned, waiting. “I think we’re going to turn your room into an office.” Smiling, Blair agreed, grabbing clothes and heading for the shower.

Jim was not one to be late for work, ever. So he got his guide moving, carrying a bagel and heading out the door, coffee in a traveling mug. At work, the Major Crimes detectives, seeing how relaxed the pair were, laughing and talking, Blair’s hands animated and flying all over the place, greeted the pair with some relief as they realized the partners were acting as normally as ever.

Jim and Blair caught up on some work, the phones rang off the hook, people ran and around yelling about things, and, in general, life seemed fairly normal to all in Major Crimes. But just before lunch, Sentinel Robert Fredericks walked into Major Crimes momentarily wincing at the noise before looking around, his gaze sweeping the room before settling on Jim and Blair thoughtfully. Seeing the sentinel, Jim put a hand on Blair’s arm stopping the younger man who was in the midst of explaining why some tribe in Africa believed in cannibalism. Blair looked up at his sentinel and questioningly at the visitor as Fredericks’ sensitive ears heard Jim tell his guide he would be back in a few minutes. The guide turned and looked over at the man standing by the door, not sure what was going on and assessing the threat level to his sentinel before nodding his understanding as Jim chuckled at the protective instincts of his guide before whispering this was CSU’s sentinel. Blair took in that information and relaxed as Jim turned leading the detective to an interrogation room.

“How are you, Fredericks?” Jim asked, fairly sure he knew why the sentinel was here.

“Good thanks.” He leaned against a wall and considered Jim. “I…uh…have a question to ask. It’s personal.”

With a hand gesture Jim indicated that the detective should continue. “You…um…” He paused, his face turning red before he swallowed and deliberately looked into Jim’s eyes before continuing. “You top for your guide?” he asked. “That’s the word going around the PD.”

Jim nodded, looking over at the other sentinel, knowing that Fredericks’ guide had never given him the opportunity to do that. “We take turns,” Jim answered. “We’re partners, equals.”

“That’s not how it is for most sentinels,” Fredericks said looking down and picking at his cuticle.

“I’d be the first to admit that Blair is special,” Jim agreed. “But that doesn’t change the fact that the relationship should be shared. One person shouldn’t always be in control of what happens. Hell, a guide’s main role is to support the sentinel, help him gain control, not control him.”

“I think your guide should have a talk with mine,” Fredericks laughed, but Jim could hear the serious question in the statement.

“If you want, I’m sure Blair would be willing but I think maybe you should have a talk with your guide.” Slowly, painfully, Robert Fredericks looked up to meet Jim’s gaze, his face red.

“I’ll do that,” he agreed turning towards the door. “Ah Ellison, Jim, thanks and not just for the information.”

Jim nodded his understanding. “Let me know if you need Blair to meet with your guide.”

“Will do,” Fredericks agreed and left.

Thoughtfully, Jim watched the other sentinel leave. Fredericks was a good guy, a sentinel who used his senses to better the world. As far as Jim could tell, Fredericks and his guide cared about each other, certainly Fredericks looked healthy and well adapted as a sentinel, but Jim was glad he didn’t share a relationship with guide Mike Monroe. Thinking back to his dream of the warrior he remembered the words, “You were given a great gift, sentinel. You were given your true guide, your soul mate, not all sentinels are so fortunate.” And he remembered Fredericks’ response to the same topic, “He is my bond mate. The sex is good and we care for one another but we’re not soul mates.” Therein, lay the difference, Jim realized. It didn’t matter what preconceived roles society indoctrinated guides and sentinels with, Blair was willing to go way beyond societal expectations of guides, to be everything to Jim and give Jim everything he wanted and needed, even control of their relationship, something many guides did not. The vision had been right; Blair was a special rare gift, one not to be taken for granted.

Smiling, he walked back into the bullpen, noting how Blair looked over and then relaxed once he was sure Jim was okay. Sitting down at his desk, Jim glanced at his partner. “Did you get any paperwork done while I was gone, Chief?” he asked and Blair looked down at the papers, blushing.

“I was distracted.”

“Is that what’s going to happen every time we’re separated?”

“I have a news flash for you Ellison; it always was the case, even before the bond.” Blair said the words lightly, unsure if he should mention the bond but Jim smiled and shrugged, the emotions coming through the link more amused than anything else.

“I think you should get to work on those papers. We have plans for this evening.” Jim could hear Blair’s heartbeat and respiration jump as he took a seat, chuckling. “I’m sure you wouldn’t want to delay this evening’s activities.”

Grumbling good naturedly about slave driving anal retentive partners, Blair grabbed all the papers, including the ones Jim was holding, and set to work. The sooner these were done, the sooner they could go home. Hours later, as they packed up to leave for the day, Jim put the paperwork in Simon’s box. Tomorrow, they would be going back out into the field and Simon had told them he couldn’t wait to see what Major Crimes’ sentinel and guide team could do. But tonight, Jim and Blair had other plans and the pair headed out sexual tension practically crackling around them.

At home in the loft they ate a quick meal before Blair turned and looked at Jim, biting his lower lip. “I’m nervous about this,” he admitted.

“Why? It’s not as though you haven’t done this before?”

“Last time it wasn’t about making love to you. This time it is and I want you screaming from the rafters before I’m done.”

“You think you can make me scream, do you?” Jim asked in amusement.

“Oh yeah,” Blair smiled, “but I feel like it’s our first time.”

Jim thought this over a minute and then nodded. “You’re right, it is.” He leaned forward to kiss his guide. “So make it good.”

“No pressure here,” Blair grumbled but slid his hands over Jim’s face. “Upstairs?” he asked and took the sentinel’s hand to lead him up.

In Jim’s bedroom Blair turned on the soft lamp beside the bed, slid down onto the firm mattress and turned bright, hungry eyes on his sentinel. “Will you undress for me?” he asked and Jim nodded, grabbing his shirt. “Slowly, Jim,” he continued, his voice low and seductive. Jim paused a moment and then slowly removed his shirt, his hands sliding over his chest before reaching for the belt buckle. Jim could hear Blair’s respiration increase as the belt slid free of his pants and he reached to undo first the button and then the zipper before letting his pants drop to the floor where he toed off his shoes and then stepped out of his pants. He started to reach for his boxers but Blair’s hand stopped him.

“No,” he warned. “Take off your socks and lie down on the bed; I’ll deal with your boxers.”

Jim did as instructed and Blair looked over the man, licking his lips. Straddling Jim, he held Jim’s head between his two hands and called to him softly as he looked into Jim’s hungry, light blue eyes. “Jim, I want you to use the dials. Bring touch and smell to a five but keep everything else at a three. Use my heartbeat to do it,” Blair ordered and watched as Jim closed his eyes, taking a few strong breaths to concentrate, before finally nodding when he had accomplished the task. Blair waited, watching the sentinel, until Jim had set the dials and then let his hands slide from Jim’s face, slowly raking his short nails lightly down Jim’s neck, moving down so his fingernails skimmed over the sparsely haired chest. Jim drew in a breath that sounded suspiciously like a moan, a shiver running through him, as Blair’s fingers moved over his nipples and then Blair was sliding further down, over the sensitive stomach muscles to the elastic of Jim’s boxers.

Blair let his fingers caress Jim’s hips and thighs as he dragged the boxers down and off releasing Jim’s erection and then let his hands slide up the inside of Jim’s legs, his fingers feather light as he moved up the inner thighs.

Pursing his lips he blew a soft puff of air across Jim’s cock and Jim moaned thrusting into the air. “Chief,” he whispered in an almost strangled voice. “Please. I’m close.”

Blair smiled and moved up Jim’s body until he looked down into the face he loved. Lifting his finger, he moved it into Jim’s line of sight and then down to Jim’s mouth. “Wet it,” he said sliding the finger into Jim’s mouth.

Jim licked Blair’s finger, his tongue running across it and then Blair moved down and pushed the finger into Jim, noting how wet Jim already was, his body lubricating itself in preparation for penetration. Sliding the finger around, Blair added a second finger to stretch Jim and then reached down pushing Jim’s legs further apart and back, exposing him.

Taking his own cock in hand, Blair lined up with the opening and eased in, sinking into the sentinel and rubbing across Jim’s prostate as Jim cried out at the sudden burst of sensation.

Smiling, Blair began to move, each thrust sending waves of ecstasy through Jim.

As the intensity built, Jim found himself panting and thrusting up to meet his guide’s movements, his own thrusts pushing Blair to move faster. Jim’s sense of touch, dialed up high before the lovemaking started, became overwhelming and Jim couldn’t focus on anything but the pleasure inside him until with a hard thrust, Blair pushed Jim over the edge, the sentinel crying out as his brain short circuited. Blair, inside him, gave one more thrust and came in a mind boggling orgasm, his own body pulsating, feeling both his own pleasure and Jim’s as his empathy soared. Crying out Jim’s name, Blair felt as though he was being buffeted by the orgasmic waves as he collapsed onto Jim in an almost senseless state, his body still vibrating.

It took a few minutes for Blair own senses to return from what he would call a zone of his own and then slowly, carefully, he pulled out of the sentinel and eased his body down onto Jim’s. He sighed as Jim’s arms closed around him holding him close and Blair rested his head on the sentinel’s shoulder. He knew he should get up and get them both cleaned up before they ended up stuck together but he was boneless and one look at his completely debauched and sated partner told the guide that the sentinel was too. With a slight shrug he closed his eyes and drifted in the moment knowing the guide and sentinel were both in love and loved. Life was good.

He was asleep within minutes and Jim, holding him, smiled closing his own eyes. He opened them and found himself, again, in the blue jungle. Grumbling that he had had more than his share of the place, he started forward. He knew where he had to go and strode forward. The sooner he got to the temple, the sooner he could get back to normal. Stopping before the temple, he saw the warrior, who beckoned him close with a smile. “You have done well sentinel,” he commented. “The bond is complete. It will strengthen and sustain you and the guide.” The warrior nodded and in the distance Jim could see the wolf and jaguar together just standing on the edge of the clearing. “Watch over your guide as he will watch over you. You can have no greater gift than a soul bond.” The warrior turned and entered the temple and Jim turned and watched as the wolf and jaguar, together, ran off into the woods.

Blinking, Jim found himself back in bed, his arms full of Blair and he smiled at the sleeping guide, tucking him in tenderly. Tomorrow, they would go out into the field as sentinel and guide and woe to the criminals crossing their paths. Something told Jim that the whole was greater than the sum of the parts and that he and Blair together, whole, would be unstoppable and to hell with anyone’s archaic ideas of what a sentinel or guide would or should be. With that last thought and a deep breath to catch his guide’s scent, Jim drifted off to sleep.

The end.

 

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**Notes on the story and the specific warnings:**

**This is an alternate universe story where sentinels either bond (through sexual intercourse with a guide) or use a drug to keep their senses offline. The drug, a small pill, can be taken daily for life or, if the sentinel decides to bond, he/she can let the drug clear from his/her system and then bond. However, once bonded the sentinel and guide undergo biological changes after which the sentinel can no longer use the drug, so bonding is a life commitment.**

**When Jim Ellison, a detective from Major Crimes partnered with Detective (and guide) Blair Sandburg, comes online as a sentinel he opts to take the drug rather than accept his sentinel abilities and bond. Blair is not happy about this but accepts it. However, when Jim is nearly killed by stray gunfire because his senses are offline and he doesn’t hear what is happening, Blair (realizing how close he came to losing Jim and desperately in love with him) decides to take matters into his own hands.**

**He betrays Jim by drugging him while on a camping trip and locking him in a secure location so he has no access to the sentinel drug. When the drug is cleared from Jim’s system two days later, Blair deliberately sends Jim into a deep zone and rapes him for the purpose of creating a sentinel guide bond. The rest of the story deals with the aftermath of that act and how the two come to terms with Blair’s actions. Eventually, it deals with how they get past the betrayal.**

**It is a story full of angst and the warnings should be taken seriously. However, it is also a love story and a tale of two people who must come to terms with who they were meant to be.**

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